Dragon Fire
big fan of Tolkien5 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a well-shaped Joseph's Star which is filled with evocative imagery, painting a story fitting for the visual. A delight to read and imagine. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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This is a well-shaped Joseph's Star which is filled with evocative imagery, painting a story fitting for the visual. A delight to read and imagine. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 18-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2025
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I’m glad you enjoyed this fiery poem.
Thank you for leaving a comment and your vote ( if you did)
It won the blue ribbon with Wils.
Yeah!
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It was the best, Franca! Well done:)
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Thanks Debbie for the words of encouragement !🥹
Keep safe !🍀
Comment from rhonnie69
"WOW! I'll heed your fire alarm...Thank You...free from fear. I'll use the fire escape.
If I really want to be...I could be a dragon slayer. But I do believe that...Peace Beats The Beast. So..."
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"WOW! I'll heed your fire alarm...Thank You...free from fear. I'll use the fire escape.
If I really want to be...I could be a dragon slayer. But I do believe that...Peace Beats The Beast. So..."
Comment Written 16-Mar-2025
Comment from Harambe iz ur Daddy
Tempeste, this is great. Lots of strong, visceral energy. This is quite tricky to improve on. Here are some tips to hopefully both smooth it out so it pops more noticeably where I think you want it to.
spit - firing <= spit-firing (compound hyphenated verbs like this with a dash should have no spaces between the dash, lest it be confused with the em-dash, which has a very different usage)
ignited all in its path <= I think ignite or igniting would work better than past tense (ignited). Keep uniform spacing between words. If you are trying to make the words space to get a perfectly shaped star, I can help you with subtle CSS tweaks, or just use longer words to make the line naturally longer (eg. igniting all in its path, or "armies ignite in its path" which has a nicer flow)
elves,dwarves and men fell <= to keep with my suggestion of keeping it present tense, and "fell" won't rhyme anymore if we change the tense, how about a different verb here that goes perfectly with fire: QUELL. Eg "elves and dwarves all fail to quell" (which uses a binary meter), or maybe ..."attempt to quell",
since you have "yells", I think your rhyming would pair better if you had "smells". It might be a little less logical, but the perfect rhyming on the two penultimate stanzas gives you more bang for your buck. *Alternately*, if you want to keep them all the same, you might try something like:
... putrid smell
torched men yell
hell
(this way you get to include men where we omitted them in line 5 to save on syllables)
Hope this is helpful!
Thanks for sharing this cool piece and good luck!
🦍
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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Tempeste, this is great. Lots of strong, visceral energy. This is quite tricky to improve on. Here are some tips to hopefully both smooth it out so it pops more noticeably where I think you want it to.
spit - firing <= spit-firing (compound hyphenated verbs like this with a dash should have no spaces between the dash, lest it be confused with the em-dash, which has a very different usage)
ignited all in its path <= I think ignite or igniting would work better than past tense (ignited). Keep uniform spacing between words. If you are trying to make the words space to get a perfectly shaped star, I can help you with subtle CSS tweaks, or just use longer words to make the line naturally longer (eg. igniting all in its path, or "armies ignite in its path" which has a nicer flow)
elves,dwarves and men fell <= to keep with my suggestion of keeping it present tense, and "fell" won't rhyme anymore if we change the tense, how about a different verb here that goes perfectly with fire: QUELL. Eg "elves and dwarves all fail to quell" (which uses a binary meter), or maybe ..."attempt to quell",
since you have "yells", I think your rhyming would pair better if you had "smells". It might be a little less logical, but the perfect rhyming on the two penultimate stanzas gives you more bang for your buck. *Alternately*, if you want to keep them all the same, you might try something like:
... putrid smell
torched men yell
hell
(this way you get to include men where we omitted them in line 5 to save on syllables)
Hope this is helpful!
Thanks for sharing this cool piece and good luck!
🦍
Comment Written 16-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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I put the verb in the past ignited on purpose because I wanted to use fell, smell, yell and hell ..
I still appreciate your suggests.. I will ad quell to my new vocabulary list
Comment from ANINDITA BISWAS
The uneven syllable count seemed difficult but you have perfectly adhered to it. The wrath and fiery of the dragon has been well brought out. Well deserved!
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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The uneven syllable count seemed difficult but you have perfectly adhered to it. The wrath and fiery of the dragon has been well brought out. Well deserved!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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I m a big fan of Tolkien .. I hesitated because the contest was called : Joseph’s Star .. my topic seemed somewhat disrespectful ..
I’m glad I put my reserves aside and posted it.
Thank you for the extra star!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Well, you nailed the syllable count for this one. It's a cohesive piece as well and doesn't feel wrangled into submission! lol
best of luck to you,.
GMG
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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Hi there,
Well, you nailed the syllable count for this one. It's a cohesive piece as well and doesn't feel wrangled into submission! lol
best of luck to you,.
GMG
Comment Written 16-Mar-2025
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2025
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Thank you for the kind words glad you enjoyed the read.
