Poetry, Dreams In Motion.
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Sublime Indifferences"A collection of poetry.
8 total reviews
Comment from skye
Lovely acrostic poem, very well written, great lines, nice rhythm.
You have a strong contest entry.
Your words are unusual, very vivid, and speak volumes, layers, and tell the story in a strong manner.
I like it very much.
Good luck in the contest. Kathy
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2007
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Lovely acrostic poem, very well written, great lines, nice rhythm.
You have a strong contest entry.
Your words are unusual, very vivid, and speak volumes, layers, and tell the story in a strong manner.
I like it very much.
Good luck in the contest. Kathy
Comment Written 04-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2007
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Oh thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Fingers crossed *wink* :-D
Comment from kintesiegel
I love the way you created this. It is very clever and has the didactic advice on how to live well and with other people. Nice job.
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2007
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I love the way you created this. It is very clever and has the didactic advice on how to live well and with other people. Nice job.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2007
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Thank you for this glowing review! I am glad that you were able to see the meaning behind the words and the warning they impart to the reader.
Comment from Kingsland
imbibe-- to drink in
I love the use of that word
as I have used it a time or two myself
and this poem is very well written in form and format
it flows along very smoothly with good imagery
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed this well written verse... John
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2007
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imbibe-- to drink in
I love the use of that word
as I have used it a time or two myself
and this poem is very well written in form and format
it flows along very smoothly with good imagery
this was my pleasure to have read and reviewed this well written verse... John
Comment Written 04-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2007
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Thank you again for such a splendid review! I appreciate your comments and your time. I hope that my words were able to give you a glimpse into the grief of his soul as he pleaded with his indifferent lover.
Comment from Clouddancer
A perfect picture of thought processes when observing one who is indifferent to feelings. Each line flows into the next with use of the beginning letter that ties subline indifferences together. it incorporates emotions building from judgmental feelings, to pleading, enticement,and pleading again, and finally impatience and realization that the object of this indifffernec is ignoring the writer. Tied together nicely with the beginning and ending lines that signify cognizant recognition of the hopelessness of reaching one who feels superior this is a wonderful acrostic. Good imagery and use of language. Wish I'd written that poem!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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A perfect picture of thought processes when observing one who is indifferent to feelings. Each line flows into the next with use of the beginning letter that ties subline indifferences together. it incorporates emotions building from judgmental feelings, to pleading, enticement,and pleading again, and finally impatience and realization that the object of this indifffernec is ignoring the writer. Tied together nicely with the beginning and ending lines that signify cognizant recognition of the hopelessness of reaching one who feels superior this is a wonderful acrostic. Good imagery and use of language. Wish I'd written that poem!
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Thank you so much. It was actually very hard to get everything I wanted to say into it. When writing, I was enticed by so many different thoughts and feelings. But I was pleased with the end result. I am glad that you saw the whole picture behind the words and noticed the meaning of the first and last lines tying it all together. :-)
Thank you for reading my work and the wonderful review!
G.
Comment from rivki1111
Hi, a very good acrostic....I'm feeling happy as i knew the meaning of the words, but it is a good idea for you to put the meanings at the end. Technology is great for finding words though, I just right click on a word and you can have all the synonyms and their meanings at your fingertips....
I noticed no errors while reading your work, and have no suggestion for improvement. Thanks for sharing your writing, and good luck with the competition, cheers, rebekah
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Hi, a very good acrostic....I'm feeling happy as i knew the meaning of the words, but it is a good idea for you to put the meanings at the end. Technology is great for finding words though, I just right click on a word and you can have all the synonyms and their meanings at your fingertips....
I noticed no errors while reading your work, and have no suggestion for improvement. Thanks for sharing your writing, and good luck with the competition, cheers, rebekah
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I actually spent over two hours just tracking down the words I needed to incorporate the thoughts and emotions I wanted to empart to the reader. I wasn't sure how many people were aware of the meanings though... and I didn't want anyone to poopoo my work on that basis. Hence the inclusion of the definitions at the end. :-)
Thank you again and for the luck as well :-D
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is original it reads very well I've never seen this style of poetry that rhymes you have been very descriptive only one small suggestion if possible to separate the two words well done regards Fuller
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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This is original it reads very well I've never seen this style of poetry that rhymes you have been very descriptive only one small suggestion if possible to separate the two words well done regards Fuller
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Done! Lol... I went in and seperated them. I didn't realize I hadn't (oops) but I WAS in a rush... my internet connection was going down! I mean, how inconsiderate! :-P
Anyway.... :-) Thank you for reading through my poem. To be honest, it was a hard one to write. One because of the style, and two because (as you noted) I wanted it to rhyme, to be a little different than the norm.
Thanks again!
Comment from RSnyder
Hi Ricouard,
Great words! Thanks for the information in your author's notes. I have heard of some of the words before but the definitions were helpful.
It is really nice to see something different like this. I think this poem has great rhythm too. Good luck in the contest!
Roberta
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Hi Ricouard,
Great words! Thanks for the information in your author's notes. I have heard of some of the words before but the definitions were helpful.
It is really nice to see something different like this. I think this poem has great rhythm too. Good luck in the contest!
Roberta
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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Thank you very much for such a wonderful review! I'm glad I was able to stand out a bit (I was trying *wink*). I wanted to use the style, but I wanted the rhyme and rhythm as well. HARD to pull of with acrostic poetry...lol. Again, thanks for taking the time to read and review!
Comment from Liilia
This poem has a lot of promise. Some of the stanzas are really smooth and the rhymes flow, such as:
Sitting there upon your throne,
Underbreath you speak your woe,
Building walls I'll never scale-
Living life behind their veil.
and
Cease your indifference, come to me.
End my torment and be not stone
Sitting there upon your throne.
Some of the lines in the middle are a bit awkward, owing perhaps to the constriction of the acrostic letters. The ideas are strong and certainly clear to me of a lover pleading with an aloof object of love. Nice job.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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This poem has a lot of promise. Some of the stanzas are really smooth and the rhymes flow, such as:
Sitting there upon your throne,
Underbreath you speak your woe,
Building walls I'll never scale-
Living life behind their veil.
and
Cease your indifference, come to me.
End my torment and be not stone
Sitting there upon your throne.
Some of the lines in the middle are a bit awkward, owing perhaps to the constriction of the acrostic letters. The ideas are strong and certainly clear to me of a lover pleading with an aloof object of love. Nice job.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2007
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2007
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I went in and revised (only a tad.. too much would have killed the meaning) and I invite you to read over it again. Even if you decide not to, I appreciate you taking the time to read and review! :-D
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The revised version reads much smoother. I love it. :) Liilian