A Momentous Encounter
some people make us feel better about life63 total reviews
Comment from bkrighter
Such a simple story, but it has a king-sized message.
I thought that you also handled the dialog well. Of course, it was based on real life, but it has the air of reality that is sometimes hard to capture.
Good job.
Steve
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Such a simple story, but it has a king-sized message.
I thought that you also handled the dialog well. Of course, it was based on real life, but it has the air of reality that is sometimes hard to capture.
Good job.
Steve
Comment Written 17-Jun-2008
Comment from snodlander
It's true. Little acts of kindness often go much further than the giver realises. Even just an anonymous smile int he street can life my spirits.
Be careful of listing events. There was a fair amount of 'I did ... I did ... she did, especially in the first three paragraphs.
In the first two sentences you tell us you were in Albertsons Supermarket twice. Personally, I'd cut one of the references.
After a minute of hesitation, Pale Ale joined his comrades in my basket. - this is confusing. I assumed 'his comrades' meant the Summerfest beer. Later, it implies it meant the rest of your groceries, but I thought this confusing. (Though I am easily confused these days)
I asked her: "What do - throughout, comma instead of colon
I went: "You know, - I went is slang (as you never actually went anywhere) There's nothing wrong with sticking to 'said'
"You know, it's very bitter." - which is, of course, the joy of drinking a good pale ale, especially IPA, but coming from the UK I don't like the 'light' lagers popular eslewhere. Sorry, not a criticism of your story at all, it's just I take my bitter seriously 8^)
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2008
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It's true. Little acts of kindness often go much further than the giver realises. Even just an anonymous smile int he street can life my spirits.
Be careful of listing events. There was a fair amount of 'I did ... I did ... she did, especially in the first three paragraphs.
In the first two sentences you tell us you were in Albertsons Supermarket twice. Personally, I'd cut one of the references.
After a minute of hesitation, Pale Ale joined his comrades in my basket. - this is confusing. I assumed 'his comrades' meant the Summerfest beer. Later, it implies it meant the rest of your groceries, but I thought this confusing. (Though I am easily confused these days)
I asked her: "What do - throughout, comma instead of colon
I went: "You know, - I went is slang (as you never actually went anywhere) There's nothing wrong with sticking to 'said'
"You know, it's very bitter." - which is, of course, the joy of drinking a good pale ale, especially IPA, but coming from the UK I don't like the 'light' lagers popular eslewhere. Sorry, not a criticism of your story at all, it's just I take my bitter seriously 8^)
Comment Written 17-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2008
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Thank you for your review and feedback.
Comment from darling
It's amazing how a person will spend their life "brown-nosing" the people they think will make their lives better when all they do is make us feel smaller. Then we have people who are genuinely kind and simple. They don't think twice about going out of their way because their hearts are full of kindness and they make us feel so special and wonderful. They saying really is true, "be the change you want to see in others." Write on.
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2008
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It's amazing how a person will spend their life "brown-nosing" the people they think will make their lives better when all they do is make us feel smaller. Then we have people who are genuinely kind and simple. They don't think twice about going out of their way because their hearts are full of kindness and they make us feel so special and wonderful. They saying really is true, "be the change you want to see in others." Write on.
Comment Written 17-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jun-2008
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Thank you so much for the great review. Yes, people like this make our lives so much more fulfilling.
Comment from Earthwriter
wow you are easily pleased and that is a good thing i know people who are nevver happy and for you to be happy with some beer very refreshing
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wow you are easily pleased and that is a good thing i know people who are nevver happy and for you to be happy with some beer very refreshing
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
Comment from Robert Fejeran
I must agree that it is very rare today to have such an encounter of kindness. I applaud you for letting others know that such people still exist. I enjoyed the read.
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I must agree that it is very rare today to have such an encounter of kindness. I applaud you for letting others know that such people still exist. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
Comment from kchitti
After work I went to the post
> comma after 'work' perhaps?
the same beer that I almost took but changed my mind.
> maybe 'before I changed my mind' instead?
it's true, you can really brighten someone's day by doing something nice, going out of your way. sounds to me that maybe you lived in NYC too long and got used to the callous nature :-). I hope you have more episodes of good fortune!
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After work I went to the post
> comma after 'work' perhaps?
the same beer that I almost took but changed my mind.
> maybe 'before I changed my mind' instead?
it's true, you can really brighten someone's day by doing something nice, going out of your way. sounds to me that maybe you lived in NYC too long and got used to the callous nature :-). I hope you have more episodes of good fortune!
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
Comment from RossJM
It is so sweet and so naive. I somehow never even thought there were people as naive as you. But it is so refreshing. Life must have been really hard on you, since you consider a simple courtesy act as something extraordinary.
God bless you.
Ross
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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It is so sweet and so naive. I somehow never even thought there were people as naive as you. But it is so refreshing. Life must have been really hard on you, since you consider a simple courtesy act as something extraordinary.
God bless you.
Ross
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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Dear Ross, your review is out of line, friend. Stody the review guidelines, and try to be more careful in yoru language. (smile). Peace.
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I would be more careful if I knew what exactly I did wrong. Would you care to share?
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I will write you a PM. See it in a few minutes.
Comment from aviddbrut
yeltel, this is so nice. in this seemingly simple story you do shine a light on what can be and is right with the world. some may say that a story about buying beer at the grocery store is silly.... I hope not, because it is in the ordinary things of life that the beauty of life shines through. thank you so much for posting this. david
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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yeltel, this is so nice. in this seemingly simple story you do shine a light on what can be and is right with the world. some may say that a story about buying beer at the grocery store is silly.... I hope not, because it is in the ordinary things of life that the beauty of life shines through. thank you so much for posting this. david
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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Thank you so much for the great review. Yes, in these simple circumstances, in a mere supermarket, I've encountered a diamond of the first water, that I would probably not have met in Waldorf Astoria (smile).
Comment from William Walz
i looked at this when you first posted it and there were so many errors in it i didn't bother. now that you have cleaned it up it is so much easier to evaluate it for content, rather than distractions. this is a touching story about how we can lose faith in humanity and how it can be brought back with just a simple act of kindness. sometimes it takes so very little to brighten our days. all in all a very nice little story. i am so very sorry that you lost your parents. god bless. w. walz
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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i looked at this when you first posted it and there were so many errors in it i didn't bother. now that you have cleaned it up it is so much easier to evaluate it for content, rather than distractions. this is a touching story about how we can lose faith in humanity and how it can be brought back with just a simple act of kindness. sometimes it takes so very little to brighten our days. all in all a very nice little story. i am so very sorry that you lost your parents. god bless. w. walz
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2008
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Thank you, my dear poet, for your stellar review. I remember your story "Abortionist" that impressed me so deeply, and that someone of your talent would give such a good review, is certainly is a mark of achivement on my part (smiles). God bless.
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i think you may have some talent yourself. i am going to become a fan of yours so i will know when you post. i did enjoy your story and am looking forward to something a little longer and more substantial. i hope you will be posting regularly with new material. i also see that you've been on fanstory quite a while and i'll probably go back and look at some of your other work--but no poetry! loathe it. by the way, that certainly is a wonderful picture of you. now i'm impressed.
Comment from amada
This is such a simple and loving story. If we just open to others we can touch angels indeed. Your story makes me feel better as well. Many angels, room in the world.
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This is such a simple and loving story. If we just open to others we can touch angels indeed. Your story makes me feel better as well. Many angels, room in the world.
Comment Written 16-Jun-2008
