Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 19 "Ethics!"Experiences of living
65 total reviews
Comment from Cornetist
Well, then...you CAN be coherent! Looks like you do better when you stay away from the restrictions of the acrostic poem. The grammar could be cleaned up some...but that can be attributed to the translation (in your mind) difficulties. I liked this effort so much better that the others of yours that I've read so far!
Cornetist
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Well, then...you CAN be coherent! Looks like you do better when you stay away from the restrictions of the acrostic poem. The grammar could be cleaned up some...but that can be attributed to the translation (in your mind) difficulties. I liked this effort so much better that the others of yours that I've read so far!
Cornetist
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice professional review
Comment from Robin Gilmor
This was very interesting and full of messages that induce thought. It was quite long and could be cut into more than one chapter of your book.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Robin :)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This was very interesting and full of messages that induce thought. It was quite long and could be cut into more than one chapter of your book.
Thank you for sharing with us.
Robin :)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from c_lucas
Man's wisdom is foolishness in the sight of God. God created man in his own image, making him a creature of love and not of hate.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Man's wisdom is foolishness in the sight of God. God created man in his own image, making him a creature of love and not of hate.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for the feedback
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You're welcome.
Comment from muezza56
yet another interesting read as one reads the interaction between father and son as they both weigh up the pros and cons of human existence, another interesting, in depth message
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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yet another interesting read as one reads the interaction between father and son as they both weigh up the pros and cons of human existence, another interesting, in depth message
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Alcreator,
This write is way to long for me but I gave it my attention to the end. You have some good lines and the alliteration is good, as well. I find all the questions are a little much and I noticed that in the last poem of yours that I reviewed. You have an unique style but you need to tighten the lines to make this a smoother read....chey
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Hi Alcreator,
This write is way to long for me but I gave it my attention to the end. You have some good lines and the alliteration is good, as well. I find all the questions are a little much and I noticed that in the last poem of yours that I reviewed. You have an unique style but you need to tighten the lines to make this a smoother read....chey
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Jerry Rauhuff
I've seen a few of your poems today. This one is not in the same pattern as the others I've read but still sends a message 'Serve mankind'--nice message linking to you other poems, I like that. "A horse is not a pig, so."--but sometimes pigs believe themselves dogs. I say well done with this one as well.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I've seen a few of your poems today. This one is not in the same pattern as the others I've read but still sends a message 'Serve mankind'--nice message linking to you other poems, I like that. "A horse is not a pig, so."--but sometimes pigs believe themselves dogs. I say well done with this one as well.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice review
Comment from rama devi
I like so many of the ideas you explore, especially those relating to selflessness and service. Love the opening with the good wisdom to not pick flowers - to appreciate their fragrance without having to kill them.
The main problems I feel need work on with this post are:
* abundant spag
* it's way too long
* no transitions or links between some thoughts and sections
* choppiness
* lack of clarity in phrasing style (in some spots) and too much rambling. Needs tightening, clarity, polishing. Especially applicable to the conversation with 'dad'. It is hard to follow clearly. Might be better to notate as dialog and use quotation marks and proper punctuation for ease of read.
The more I read of your work the more I come to the conclusion that English is not your native tongue and this is the reason for odd sentence structure, phrasing, punctuation and reverse syntax. Am I right? Reading some lines, it reminds of me "Indian English" - which I learned to speak in the process of studying Malayalam.
Love this:
Man lives only on God's Infinite Gifts.
And this part is clearly conveyed with conviction and intensity:
It's nothing but choice, choice, choice.
All do not like to be good people.
This has lots of potential but also needs lots of revision.
Best wishes,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I like so many of the ideas you explore, especially those relating to selflessness and service. Love the opening with the good wisdom to not pick flowers - to appreciate their fragrance without having to kill them.
The main problems I feel need work on with this post are:
* abundant spag
* it's way too long
* no transitions or links between some thoughts and sections
* choppiness
* lack of clarity in phrasing style (in some spots) and too much rambling. Needs tightening, clarity, polishing. Especially applicable to the conversation with 'dad'. It is hard to follow clearly. Might be better to notate as dialog and use quotation marks and proper punctuation for ease of read.
The more I read of your work the more I come to the conclusion that English is not your native tongue and this is the reason for odd sentence structure, phrasing, punctuation and reverse syntax. Am I right? Reading some lines, it reminds of me "Indian English" - which I learned to speak in the process of studying Malayalam.
Love this:
Man lives only on God's Infinite Gifts.
And this part is clearly conveyed with conviction and intensity:
It's nothing but choice, choice, choice.
All do not like to be good people.
This has lots of potential but also needs lots of revision.
Best wishes,
rd
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Perp Ihebom
Wow, this poem is really long. Well, i guess it's your choice but i think you can make it easier to read by posting them in shorter bits. The morality content is high, so is the wisdom component. well done
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Wow, this poem is really long. Well, i guess it's your choice but i think you can make it easier to read by posting them in shorter bits. The morality content is high, so is the wisdom component. well done
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
I think this is the longest poem I have ever read, at least on this site. It definitely covers a wide range of topics for sure. You did a fine job. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I think this is the longest poem I have ever read, at least on this site. It definitely covers a wide range of topics for sure. You did a fine job. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for good review
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This poem is an extremely long conversation between a father and his son. Fathers often give sons wisdom and that is a good thing.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This poem is an extremely long conversation between a father and his son. Fathers often give sons wisdom and that is a good thing.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for the review
