Dark Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Heart of Stone"A collection of short stories and flash fiction
27 total reviews
Comment from Tenobia
Told you I would be back! :-)
This story is down right scary in the fact that it paints the horrifying truth of spousal abuse. I cringe to think how many women have endured this. I imagine that many have even "snapped" in the same way. It is a shame that those women spend years of their lives locked away (though murder IS wrong!).
Another great story. I look forward to reading the rest. Oh, btw... I became a fan so I could get updates whenever you post new work!
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Told you I would be back! :-)
This story is down right scary in the fact that it paints the horrifying truth of spousal abuse. I cringe to think how many women have endured this. I imagine that many have even "snapped" in the same way. It is a shame that those women spend years of their lives locked away (though murder IS wrong!).
Another great story. I look forward to reading the rest. Oh, btw... I became a fan so I could get updates whenever you post new work!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2010
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Hi again Tenobia! Thank you again for such an outstanding review :-) I must say that I am honored you chose to award 2 of my stories 6 stars. And I am glad to know that you have joined my fan base! I hope that my future (and previous) works continue to meet with such high approval!
Comment from davidray
Wow, you cfertainly painted a realistic picture of what sposal abuse is like! Well done! :) Yourt picture was very captivating. a couple things I'm gonna mention:
-grimacing at the soreness of her body (grimaced at the sorenes sor due to the soreness?
-casting smiles over his shoulder. Those smiles send a shiver down her back.
( Try this: ...'casting smiles over his shoulder, sending shivers down her back.' It drops a few unnecessary words and I think reads better.)
Congrats on a job well done!
Hugs, David
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Wow, you cfertainly painted a realistic picture of what sposal abuse is like! Well done! :) Yourt picture was very captivating. a couple things I'm gonna mention:
-grimacing at the soreness of her body (grimaced at the sorenes sor due to the soreness?
-casting smiles over his shoulder. Those smiles send a shiver down her back.
( Try this: ...'casting smiles over his shoulder, sending shivers down her back.' It drops a few unnecessary words and I think reads better.)
Congrats on a job well done!
Hugs, David
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Max Edon
You should not use adverbs. Use verbs with punch instead. Why was this written in the present tense? It would have been much better if written in the past tense,
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You should not use adverbs. Use verbs with punch instead. Why was this written in the present tense? It would have been much better if written in the past tense,
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from 1archangel
a brutal story very well written and presented...a very creative and timely post...gruesome ending...excellent writing, my friend...interesting to say the least
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a brutal story very well written and presented...a very creative and timely post...gruesome ending...excellent writing, my friend...interesting to say the least
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Susan E. Pennycuff
Wow...I mean Wow
Now I am thinking I need to go back and read this from the beginning
you didn't waste a single word, did you?
This is very good dear, you had my attention for the first line
but then how could you not, what a first line that was.
great job
I guess I will be sitting here waiting for the police right along with everyone else
(maybe I can catch a few of the back chapters while I wait, wonder what their response time is...lol)
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Wow...I mean Wow
Now I am thinking I need to go back and read this from the beginning
you didn't waste a single word, did you?
This is very good dear, you had my attention for the first line
but then how could you not, what a first line that was.
great job
I guess I will be sitting here waiting for the police right along with everyone else
(maybe I can catch a few of the back chapters while I wait, wonder what their response time is...lol)
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Karen Fay
I almost didn't read this because I knew it would bring back awful memories and it did but I have to say even if it's wrong to think this I LOVED THE ENDING God Bless.......Karen Fay
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I almost didn't read this because I knew it would bring back awful memories and it did but I have to say even if it's wrong to think this I LOVED THE ENDING God Bless.......Karen Fay
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from wirenut
Yo Stanford
such violence from such a young girl, I guess you know where you're going with this, me, I'm gonna go wash my hands, I feel dirty.
I guess becasue hitting women don't come easy for me... or taking knives in the chest, yikes! my tender virgin eyes... ;-)
did I fool ya?
dramatic write, keep it up, following along here
Rick
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Yo Stanford
such violence from such a young girl, I guess you know where you're going with this, me, I'm gonna go wash my hands, I feel dirty.
I guess becasue hitting women don't come easy for me... or taking knives in the chest, yikes! my tender virgin eyes... ;-)
did I fool ya?
dramatic write, keep it up, following along here
Rick
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Dragonmac
Note to self: don't abuse your wife and then fix her a rare steak afterwards. Those steak knives can be murder. I think the bastard got what he deserved. I haven't read any of the other chapters in this piece but this one caught my interest. It read smooth. I don't know what she is going to say to the police when they get there. I was cutting the steak and the knife slipped? I write fantasy and horror, too. Thanks for sharing this little piece of a dark life.
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Note to self: don't abuse your wife and then fix her a rare steak afterwards. Those steak knives can be murder. I think the bastard got what he deserved. I haven't read any of the other chapters in this piece but this one caught my interest. It read smooth. I don't know what she is going to say to the police when they get there. I was cutting the steak and the knife slipped? I write fantasy and horror, too. Thanks for sharing this little piece of a dark life.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Mouse
Scarily enough, you've captured this woman very well. The silence from her, her attempts to do whatever he wants in order to placate him, but mostly her detachment is very accurately portrayed. This is exactly what happens. At times like this, the mind and emotions shut down. I think it's a damaged psyche's effort at self-preservation.
This woman has been through this so many times and her detached state is so complete, I don't think she even thought about stabbing him ... she just did it. Then dials 911, steps over him, and returns to the livingroom as blandly as if she were doing some household chore.
Very well done.
Cheers,
Mouse
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Scarily enough, you've captured this woman very well. The silence from her, her attempts to do whatever he wants in order to placate him, but mostly her detachment is very accurately portrayed. This is exactly what happens. At times like this, the mind and emotions shut down. I think it's a damaged psyche's effort at self-preservation.
This woman has been through this so many times and her detached state is so complete, I don't think she even thought about stabbing him ... she just did it. Then dials 911, steps over him, and returns to the livingroom as blandly as if she were doing some household chore.
Very well done.
Cheers,
Mouse
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007
Comment from Moira's Amethyst
Rinsing out the bloodied rag, she turns off the water and hangs it over the faucet, then stares at her reflection. What have I become?, she silently asks it. Where did I go?
I think you might want to change that to "Where did I go wrong?" It doesn't seem to make sense the way it is.
Loved the story. I think that sort of thing happens far too often. I am so glad our heroine got him in the end. After what he did, he sure doesn't deserve her. Loved it from beginning to end. Worthy of five stars!
Best wishes~Kaff ~|: > )
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Rinsing out the bloodied rag, she turns off the water and hangs it over the faucet, then stares at her reflection. What have I become?, she silently asks it. Where did I go?
I think you might want to change that to "Where did I go wrong?" It doesn't seem to make sense the way it is.
Loved the story. I think that sort of thing happens far too often. I am so glad our heroine got him in the end. After what he did, he sure doesn't deserve her. Loved it from beginning to end. Worthy of five stars!
Best wishes~Kaff ~|: > )
Comment Written 29-Jul-2007