Something Was Moving in the Dark
A Contest Entry for December '2517 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Not sure if it was a Big Foot or just large toed?
I am certain it was all a dream. How could it not have been? Unless.....well, you just never know.
Sweet dreams, my friend!
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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Not sure if it was a Big Foot or just large toed?
I am certain it was all a dream. How could it not have been? Unless.....well, you just never know.
Sweet dreams, my friend!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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An eight foot toad? I still would have sat down in fear. Have you seen how they throw out that tonhue to capture a fly?
Comment from Wendy G
A very creepy story - and we still don't know if it was a dream or not. It's expressed well, and flows smoothly. Sending you best wishes for the far-distant contest. You are certainly getting in early!
Wendy
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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A very creepy story - and we still don't know if it was a dream or not. It's expressed well, and flows smoothly. Sending you best wishes for the far-distant contest. You are certainly getting in early!
Wendy
Comment Written 06-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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More than likely.
Early? If I hadn't gotten in I would have forgotten about it come November. Still, I enjoyed it, and it seemed the reviewers did, too.
Thank you.
Are there stories of Bigfoot Down Under? I know it exists in the Himalayas.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Tom,
This is a great story. Do you think in real life you would have sat on the ground and watched Sasquatch? I can guarantee if it was me I would have run for my life.
Great job my friend and good luck in the contest.
Cecilia
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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Tom,
This is a great story. Do you think in real life you would have sat on the ground and watched Sasquatch? I can guarantee if it was me I would have run for my life.
Great job my friend and good luck in the contest.
Cecilia
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2025
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YEs, for had I moved I would have thought I would have made a tasty meal, and at the time it seemed to be satisfied with fruit and nuts.
Comment from Mrs Anna Howard
This is intense and creepy! The pacing is very good. I was engaged throughout. I love the ending when the narrator sort of questioned his/her own perception. Wishing you the best for the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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This is intense and creepy! The pacing is very good. I was engaged throughout. I love the ending when the narrator sort of questioned his/her own perception. Wishing you the best for the contest!
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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My purpose in writing is to bring joy to the world
I was a 3 Dog Night fan, I guess
Thank you
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Lol
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December is nine months away I will forget what I have written by May
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Lol.
Comment from Amelie Johns
This is a fun short story that turned out to be not too scary. I like the unexpected ending with Bigfoot sitting cross-legged eating acorns. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest next December - I'm too new here to know why it is so far out but I have noticed that with a few lately.
Best wishes,
Amelie
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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This is a fun short story that turned out to be not too scary. I like the unexpected ending with Bigfoot sitting cross-legged eating acorns. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest next December - I'm too new here to know why it is so far out but I have noticed that with a few lately.
Best wishes,
Amelie
Comment Written 05-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2025
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No, the cowboy sat cross-legged. The yeti went about doing what it came to do. Thanks fir the read and sorry for the confusion.
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Yes, that makes more sense! And I see you wrote 'I sat cross-legged' so it is clearly the cowboy and not the Bigfoot. Thanks for clarifying.
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Yes, but I only edited it after your review to clarify so others would not be confused who was sitting yoga style
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
The site contests are recurring, and whenever one closes, its replacement opens automatically the next day even if it's a year away. This keeps the contest schedule on the site full and makes it look like there are tons of contests. But the site contests are somewhat predictable, since they repeat. Hence, you and I have been hosting a lot of additional contests to keep things spicy.
Your picture of a child's eyes peering out of the darkness are somehow scarier than any Sasquatch I ever imagined.
I have three small suggestions:
1) Pick a pronoun and stick with it. => When
Same thing for your horse (Flicker). Usually horses are gendered, but you referred to Flicker as "it":
That meant
2) Break up this sentence, for clarity: => I saw, blended into the surroundings, a subject nearly eight feet tall, and immediately struggled to maintain control of what I et earlier that evening <= it's a little confusing at first whether the italicized part refers to YOU or to the Sasquatch. You might instead put a period after "tall", followed by "I immediately" etc.
3) Pacing/suspense: put a paragraph break after "something was moving in the dark". Put additional paragraph breaks as useful to increase the terror. You really can't have too many of them for this style of writing.
Hope this is helpful! Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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The site contests are recurring, and whenever one closes, its replacement opens automatically the next day even if it's a year away. This keeps the contest schedule on the site full and makes it look like there are tons of contests. But the site contests are somewhat predictable, since they repeat. Hence, you and I have been hosting a lot of additional contests to keep things spicy.
Your picture of a child's eyes peering out of the darkness are somehow scarier than any Sasquatch I ever imagined.
I have three small suggestions:
1) Pick a pronoun and stick with it. => When
it
finished, he
turned <= is it "it", or "he"? Is changing the pronoun deliberate? If so, perhaps make it explicit that you noticed the Sasquatch had a conspicuous phallus, and thereafter refer to it/they as Caitlin, Bruce, or whatever.
Same thing for your horse (Flicker). Usually horses are gendered, but you referred to Flicker as "it":
That meant
it
was disturbed as well. Was it from the earlier sound or me waking it
after midnight?
2) Break up this sentence, for clarity: => I saw, blended into the surroundings, a subject nearly eight feet tall, and immediately struggled to maintain control of what I et earlier that evening <= it's a little confusing at first whether the italicized part refers to YOU or to the Sasquatch. You might instead put a period after "tall", followed by "I immediately" etc.
3) Pacing/suspense: put a paragraph break after "something was moving in the dark". Put additional paragraph breaks as useful to increase the terror. You really can't have too many of them for this style of writing.
Hope this is helpful! Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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I appreciate the grammar lesson. I either forgot the rules taught in the fifties or never learned them. I did fight the urge while writing which to call he, she, or it, so I let the cards fall, so to speak, where they did. Funny, Grammarly, that I pay a fee never suggested a thing. Thank you.
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Grammarly is only as meticulous as the humans who designed it : ) Glad to be of help! 🦍
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I did re-edit it to be neutral gender throughout, and Flicker was genderless as well, and I was asking myself which noise caused the horse to be disturbed. Breaking up the sentence would add an additional I which i felt was duplicitous.
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You could always refer to the horse as "they/them", just to make sure its pronouns are covered in a future reality where horses rule the world.
Comment from royowen
I don't think I've seen an actual abominable snowman, but I have seen apparitions, without being able to identify them, perhaps we have a constant flow of out of town visitors but can never identify them, beautifully written Tom, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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I don't think I've seen an actual abominable snowman, but I have seen apparitions, without being able to identify them, perhaps we have a constant flow of out of town visitors but can never identify them, beautifully written Tom, blessings Roy
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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I had fun with the challenge. Wasn't sure where it would go, but I found a rhythm. Thanks for the compliment.
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Well it was great Tom
Comment from jim vecchio
I'm still awaiting the long-lost final episode of "Finding Bigfoot" when they actually find the creature. I've always wanted to visit Fouke, Arkansas and seek the creature that stalks the Sulfur River bottoms, but with my luck, I'd find it.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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I'm still awaiting the long-lost final episode of "Finding Bigfoot" when they actually find the creature. I've always wanted to visit Fouke, Arkansas and seek the creature that stalks the Sulfur River bottoms, but with my luck, I'd find it.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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Well, if it is related to mine, have no fear, Igor was there and though nothing of it. By the way, what ever happened to Igor. That'd be an interesting contest.
Comment from BethShelby
You turned out to be a pretty cool cowboy. You'd even had some book learning to know words like mesmerized and scotopic even though you almost lost what you et earlier. Just kidding. It is a neat story for the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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You turned out to be a pretty cool cowboy. You'd even had some book learning to know words like mesmerized and scotopic even though you almost lost what you et earlier. Just kidding. It is a neat story for the contest.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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I know eat would have been more proper, but it was a Western fare.
Comment from Teri7
You did a really good job with this contest entry. I have no idea why the end date is so far away. You used great descriptive words and very interesting imagery. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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You did a really good job with this contest entry. I have no idea why the end date is so far away. You used great descriptive words and very interesting imagery. Best wishes in the contest! Teri
Comment Written 04-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2025
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Bless you little sister
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May God bless you too sweet friend!
