The Cyber Space Garden
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Flowers on Saturnilia"The garden of peaceful serenity and beauty,
3 total reviews
Comment from TheFex
Did you mean "an Eurasian SPECIES"... I suppose specie would work though... but oddly.
--->"A Eurasian specie of North America,"<--- I dont understand how a Eurasian (of a mixture of Europe and Asia) is "of" North America... that doesnt make sense to me.
/its'/ it's
/Saturns'/ Saturn's
I would also remove the comma before "profound"
Saturn's rings, btw, are primarily water ice mixed with dust particles, carbon and nickel ore... Saturn ITSELF is primarily hydrogen and helium however...
I wasn't terribly moved by the poem as a whole, but I do like the attempt to place the reader in a different world.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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Did you mean "an Eurasian SPECIES"... I suppose specie would work though... but oddly.
--->"A Eurasian specie of North America,"<--- I dont understand how a Eurasian (of a mixture of Europe and Asia) is "of" North America... that doesnt make sense to me.
/its'/ it's
/Saturns'/ Saturn's
I would also remove the comma before "profound"
Saturn's rings, btw, are primarily water ice mixed with dust particles, carbon and nickel ore... Saturn ITSELF is primarily hydrogen and helium however...
I wasn't terribly moved by the poem as a whole, but I do like the attempt to place the reader in a different world.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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It;s a mind fantasy poem in a different world., The Fex
Comment from S.Yocom
This little poem is beautifully written. May I make a few corrections in punctuation? The possessive word "its" does not have an apostrophe. When there is an apostrophe, the word means "it is" or "it has." The word "Saturn's" should have the apostrophe before the "s," as I did here. And it would be better if there were no comma before "profound."
I'm sorry to be so picky, but your poem is so lovely that I want it to be perfect.
Sally
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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This little poem is beautifully written. May I make a few corrections in punctuation? The possessive word "its" does not have an apostrophe. When there is an apostrophe, the word means "it is" or "it has." The word "Saturn's" should have the apostrophe before the "s," as I did here. And it would be better if there were no comma before "profound."
I'm sorry to be so picky, but your poem is so lovely that I want it to be perfect.
Sally
Comment Written 10-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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I humbley thank you and I will make the corrections. S.Yocon
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Thank you a lot for making the corrections I suggested. Some people are so stubborn that they will not change anything, but you did, and your poem is beautiful.
Sally
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I do really appreciate an honest critique of my work. It's so helpful.
Thanks. S.Yocom
Comment from Rizalbob
A beautiful verse powerfully written.
Beautiful flow and rythem.
May I suggest you change the text colour of the verse just below the picture to something brighter as it cannot be seen.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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A beautiful verse powerfully written.
Beautiful flow and rythem.
May I suggest you change the text colour of the verse just below the picture to something brighter as it cannot be seen.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2008
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Humble Thanks, Rizalbob