Alex S Diary
Homelandless5 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I tell you that there's a scripture that confirms there are forces at work in the heavenlies that say that we fight not against flesh and blood, but wickedness in high places, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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I tell you that there's a scripture that confirms there are forces at work in the heavenlies that say that we fight not against flesh and blood, but wickedness in high places, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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thank You Roy God bless You and Your family 🩷❤️
Comment from Tim Margetts
This concept brims with potential-Alex is an intriguing protagonist, and the idea of her being both intelligent and beautiful yet stripped of agency by overwhelming forces feels ripe for deeper development.
The phrase "hunted war trophy" is especially striking, conjuring a mix of exploitation, objectification, and commodification. The scope is wide, touching on organised crime, propaganda, demonic influence, and tyranny, suggesting a dark, possibly supernatural thriller.
However, the piece feels slightly overloaded for a 100-word format. There's a great deal of context packed in-mafias, governments, demons, exile, trafficking-and not quite enough space for any single image or moment to take root. The emotional core-Alex's fear, grief, or resilience-is left mostly abstract.
Consider focusing on a singular beat or snapshot from her story: one breathless escape, one haunting memory, one moment of despair or defiance.
That would ground the narrative emotionally and give the reader something concrete to cling to.
Still, a compelling setup. There's a lot to work with here, and with some sharpening, this could become a powerful flashfiction or seed for a longer piece.
Tim
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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This concept brims with potential-Alex is an intriguing protagonist, and the idea of her being both intelligent and beautiful yet stripped of agency by overwhelming forces feels ripe for deeper development.
The phrase "hunted war trophy" is especially striking, conjuring a mix of exploitation, objectification, and commodification. The scope is wide, touching on organised crime, propaganda, demonic influence, and tyranny, suggesting a dark, possibly supernatural thriller.
However, the piece feels slightly overloaded for a 100-word format. There's a great deal of context packed in-mafias, governments, demons, exile, trafficking-and not quite enough space for any single image or moment to take root. The emotional core-Alex's fear, grief, or resilience-is left mostly abstract.
Consider focusing on a singular beat or snapshot from her story: one breathless escape, one haunting memory, one moment of despair or defiance.
That would ground the narrative emotionally and give the reader something concrete to cling to.
Still, a compelling setup. There's a lot to work with here, and with some sharpening, this could become a powerful flashfiction or seed for a longer piece.
Tim
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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thank You Tim, yes am working on the " homelandless princess " book to be released next year, that’s a lot of work, many thanks for your advices and suggestions. Sarah
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
Hi author,
First off, your entry is grammatically free of errors. Good job with that.
Two issues:
1) Your word count is at 98 words currently, and the contest calls for 100. This is not one of those 98-102 word contests; it has to be exactly 100 words. The extra space you added with the quote symbols does not make them count as words. Add two more words and message me back, and I will add a star to this review.
2) I feel your entry in this contest serves as an introduction or summary of sorts but doesn't really share a story. What happens is very generalized. You have four longish sentences and your verbs in each sentence are as follows:
is
is
are
has
In a story of this length, more action is needed. Think about some specific things Alex might do in your story. What happens? Thinking through this may take a fair bit more work.
Good luck and best regards,
🦍
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Hi author,
First off, your entry is grammatically free of errors. Good job with that.
Two issues:
1) Your word count is at 98 words currently, and the contest calls for 100. This is not one of those 98-102 word contests; it has to be exactly 100 words. The extra space you added with the quote symbols does not make them count as words. Add two more words and message me back, and I will add a star to this review.
2) I feel your entry in this contest serves as an introduction or summary of sorts but doesn't really share a story. What happens is very generalized. You have four longish sentences and your verbs in each sentence are as follows:
is
is
are
has
In a story of this length, more action is needed. Think about some specific things Alex might do in your story. What happens? Thinking through this may take a fair bit more work.
Good luck and best regards,
🦍
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed your story! The way you created Alex's character is so well done. The tension between government propaganda and the criminal forces makes the story exciting. I especially liked how Alex's journey for safety feels so personal - and also so intense! Great job with just 100 words!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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I really enjoyed your story! The way you created Alex's character is so well done. The tension between government propaganda and the criminal forces makes the story exciting. I especially liked how Alex's journey for safety feels so personal - and also so intense! Great job with just 100 words!
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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thanks a million for the interest in my stories Michael, i really appreciate your encouraging review, God bless ❤️
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, when the mafia are after you it seems there is no place to hide! I enjoyed this inventive and scary post and was shocked to hear this is a true story, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025
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Oh my goodness, when the mafia are after you it seems there is no place to hide! I enjoyed this inventive and scary post and was shocked to hear this is a true story, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 30-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 30-Mar-2025
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Thank You Dolly 🩵
