Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "O Bards!"Experiences of living
103 total reviews
Comment from Caressa_08
A good poem for me to comprehend, with the tulip, where I reside, soon to bloom, for Springtime here is in the air.. the white force to the black force , showing how one might live in each two different worlds, which I see as good & bad..
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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A good poem for me to comprehend, with the tulip, where I reside, soon to bloom, for Springtime here is in the air.. the white force to the black force , showing how one might live in each two different worlds, which I see as good & bad..
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for interesting review
Comment from c_lucas
Wisdom is the knowledge of your ignorance. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an intligent read.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Wisdom is the knowledge of your ignorance. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an intligent read.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
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You're welcome.
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hello, Poet
This is the first of your writing I've seen and reviewed.
You've an interesting style, and I'm not quite sure
what you're saying; however, the poem has me
pondering your meaning.
I admire the use of the white tulip as a metaphor
for God's grace.
-Ray
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Hello, Poet
This is the first of your writing I've seen and reviewed.
You've an interesting style, and I'm not quite sure
what you're saying; however, the poem has me
pondering your meaning.
I admire the use of the white tulip as a metaphor
for God's grace.
-Ray
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for excellent professional review
Comment from ~Dovey
This is reminiscent of the very foundations of poetry, much like the Biblical representations of the Psalms in the Old Testament.
This is a beautiful image: Infinite mortal lessons poured in tiny white petals
O tulip! You carry His White Message, so mute!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This is reminiscent of the very foundations of poetry, much like the Biblical representations of the Psalms in the Old Testament.
This is a beautiful image: Infinite mortal lessons poured in tiny white petals
O tulip! You carry His White Message, so mute!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for eloquent review
Comment from rama devi
Love the tulip imagery. Like other works you posted today, these are much more lucid and easier to follow than the ones I reviewed previously.
The opening stanza is fluid and inspired...I like the tone and pacing as well as the tenor of praise, awe and gratitude with prayerful overtones. Nice alliteration and consonance of G and consonance of P, S, F, R and L. sounds good read aloud.
However, the last line of that stanza is perplexing and draws the reader right out of the mood the first lines evoke...
Good Heavens! Wise bards drink white to the lee
On second read, my interpretation is that the poets are getting drunk on the pure white metaphor of the tulip. Not sure what "to the lee' means?
LOVE THIS LINE-
When bloomed, graced hearts take essence, o fate!
And these lines are good too--easier to absorb and so true, too:
But wretched minds then busy in occupation, belly earning,
livelihood, miss you, eat dark, live black;
you go grave silent 'fore day begins!
A day's life! Wise learn, enjoy cream, salute Him!
**Starting two stanzas in a row with the word BUT is not optimal, IMHO.
Spag suggestion:
But wise bards extract whiteness, give life in words(.)
Love this line, on second read, as it means the poets 'extract' purity and imbue that essence in their words. NICE! Lovely.
Living messengers offer your white fragrance,
share His Gifts in white and imbue mankind
Yes - nice--but the sentence dangles incompletely, as the next line seems to be a new sentence. May I suggest:
Living messengers offer your white fragrance,
share His Gifts in white and imbue purity into mankind
No idea what this line means:
Beauty in alphas turn presages,
This is a nice exclamatory and energetic closing note-
O bards! Man salutes!
This is one of my favorite of all the poems of yours I've read. It's inspired and delightful. Still needs fine tuning, though.
Best wishes,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Love the tulip imagery. Like other works you posted today, these are much more lucid and easier to follow than the ones I reviewed previously.
The opening stanza is fluid and inspired...I like the tone and pacing as well as the tenor of praise, awe and gratitude with prayerful overtones. Nice alliteration and consonance of G and consonance of P, S, F, R and L. sounds good read aloud.
However, the last line of that stanza is perplexing and draws the reader right out of the mood the first lines evoke...
Good Heavens! Wise bards drink white to the lee
On second read, my interpretation is that the poets are getting drunk on the pure white metaphor of the tulip. Not sure what "to the lee' means?
LOVE THIS LINE-
When bloomed, graced hearts take essence, o fate!
And these lines are good too--easier to absorb and so true, too:
But wretched minds then busy in occupation, belly earning,
livelihood, miss you, eat dark, live black;
you go grave silent 'fore day begins!
A day's life! Wise learn, enjoy cream, salute Him!
**Starting two stanzas in a row with the word BUT is not optimal, IMHO.
Spag suggestion:
But wise bards extract whiteness, give life in words(.)
Love this line, on second read, as it means the poets 'extract' purity and imbue that essence in their words. NICE! Lovely.
Living messengers offer your white fragrance,
share His Gifts in white and imbue mankind
Yes - nice--but the sentence dangles incompletely, as the next line seems to be a new sentence. May I suggest:
Living messengers offer your white fragrance,
share His Gifts in white and imbue purity into mankind
No idea what this line means:
Beauty in alphas turn presages,
This is a nice exclamatory and energetic closing note-
O bards! Man salutes!
This is one of my favorite of all the poems of yours I've read. It's inspired and delightful. Still needs fine tuning, though.
Best wishes,
rd
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I don't understand this poem at all. I think it is about being true to the good in life, in poetry, and not to dwell on material things. If you are going to write such deep thoughts you could give us a hint in the Authors notes so we won't get a headache reading it so many times to figure it out.. Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I don't understand this poem at all. I think it is about being true to the good in life, in poetry, and not to dwell on material things. If you are going to write such deep thoughts you could give us a hint in the Authors notes so we won't get a headache reading it so many times to figure it out.. Nancy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from closetpoetjester
This one is much better so a good effort. I see nothing wrong with this piece and your faith within. Expressed quite eloquently in parts and MUCH more understandable than "O'Black"...
Good structure within your stanzas but this is still only a fair effort.
You say this book is dedicated to mankind,...to be fair, I think you should say its dedicated to God, which is fine but if its dedicated to mankind then it would be about mankind, not God and it would be designed for everyone, not just followers of your God.
Well thats how it sits with this reader. Good luck with your future attempted reign of the front page.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This one is much better so a good effort. I see nothing wrong with this piece and your faith within. Expressed quite eloquently in parts and MUCH more understandable than "O'Black"...
Good structure within your stanzas but this is still only a fair effort.
You say this book is dedicated to mankind,...to be fair, I think you should say its dedicated to God, which is fine but if its dedicated to mankind then it would be about mankind, not God and it would be designed for everyone, not just followers of your God.
Well thats how it sits with this reader. Good luck with your future attempted reign of the front page.
Cheers P
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from muezza56
another interesting and unusual and original style of writing, although it does seem unfair that this writer is paying his way to the top of the listings, the irony of which is his examination of human nature and it's various faults
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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another interesting and unusual and original style of writing, although it does seem unfair that this writer is paying his way to the top of the listings, the irony of which is his examination of human nature and it's various faults
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for great review
Comment from Gert sherwood
ALCREATOR LITT RAY D
After reading over your excllent pondering poem it dawned on me of what you meant by the White message , your were referring to--
Ellen G. White (1827-1915) was inspired by God as a prophet, today understood as a manifestation of the New Testament "gift of prophecy", as described in the official beliefs of the church.[1] Her works are officially considered to hold a secondary role to the Bible, but in practice there is wide variation among Adventists as to exactly how much authority should be attributed to her writings. With understanding she claimed was received in visions, White made administrative decisions, gave personal messages of encouragement or rebuke to church members. Seventh-day Adventists believe that only the Bible is sufficient for forming doctrines and beliefs, a position Ellen White supported.
I know I may be wrong?
Gert
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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ALCREATOR LITT RAY D
After reading over your excllent pondering poem it dawned on me of what you meant by the White message , your were referring to--
Ellen G. White (1827-1915) was inspired by God as a prophet, today understood as a manifestation of the New Testament "gift of prophecy", as described in the official beliefs of the church.[1] Her works are officially considered to hold a secondary role to the Bible, but in practice there is wide variation among Adventists as to exactly how much authority should be attributed to her writings. With understanding she claimed was received in visions, White made administrative decisions, gave personal messages of encouragement or rebuke to church members. Seventh-day Adventists believe that only the Bible is sufficient for forming doctrines and beliefs, a position Ellen White supported.
I know I may be wrong?
Gert
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for excellent professional review
much appreciated
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You ar so welcome
Gert
Comment from Robin Gilmor
I take that all the white is purity of words as well as form. Lee is protection of
the truth in pearls of wisdom, drink and whatever. Serve and choose the
truest. Smooth and eloquently described. Enjoyable. Robin :)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I take that all the white is purity of words as well as form. Lee is protection of
the truth in pearls of wisdom, drink and whatever. Serve and choose the
truest. Smooth and eloquently described. Enjoyable. Robin :)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks for nice review
