Comment from Peterchrd

Excellent

WOW, this is very good. I cannot write a good Haiku to save my life :-/ but this one is very descriptive and paints a great picture. Thank you for sharing

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2007

Comment from AlvinTEthington

Excellent

This is a good what I would term postmodern haiku--it is seamless and can be said with one breath. There are some things that are odd in haiku, but you have met the contest requirements. What is odd is that I, at least, cannot find a cutter between two lines with concrete imagery and a satori (a moment of insight.) Capitalizing the first word is odd--haiku usually only admit of capitalization unless absolutely necessary (e.g. months of the year.) Similes and personification are allowed in, again, what I term postmodern haiku, but not in the rigid contemporary haiku, but that is an extremely minor concern. Haiku usually should have an unfinished nature, so one usually doesn't find periods in haiku. However, none of these characteristics of haiku is mentioned in the contest instructions, so I don't feel right about giving you less than five stars. I do recommend to you Jane Reichhold's "Writing and Enjoying Haiku," which I think is the best work in English on haiku. I also have a work in my portfolio called "Haiku are not about counting syllables," which you might find helpful.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2007

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2007

Hey... I actually went and read through several of your haiku poems before attempting mine. This work was only my second foray into this form of poetry so I am still in a learning curve. Probably not the best of times to enter a contest, but what they hey? You never know till you try. I did not, however, read the work you recommended. I will be sure to do so soon. Every little bit helps.

Thanks for stopping in to read and review my work!

Comment from BeMused

Excellent

The art of haiku is a strange and wonderful enigma. This piece is well written and very descriptive. The picture adds a nice touch. Good luck in the contest.

Warm Regards,

BeMused

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2007

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2007

Thank you for your wonderful review!
*grins nervously*---- fingers crossed :-D

Comment from fastdigits

Excellent

Nicely done Haiku, following the
format and giving a visual picture
of what you want the reader's mind
to see.
Well done

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2007

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2007

Thank you! This is only my second attempt at this form of poetry and I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about the contest. But with such a lovely review to calm my nerves, I may not bit off all my fingernails before it's judged...lol