Comment from Sanku

Excellent

A good 5-7-5 form.your black and white metaphors appear here also tho' here it is only black.good alliteration of 'b' and 'l'yes glad that dark reigns few hours.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2013

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

I like that you are trying to break the rules. particularly like the second stanza. for the most part I follow you. you just have to be more aware of the stylistic tightrope you are walking - too much "ba da bing ba da boom" and cohesion falls to the wayside.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice review

Comment from visionary1234

Good

I'm enjoying it that you're playing with the sounds of language - you're obviously having fun with alliteration here - but I emerge from each one scratching my head? PLEASE, poet, explain a little! :)Sharyn

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a very interesting poem. The word choice is quite unique. I like the alliteration in the second line. It has a nice rhythm.
Barbara

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice review

Comment from GratefullyRecovering

Excellent

No more six stars :(
Awesome poem though! Your description is beautiful and well done, well put together and lovely. I love the picture with it, it really adds to it!

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for wonderful review

Comment from write hand blue

Good

It's rare that I give a four but I just feel compelled to write about this poem.

Again I seems to me to be just a random string of words. Brings to mind the way David Bowie writes (or wrote). Pieces of paper with words on in a hat and picked out with eyes closed...

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks

Comment from Robin Gilmor

Exceptional

Another structure for your book and you have flipped the coin from white to black. The contrast is effective. Perfect easy count 5-7-5 and the rule defined
in the first line. Sometimes a few hours of dark make us appreciate the
light. An enjoyable read, well penned. Smiles. Robin :)

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for wonderful review with highest rating

Comment from JM daSilva

Excellent

Yeah. Darkness reigns, but not all the time. The poem emphasizes that no matter how dark, we can take consolation in the thought that nothing lasts forever.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice review

reply by JM daSilva on 18-Apr-2013

Welcome.

Comment from mountainwriter49

Good

Good Evening, Poet

I did understand this one. Cursing the darkness
and glad it last only a few hours. I think with a little
tweaking, this poem could be exceptional. A couple
of thoughts for you to consider.

The punctuation seems off to me. It seems that periods at the end of lines 1 and 2 would be more appropriate than commas. Your alliterative use of "b" words is effective alliteration, but does it add poetic value? I think not as it appears to be too much of a good thing. I'm reminded of a cook who thought if 2 eggs can make a homemade cake great, then surely a half-dozen would make the cake superb. Obviously the cake failed. I love the value effective literation can add value to a poem. The question is, is two eggs perfect or is six?

An enjoyable read.

Ray

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks

Comment from isurp

Excellent

This is a powerful 5-7-5 Blackness isn't something you see celebrated very often. The alliterative nature is appealing on its own. Write on! - Steve

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice review