Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Strike!"Experiences of living
86 total reviews
Comment from allborn66
This is a very interesting poem. The form is unusual. The word choice is quite thought-provoking. The color scheme is bold.
Barbara
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This is a very interesting poem. The form is unusual. The word choice is quite thought-provoking. The color scheme is bold.
Barbara
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice review
Comment from Healthyheartpoet
This is kind of a rambling dis- connected type of poetry which is beyond my grasp. Although I can see it has depth of thought and a certain beauty to your expressions. You also raise a lot of questions which demand answers.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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This is kind of a rambling dis- connected type of poetry which is beyond my grasp. Although I can see it has depth of thought and a certain beauty to your expressions. You also raise a lot of questions which demand answers.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks
Comment from Caressa_08
A message that I discover in this poem is time is now to experience what is out there, don't let it pass you by, the beauty of nature & all of its grandeur, without thinking otherwise, as time passes so quickly, available it is, there for us to enjoy..All, in harmony..
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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A message that I discover in this poem is time is now to experience what is out there, don't let it pass you by, the beauty of nature & all of its grandeur, without thinking otherwise, as time passes so quickly, available it is, there for us to enjoy..All, in harmony..
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for poetic review
Comment from isurp
Your free verse poem brings to mind the saying urging us to "strike while the iron is hot." This is a very poignant reminder and I appreciate the 'why wait?" mentality that your creation conveys. -Steve
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Your free verse poem brings to mind the saying urging us to "strike while the iron is hot." This is a very poignant reminder and I appreciate the 'why wait?" mentality that your creation conveys. -Steve
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice review
Comment from mountainwriter49
Good Evening, Poet
This is an interesting poem, but one that leaves
me wondering what you're saying as it moved into
the second and succeeding stanzas.
I really liked the first stanza.
Strike! See 'tis hot, right for a kick now,
Clock reminds; break your dreams.
Wind oft plays truant, blows dark signals,
Clouds sail witness silent,
They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom.
I took away from this that timing is everything and/or we can enslave ourselves to the clock or live free.
I admire the beginning line of the second stanza. The unseen eye eyes: interesting word play with eye being noun and verb side-by-side.
But overall, I can't figure out where the poem landed. Perhaps you can help me here.
Ray
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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Good Evening, Poet
This is an interesting poem, but one that leaves
me wondering what you're saying as it moved into
the second and succeeding stanzas.
I really liked the first stanza.
Strike! See 'tis hot, right for a kick now,
Clock reminds; break your dreams.
Wind oft plays truant, blows dark signals,
Clouds sail witness silent,
They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom.
I took away from this that timing is everything and/or we can enslave ourselves to the clock or live free.
I admire the beginning line of the second stanza. The unseen eye eyes: interesting word play with eye being noun and verb side-by-side.
But overall, I can't figure out where the poem landed. Perhaps you can help me here.
Ray
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Strike! See 'tis hot, right for a kick now,
Clock reminds; break your dreams.
Wind oft plays truant, blows dark signals,
Clouds sail witness silent,
They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom.
(Here the poet is saying "Don't hesitate! Strike while the iron is hot. We aren't getting any younger, grabs your dreams while you're still young! You may not realize it, but you are being watched, by God above. You are judged differently on earth than you are in Heaven.)
The Unseen Eye eyes you.
Silver, whitish lining woo if failed.
Keep time, kick dark; bring light.
Air plays flute, helps finding your foes.
(God's eye is on you. If you fail, a coffin lined in white satin and silver awaits you. Watch the time, rid yourself of evil thoughts and bring goodness into your life. The music from Heaven and in your soul will guide you along)
Why wait? Sow, fruits may late.
What's yours' to lose? What you brought? Why off?
(Don't put off changing your life! Start sowing those seed of 'goodness' now. You may have lost a few, by waiting so long, but your fruits of your labors will be many to come.)
The sun enjoys right kiss.
Shaded moon peeps, pries your miss or kicks.
Birds, trees, hills, sky, good hearts pat you strike.
Let them sing, grab this time or drum fate.
(The sun will shine on you, as a kiss from Heaven. The moon will hide your mistakes. All of nature and those with good hearts, will pat you in pleasure and thanks. Enjoy the praise- it is your fate.)
Thanks again for sharing, Betty
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
|
Strike! See 'tis hot, right for a kick now,
Clock reminds; break your dreams.
Wind oft plays truant, blows dark signals,
Clouds sail witness silent,
They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom.
(Here the poet is saying "Don't hesitate! Strike while the iron is hot. We aren't getting any younger, grabs your dreams while you're still young! You may not realize it, but you are being watched, by God above. You are judged differently on earth than you are in Heaven.)
The Unseen Eye eyes you.
Silver, whitish lining woo if failed.
Keep time, kick dark; bring light.
Air plays flute, helps finding your foes.
(God's eye is on you. If you fail, a coffin lined in white satin and silver awaits you. Watch the time, rid yourself of evil thoughts and bring goodness into your life. The music from Heaven and in your soul will guide you along)
Why wait? Sow, fruits may late.
What's yours' to lose? What you brought? Why off?
(Don't put off changing your life! Start sowing those seed of 'goodness' now. You may have lost a few, by waiting so long, but your fruits of your labors will be many to come.)
The sun enjoys right kiss.
Shaded moon peeps, pries your miss or kicks.
Birds, trees, hills, sky, good hearts pat you strike.
Let them sing, grab this time or drum fate.
(The sun will shine on you, as a kiss from Heaven. The moon will hide your mistakes. All of nature and those with good hearts, will pat you in pleasure and thanks. Enjoy the praise- it is your fate.)
Thanks again for sharing, Betty
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks for meritorious professional review
appreciated much
Comment from closetpoetjester
No offence, but the poet needs to spend LESS money promoting and MORE time working on making his writing coherent and relevant in some way.
You may be better using some metaphors to convey what you mean because your words don't flow, they feel disjointed and nonsensical and to be honest like ramblings.
I see you've paid for the top four spots. It may be nice to sit pretty at the top but if you want to appeal you must be on the readers level to a degree. I get the feeling you think you maybe just a little above everyone else here.
Take a hint and good look at what you've written.
If you can clarify or explain it to me in a response, I'll take anything on board you want me to digest.
Balls in YOUR court pal.
Somehow, I'm NOT expecting clarification on this...
Surprise me...go on.
BTW thanks for the buck forty three...it seems theres a real easy way to make a dollar on this site at the moment.
Many will take advantage of this. Obviously you have deep pockets so hey, spread the wealth. There are plenty who will take your money slap a fiver on you and move on.
Sorry but I can't do that with any conscience.
This writing site is for talent as well as money.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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No offence, but the poet needs to spend LESS money promoting and MORE time working on making his writing coherent and relevant in some way.
You may be better using some metaphors to convey what you mean because your words don't flow, they feel disjointed and nonsensical and to be honest like ramblings.
I see you've paid for the top four spots. It may be nice to sit pretty at the top but if you want to appeal you must be on the readers level to a degree. I get the feeling you think you maybe just a little above everyone else here.
Take a hint and good look at what you've written.
If you can clarify or explain it to me in a response, I'll take anything on board you want me to digest.
Balls in YOUR court pal.
Somehow, I'm NOT expecting clarification on this...
Surprise me...go on.
BTW thanks for the buck forty three...it seems theres a real easy way to make a dollar on this site at the moment.
Many will take advantage of this. Obviously you have deep pockets so hey, spread the wealth. There are plenty who will take your money slap a fiver on you and move on.
Sorry but I can't do that with any conscience.
This writing site is for talent as well as money.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I don't know if you are a genius or if your message is lost in translation from another language but your thoughts are jumbled ramblings to me. I would like to understand but I don't. I'm sorry, to me it is a rambling of different words and random thoughts. Nancy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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I don't know if you are a genius or if your message is lost in translation from another language but your thoughts are jumbled ramblings to me. I would like to understand but I don't. I'm sorry, to me it is a rambling of different words and random thoughts. Nancy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks
Comment from muezza56
an interesting and original style of writing, although it does seem unfair that this writer is paying his way to the top of the listings, the irony of which is his examination of human nature and it's various faults
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
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an interesting and original style of writing, although it does seem unfair that this writer is paying his way to the top of the listings, the irony of which is his examination of human nature and it's various faults
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks for nice review
Comment from Robin Gilmor
OK this one lost me completely. Glad it's not as long as
one that I reviewed; however, I feel that this one is inconsistent. I get the connection of observation and feeling of life but feel there is no conclusion.
I'm waiting for some closure of meaning and I can't find it. You like white and purity of nature. Interesting for sure. Smiles. Robin :)
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
|
OK this one lost me completely. Glad it's not as long as
one that I reviewed; however, I feel that this one is inconsistent. I get the connection of observation and feeling of life but feel there is no conclusion.
I'm waiting for some closure of meaning and I can't find it. You like white and purity of nature. Interesting for sure. Smiles. Robin :)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013
-
thanks for nice professional review
