Sundays with you
To my husband Dave.53 total reviews
Comment from jshep
What a lovely well written story. The mood of the day wrapped itself around the reader. The comfort in a well-loved relationship shines through. Wonderful descriptions. "rituals of nothingness" - love that line and sure know what it means now that I am older. No spag found and no recommended changes. A comfortable and very nicely done write.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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What a lovely well written story. The mood of the day wrapped itself around the reader. The comfort in a well-loved relationship shines through. Wonderful descriptions. "rituals of nothingness" - love that line and sure know what it means now that I am older. No spag found and no recommended changes. A comfortable and very nicely done write.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2008
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Thank you jshep. I value your support.
Comment from PUPA
Amada. I enjoyed one Sunday with you and Dave, thank you dear friend! I loved your very detailed, descriptive writing that made the picture so vivid and real for the reader. The relaxed atmosphere was addictive.
I enjoyed reading this piece of writing very much.
Love
Pupa
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Amada. I enjoyed one Sunday with you and Dave, thank you dear friend! I loved your very detailed, descriptive writing that made the picture so vivid and real for the reader. The relaxed atmosphere was addictive.
I enjoyed reading this piece of writing very much.
Love
Pupa
Comment Written 09-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2008
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Thank you Pupa for the great review to this piece. I love your deligtful inputs.
Comment from It'sAllWrite
Your use of imagery in this piece is excellent: "Outside our window could be a harsh winter, but our tent is a sun-splashed summer." I could almost smell the cinnamon rolls through your successful execution of olfactory imagery.
Your language and tone are perfect for the content of this story. Through these you created a strong voice, which is one of the most important elements in non-fiction writing. Your poignant prose made the simple life seem much like a paradise, indeed.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2008
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Your use of imagery in this piece is excellent: "Outside our window could be a harsh winter, but our tent is a sun-splashed summer." I could almost smell the cinnamon rolls through your successful execution of olfactory imagery.
Your language and tone are perfect for the content of this story. Through these you created a strong voice, which is one of the most important elements in non-fiction writing. Your poignant prose made the simple life seem much like a paradise, indeed.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2008
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Thank you It'sAllWrite. Your comments are specially meaningful to me. They encourage me to continue writing, and dreaming, and blessing the writers in this site.
Comment from dorothy'stalker
Amada, this is so fine, so elemental, so elegant that I feel over whelmed with the truth and beauty of it. Send this and get money and recognition for it and give everyone an opportunity to revel in the beauty of it.
Dorothy'stalker
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Amada, this is so fine, so elemental, so elegant that I feel over whelmed with the truth and beauty of it. Send this and get money and recognition for it and give everyone an opportunity to revel in the beauty of it.
Dorothy'stalker
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Thank you Dorothy'stalker. Your comments are glorious. Thank you for those great good wishes.
Comment from c_lucas
"...celebrate rituals of nothingness." I love this phrase. Your use of imagery (i.e. "Daughter is cocooned, wrapped in a multicolor blanket, holding a children's
book on the weary couch.) and description of a lazy Sunday are superb. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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"...celebrate rituals of nothingness." I love this phrase. Your use of imagery (i.e. "Daughter is cocooned, wrapped in a multicolor blanket, holding a children's
book on the weary couch.) and description of a lazy Sunday are superb. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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I appreciate the great comments, and the review, thank you c_lucas.
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You're welcome. c_lucas
Comment from T.C. Hill
Excellent read, Amanda. It was short, but sweet. I don't know if I would agree with you on the John Williams tapes though :P
Keep up the good work,
~Thomas
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Excellent read, Amanda. It was short, but sweet. I don't know if I would agree with you on the John Williams tapes though :P
Keep up the good work,
~Thomas
Comment Written 04-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Thank you Thomas.
Comment from charissw
I loved it. The writer paints the picture so well that I can see the room and surroundings, I can almost see her and her beloved husband. How wonderful to make the day of rest truly a day of restful bliss! I saw no typos or other corrections to make. Keep up the wonderful work!
Char
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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I loved it. The writer paints the picture so well that I can see the room and surroundings, I can almost see her and her beloved husband. How wonderful to make the day of rest truly a day of restful bliss! I saw no typos or other corrections to make. Keep up the wonderful work!
Char
Comment Written 03-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2008
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Thank you Char for the great review and your special comments.
Comment from Oatmeal
amada,
First off, there are hard carriage returns on almost every sentence. You need to go back and delete them because 50% of your sentences only have a couple of words.
This is a very nice story. The story line flowed quite well. The characters seemed like family. The descriptions were well written.
I only spotted one SPAG-
From the kitchen, the impatient shriek of a (tea kettle) calls
**teakettle
Everything else but what I first mentioned looked good.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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amada,
First off, there are hard carriage returns on almost every sentence. You need to go back and delete them because 50% of your sentences only have a couple of words.
This is a very nice story. The story line flowed quite well. The characters seemed like family. The descriptions were well written.
I only spotted one SPAG-
From the kitchen, the impatient shriek of a (tea kettle) calls
**teakettle
Everything else but what I first mentioned looked good.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 03-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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Thank you dear fellow writer and supporter of my work. I mended those details, thank you for the update.
Comment from empire76
Almost Paradise. I like how that follows the phone rining. So you wonder if it's the invasion that makes it an almost paradise or is it that nothing is actual paradise
Nice flow. Nothing to change
Empi
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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Almost Paradise. I like how that follows the phone rining. So you wonder if it's the invasion that makes it an almost paradise or is it that nothing is actual paradise
Nice flow. Nothing to change
Empi
Comment Written 03-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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Thank you, Empi. I liked the allusion to that phone ringing.
Comment from PineappleSmiles
I liked the overall nostalgic feel of this. I could easily see the kind of lazy day Sundays are for you and your husband. Your devotion to him is also evident.
I was a little thrown off by the spacing/formatting which slowed me down a bit. It would read better if it visually flowed better. Perhaps simply do to copying and pasting into the on-site editor? Still, worth the small effort to fix this before posting. Here are a few other specifics that got my attention.
>annoyed floor
How is a floor annoyed? Would "cluttered" be a better word choice?
>glowing fireplace
I like this as I can picture a roaring fire. I did wonder, though, why would there be a glowing fireplace when your "tent" outside "is a sun-splashed summer'?
>merrily pink twirl
I don't understand this. What is a "pink" twirl?
That's it. Nice ending.
Good luck!
LeanBean
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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I liked the overall nostalgic feel of this. I could easily see the kind of lazy day Sundays are for you and your husband. Your devotion to him is also evident.
I was a little thrown off by the spacing/formatting which slowed me down a bit. It would read better if it visually flowed better. Perhaps simply do to copying and pasting into the on-site editor? Still, worth the small effort to fix this before posting. Here are a few other specifics that got my attention.
>annoyed floor
How is a floor annoyed? Would "cluttered" be a better word choice?
>glowing fireplace
I like this as I can picture a roaring fire. I did wonder, though, why would there be a glowing fireplace when your "tent" outside "is a sun-splashed summer'?
>merrily pink twirl
I don't understand this. What is a "pink" twirl?
That's it. Nice ending.
Good luck!
LeanBean
Comment Written 03-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2008
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Thank you LeanBean for the review, and your comments. I see your points, I will rework some of them. "pink twirl" was just an inspiration, a thought that starting nudging me to be included. It means, for me, dancing crazily, without rhytm, who cares sort of dancing....I thought it would be allright to write crazy if we feel crazy, once in a while. What do you think?
