The Cyber Space Garden
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Uranus Flowery Blooms"The garden of peaceful serenity and beauty,
8 total reviews
Comment from Memphis Belle
Perhaps if I were introduced more clearly to where and how you are traveling, I would not have had to read your piece several times to see what you are trying to say. However you have a good imagination and the talent to express what you are feeling. The message is a good one, your adjectives are not bad, but do not paint as vivid a picture as I know you are trying to portray in words.The lines describing your effort to recall the name of the flower blur and interrupt our vision. We readers don't need you to describe your thought processes even though you felt the need to tell us. But I really loved the idea of traveling to Uranus...develop that line more; more description of the vehicle, more sensations and details of the flight and arrival... Keep on writing!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
   |
Perhaps if I were introduced more clearly to where and how you are traveling, I would not have had to read your piece several times to see what you are trying to say. However you have a good imagination and the talent to express what you are feeling. The message is a good one, your adjectives are not bad, but do not paint as vivid a picture as I know you are trying to portray in words.The lines describing your effort to recall the name of the flower blur and interrupt our vision. We readers don't need you to describe your thought processes even though you felt the need to tell us. But I really loved the idea of traveling to Uranus...develop that line more; more description of the vehicle, more sensations and details of the flight and arrival... Keep on writing!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
It's a mind trip tavel in my space Jittney to the different planets. Thanks for your comments.
Comment from starman
Well, that's a unique metaphysical trip you're taking there. Uranus & the geranium.. interesting. When Voyager flew past, I believe it registered 2000 mile an hour winds and ferocious gas storms. Not sure how the geranium would fare there, but lovely all the same.
:)s
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
Well, that's a unique metaphysical trip you're taking there. Uranus & the geranium.. interesting. When Voyager flew past, I believe it registered 2000 mile an hour winds and ferocious gas storms. Not sure how the geranium would fare there, but lovely all the same.
:)s
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
It's the mind of what If? Thanks so much for your comments, starman.
Comment from Celtic~Soul
Your concept is delightful, the travel in the cosmos to discover the blooms, a very unique premise. I stumbled a bit reading this poem, however:
1. You se the word mind many times in a very short space, try to find other words to varry the flow and sound of the poem.
2. puple - purple
3. Oh what a delight - Oh, what a delight
4. Can you envision this sight (not site, which is a location, not a visual)
5. meteor,cosmic - meteor, cosmic (you are missing a space)
6. Um, Ah, Nah. - wouldn't usually cap these unless you were putting periods between to make them 'sentences'.
Your concept is delgithful and fun! The choice of art lovely. I'm interested to see what other blooms lay waiting in the heavens!
Much luck with the series.
CS
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
Your concept is delightful, the travel in the cosmos to discover the blooms, a very unique premise. I stumbled a bit reading this poem, however:
1. You se the word mind many times in a very short space, try to find other words to varry the flow and sound of the poem.
2. puple - purple
3. Oh what a delight - Oh, what a delight
4. Can you envision this sight (not site, which is a location, not a visual)
5. meteor,cosmic - meteor, cosmic (you are missing a space)
6. Um, Ah, Nah. - wouldn't usually cap these unless you were putting periods between to make them 'sentences'.
Your concept is delgithful and fun! The choice of art lovely. I'm interested to see what other blooms lay waiting in the heavens!
Much luck with the series.
CS
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Humble Thanks, This is all in the mind of imagination.It's can you see this site that I see. It is written with some rhyme.It's fun in the making. celtic Soul
Comment from ladybird
It must be nice too have a special place to go to. Thank you for sharing yours with us. Well written and imaginative. I could actually see the Martha Washington.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
It must be nice too have a special place to go to. Thank you for sharing yours with us. Well written and imaginative. I could actually see the Martha Washington.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Humble Thanks, ladybird
-
You're welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
You have a beautiful image attached to your poem, I read your poem several times, even out loud. I could not get a smooth read. I can see that you have talent with words. I don't know exactly what bothers me in this beautiful poem.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
You have a beautiful image attached to your poem, I read your poem several times, even out loud. I could not get a smooth read. I can see that you have talent with words. I don't know exactly what bothers me in this beautiful poem.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Your ver welcome,c_lucas
-
thank you, c_lucas
Comment from honeytree
I loved this read and beautifully written.
Today, I am on my way to the planet Uranus to see a special flower in bloom.Looking through the space Jittney window, through the gaseous ring system I see...
I know the name of that flower, but it eludes me.
Um, Ah, Nah. It's my mind searching for clues.
There, There, Here, Here. It's the mind finding the answer.
The echoes now come into my mind. I hear
Martha! Martha! It's the Martha Washington Geraniums, in bloom. Their puple, velvet shiny petals, etched in razor edge white. Oh what a delight. Can you envision this site?
I am here at the perfect hour before the meteor,cosmic shower. It's time for me to start back, with my precious picture, in my knapsack.
A great read and beautifully written.
honeytree.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
I loved this read and beautifully written.
Today, I am on my way to the planet Uranus to see a special flower in bloom.Looking through the space Jittney window, through the gaseous ring system I see...
I know the name of that flower, but it eludes me.
Um, Ah, Nah. It's my mind searching for clues.
There, There, Here, Here. It's the mind finding the answer.
The echoes now come into my mind. I hear
Martha! Martha! It's the Martha Washington Geraniums, in bloom. Their puple, velvet shiny petals, etched in razor edge white. Oh what a delight. Can you envision this site?
I am here at the perfect hour before the meteor,cosmic shower. It's time for me to start back, with my precious picture, in my knapsack.
A great read and beautifully written.
honeytree.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Humble Thanks, honeytree
Comment from Stuart
Hi
I love the humour in this piece of writing, It's great to bob around with your mind in free flow.
All the best, Stuart
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
Hi
I love the humour in this piece of writing, It's great to bob around with your mind in free flow.
All the best, Stuart
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Humblr Thanks, Stuart
Comment from Adora Bayles
What a lovely pursuit of beauty! Even your name sings of cosmic intrigue. While there, you should've collected seeds for planting here on earth!
Adora
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
|
What a lovely pursuit of beauty! Even your name sings of cosmic intrigue. While there, you should've collected seeds for planting here on earth!
Adora
Comment Written 07-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2008
-
Humble thanks, Adora Bayles
-
You're welcome. Check out my new contest entry, "Roundup in Big Cypress." It's a hoot.