Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Strike!"Experiences of living
86 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Nice use of strong verbs bring this write to life. It is fine to write in your own style--wouldn't it be boring if we all wrote the same way? ~Debbie
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Nice use of strong verbs bring this write to life. It is fine to write in your own style--wouldn't it be boring if we all wrote the same way? ~Debbie
Comment Written 21-Mar-2013
Comment from TonyD
I am afraid this one has gone completely over my head. Tried to get your thoughts as expressed in "The Unseen Eye eyes you.
Silver, whitish lining woo if failed", but I failed.
Tony
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I am afraid this one has gone completely over my head. Tried to get your thoughts as expressed in "The Unseen Eye eyes you.
Silver, whitish lining woo if failed", but I failed.
Tony
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from amada
This is another heart catching poem. I stopped at this phrase, "Clock reminds; break your dreams. " For sure, this is unforgivably true.
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This is another heart catching poem. I stopped at this phrase, "Clock reminds; break your dreams. " For sure, this is unforgivably true.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from TKField
Yes, I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas. As the eminent psychiatrist said to the man who entered his office wearing nothing but a cellophane jockstrap; "I can clearly see your nuts!"
These trains of thought are heading straight for surreal junction or perhaps the bulging metrop of What the F*ckville. Speaking of the sun. That dude owes me twenty five big Georges. Philly, 1974, long story. Suffice to say, never go cow-tipping with a large nuclear furnace. knowwhatimsayin? If I ever see that gasbag again, I'll settle his drum fate good and proper.
You should edit this down to the first section, which, even though it makes no sense, has some fairly nice turns of phrase ("Clouds sail witness silent, They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom"). The rest is poorly worded gibberish.
Keep the crazy coming, I think I'm starting to understand it, and that's a bit unsettling. This stuff reads like Finnegan's Wake backwards. The first time I read that magnum opus I took my pants off over my head! Then I lost my Naked Lunch. Maestro, you're an old fool from the old school eating pasta fazool, and ya cain't beat that with a rented mule.
This isn't Po-Mo, it's Po Po Po Mo. Like when I got my hands on some Extra-extra virgin olive oil. It was a slippery situation. Badump! Reminds me of the time I went on a voyage of self-discovery. I crawled up my own kazoo so far I needed the "Jaws of Life" to extricate me.
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Yes, I should have been a pair of ragged claws scuttling across floors of silent seas. As the eminent psychiatrist said to the man who entered his office wearing nothing but a cellophane jockstrap; "I can clearly see your nuts!"
These trains of thought are heading straight for surreal junction or perhaps the bulging metrop of What the F*ckville. Speaking of the sun. That dude owes me twenty five big Georges. Philly, 1974, long story. Suffice to say, never go cow-tipping with a large nuclear furnace. knowwhatimsayin? If I ever see that gasbag again, I'll settle his drum fate good and proper.
You should edit this down to the first section, which, even though it makes no sense, has some fairly nice turns of phrase ("Clouds sail witness silent, They change colors in huge Blue Kingdom"). The rest is poorly worded gibberish.
Keep the crazy coming, I think I'm starting to understand it, and that's a bit unsettling. This stuff reads like Finnegan's Wake backwards. The first time I read that magnum opus I took my pants off over my head! Then I lost my Naked Lunch. Maestro, you're an old fool from the old school eating pasta fazool, and ya cain't beat that with a rented mule.
This isn't Po-Mo, it's Po Po Po Mo. Like when I got my hands on some Extra-extra virgin olive oil. It was a slippery situation. Badump! Reminds me of the time I went on a voyage of self-discovery. I crawled up my own kazoo so far I needed the "Jaws of Life" to extricate me.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Your poetry definitely takes a different avenue of revealing the message. I so appreciated the manner in which you let the reader know, whatever you plan to do in life: Do it now! Great write, Carolyn
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Your poetry definitely takes a different avenue of revealing the message. I so appreciated the manner in which you let the reader know, whatever you plan to do in life: Do it now! Great write, Carolyn
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from ephraim crud, COS.
well, ALD, if this is what god inspires you
to write, i'm much pleased i'm an atheist.
you need to find some structure, some point
else they are just a stream of words, which
they are, methinks.
regards, eph.
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well, ALD, if this is what god inspires you
to write, i'm much pleased i'm an atheist.
you need to find some structure, some point
else they are just a stream of words, which
they are, methinks.
regards, eph.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from Bobbi22
Interesting poem structure with exact syllable counts and no rhyme. This seems to be about how precious time is and that we should not waste any - our days will end much too soon. Good use of metaphors.
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Interesting poem structure with exact syllable counts and no rhyme. This seems to be about how precious time is and that we should not waste any - our days will end much too soon. Good use of metaphors.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2013
Comment from steevie
This sounds of doom and gloom for us all. How can we compete when we have not seen our challenge set down before us, oh king?
steve
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This sounds of doom and gloom for us all. How can we compete when we have not seen our challenge set down before us, oh king?
steve
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
Comment from Dawn Munro
Once again, this poem is exquisite in it's word choices - they are very beautiful and poetic, and this time, I can see meaning, although there are still several phrases that seem to be missing a word or two, or punctuation - for example: "...Clouds sail witness(;) silent..." and "...What (have) you brought?"
I did enjoy it very much, however. An excellent poem that only needs a bit of tweaking to perfect it.
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Once again, this poem is exquisite in it's word choices - they are very beautiful and poetic, and this time, I can see meaning, although there are still several phrases that seem to be missing a word or two, or punctuation - for example: "...Clouds sail witness(;) silent..." and "...What (have) you brought?"
I did enjoy it very much, however. An excellent poem that only needs a bit of tweaking to perfect it.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
Comment from rjuselius
this is an interesting poem with an interesting structure! 'im not saying i understand the whole piece but i did enjoy it.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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this is an interesting poem with an interesting structure! 'im not saying i understand the whole piece but i did enjoy it.
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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thanks for nice review
