When Angels Cry
An old Friend That Needs Everyone's Prayers84 total reviews
Comment from phild
You have crafted another beautiful piece and one that hits home with me. "Lost is only half the coin ... found is the other" is such an inspirational line. Thanks.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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You have crafted another beautiful piece and one that hits home with me. "Lost is only half the coin ... found is the other" is such an inspirational line. Thanks.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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hi ther phild..thanks so much for sticking with me i compeltely appreciate it...your are the best. yours, diana
Comment from SWANNY
Great inspirational piece with a great message. I enjoyed reading this and only came across one tiny thing that I'd suggest changing:
Please see past the darkness you currently are mired in and rejoice with those that love you; (those who love you)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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Great inspirational piece with a great message. I enjoyed reading this and only came across one tiny thing that I'd suggest changing:
Please see past the darkness you currently are mired in and rejoice with those that love you; (those who love you)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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hi there swanny thanks so much and i will run to take a look at the suggestion...thanks yours, diana
Comment from NadineM
I liked your letter of encouragement. I imagine many people might be needing these words and wishes sent their way. I cannot help but feel these might be meant for our dear friend, Polly. If so, she'll be feeling blessed and comforted by your words. If I presumed incorrectly, please know that your encouraging words would be well-received by anyone needing that gentle emotional boost!
The love and concern is felt very strongly in the words you chose to write.
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the message of hope and found your words soothing myself!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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I liked your letter of encouragement. I imagine many people might be needing these words and wishes sent their way. I cannot help but feel these might be meant for our dear friend, Polly. If so, she'll be feeling blessed and comforted by your words. If I presumed incorrectly, please know that your encouraging words would be well-received by anyone needing that gentle emotional boost!
The love and concern is felt very strongly in the words you chose to write.
Thanks for sharing this. I enjoyed the message of hope and found your words soothing myself!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2008
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hi nadine...thanks so much for all of your thoughts and your wonderful comments...yours, diana
Comment from AlvinTEthington
A very moving poem. I once took in a friend who had a drug addiction (he had been beaten by his drug dealers and left homeless) and he would disappear when he was using. When he would disappear, I would feel the way you describe in this poem, and want to say those words to him (see my poem "Soon.") This is a well-written poem to which all compassionate people can relate. An excellent work.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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A very moving poem. I once took in a friend who had a drug addiction (he had been beaten by his drug dealers and left homeless) and he would disappear when he was using. When he would disappear, I would feel the way you describe in this poem, and want to say those words to him (see my poem "Soon.") This is a well-written poem to which all compassionate people can relate. An excellent work.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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thanks so much Alvin...it is a tough one and all you can do is love them...thanks for the read. yours, diana
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I feel like your friend only I'm starting to reach out to people and yeah. I hope your friend finds her way. You did a wonderful job expressing yourself.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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I feel like your friend only I'm starting to reach out to people and yeah. I hope your friend finds her way. You did a wonderful job expressing yourself.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2008
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that makes me happier than you can ever imagine...you keep carrying it around, it will eat you up inside...that isn't just a saying it is the truth...so tell the world...yours, diana
Comment from AbigailDavid
Nicely written with a lot of emotion. I thought this a very good response to your friends suffering. Everyone needs a friend like you from time to time. I hope things pick-up for them.
Keep writing!
Like this a lot.
Abby
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Nicely written with a lot of emotion. I thought this a very good response to your friends suffering. Everyone needs a friend like you from time to time. I hope things pick-up for them.
Keep writing!
Like this a lot.
Abby
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
Comment from JustJenny12345
Hi Artasylum, this was obviously filled with emotion and I'm assuming is to be read as a prayer? I appreciate that the sentiment is beautiful and noble and I applaud you for that and wish your friend (if this is non-fiction) all the best in their journey towards finding that light and indeed, the way home (metaphorically or literally).
As to the write itself, I found a few problems with it that you might want to look at, I've listed some examples below:
Today I heard your words of desperation and pain. You tell me that you're 'no longer able to find your own way.' -- there seems to be a tense switch here. I'd suggest you go with either, Today I heard ... and then You told me that ... or Today I hear ... and you tell me ...
I don't think you need the speech marks either, as you're not really using speech. The narrator is telling the reader. so unless the other character speaks, they are not necessary.
Same in paragraph two with the speech marks.
Please hear me when I tell you(,) even though you're feeling lost and alone; your lost state is just (you could lose 'just')temporary. The good news is that you're seeking a trail home
Lost is only half the coin...found is the other. -- I'd suggest use either side of the coin, or use another descriptive, you don't tend to get half a coin.
I love your spirit, your being, and cherish your exquisite words. All of those things (even though buried,) await your triumphant return. -- I like this, very nice.
Please see past the darkness you currently are mired in and rejoice -- should that be mirrored? Could well be it's a word I don't know, but I'd suggest mirrored anyway. I'd also suggest switching your construction to -- you are currently mirrored ... it sounds smoother than currently are ...
So (...) or (,) my joyless friend(,) let me take your hands.
Looking deep into your opening eyes, -- odd descriptive and very cliche.
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Hi Artasylum, this was obviously filled with emotion and I'm assuming is to be read as a prayer? I appreciate that the sentiment is beautiful and noble and I applaud you for that and wish your friend (if this is non-fiction) all the best in their journey towards finding that light and indeed, the way home (metaphorically or literally).
As to the write itself, I found a few problems with it that you might want to look at, I've listed some examples below:
Today I heard your words of desperation and pain. You tell me that you're 'no longer able to find your own way.' -- there seems to be a tense switch here. I'd suggest you go with either, Today I heard ... and then You told me that ... or Today I hear ... and you tell me ...
I don't think you need the speech marks either, as you're not really using speech. The narrator is telling the reader. so unless the other character speaks, they are not necessary.
Same in paragraph two with the speech marks.
Please hear me when I tell you(,) even though you're feeling lost and alone; your lost state is just (you could lose 'just')temporary. The good news is that you're seeking a trail home
Lost is only half the coin...found is the other. -- I'd suggest use either side of the coin, or use another descriptive, you don't tend to get half a coin.
I love your spirit, your being, and cherish your exquisite words. All of those things (even though buried,) await your triumphant return. -- I like this, very nice.
Please see past the darkness you currently are mired in and rejoice -- should that be mirrored? Could well be it's a word I don't know, but I'd suggest mirrored anyway. I'd also suggest switching your construction to -- you are currently mirrored ... it sounds smoother than currently are ...
So (...) or (,) my joyless friend(,) let me take your hands.
Looking deep into your opening eyes, -- odd descriptive and very cliche.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
Comment from NathLong19
Can i just say I love your work! If i ever write anything half as well worded and inspired as you i will be so pleased. this is filled with so much emotion it is jumping off the page, you can really connect with the feelings expressed. Loved it!
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Can i just say I love your work! If i ever write anything half as well worded and inspired as you i will be so pleased. this is filled with so much emotion it is jumping off the page, you can really connect with the feelings expressed. Loved it!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
Comment from FlaFaerie
Hello
This is a simple, but lovely story.. I enjoyed reading it.. Simple in words but powerful in meaning..
Of course, I could find nothing wrong with it. :)
Hugs
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Hello
This is a simple, but lovely story.. I enjoyed reading it.. Simple in words but powerful in meaning..
Of course, I could find nothing wrong with it. :)
Hugs
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
Comment from mildredmolanki
Emotional writing. I imagine that most of us have felt this way at some point..unfortunately. Touching, without being sentimental. Carefully chosen words, direct and clear with no frills. Kind regards.
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Emotional writing. I imagine that most of us have felt this way at some point..unfortunately. Touching, without being sentimental. Carefully chosen words, direct and clear with no frills. Kind regards.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2008
