Comment from cheyennewy

Excellent

Hi Ray,

I am going to use another name for you as it doesn't take so long to type! How true it is that if we want to survive we must work and buy the things we need for survival. Sadly some of our fellow humans would rather live off others instead of working. Well done, chey

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice professional review

Comment from TonyD

Excellent

Yes, we must all toil if we are to eat, to live. In those three short lines you demonstrated the poet's skill to get an idea across simply but effectively.
Tony

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review

Comment from rama devi

Good

Good to see you writing short forms too. This is a good 5-7-5 but very very choppy and the punctuation choices do not seem apt (or grammatically correct - though that is subjective for a poem, of course). Breaking grammatical rules is a good thing to do when it serves the poem or adds artistic impact. However, here, it just seems distracting (IMHO).

May I suggest an alternative?


Hungry? Natural--
For survival, you must toil.
Work: birds, ants and all.

The above edit has clarity. The original post is confusing because it links distinct sentences awkwardly.

A good message, clearly conveyed, in spite of nits noted above.

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks

Comment from Ira White

Excellent

Oh so true! And so succinctly said. It brings to mind the story my father used to tell me of the ant and the grasshopper. We know the end of this oft told tale: the ant's work helps it survive the winter while the grasshopper's sloth did not.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

This one has a good message, and like all creatures we have to work for our food and drink, ants being the hardest workers of all of Gods creatures. Sandra

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review

Comment from RJFunston

Excellent

Wow, you do have a lot of post here. This one like the others is great. In so few words, you summed up a meaning anyone could understand. Nicely done again, I'm looking forward to reading more.
Have a good day,
Robert

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for nice review

Comment from Dave Russell

Good

You stay with the 5-7-5 format...good. In this piece at least the meaning is clear, however there is nothing profound with this, nothing thought provoking necessarily...hence the four stars.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks

Comment from Treischel

Excellent

A short and sweet object lesson for all living things within this little 12 word, 4-7-5 poem that sums it up simply. All creatures must all toil for their food.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review

Comment from MizKat

Excellent

ALCREATOR LITT RAY D - This is another great poem. I love reading the short, sweet, and to the point poems. You're sure getting a lot of your work on the front page. Good!! Kat

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review

Comment from mizzkris20

Excellent

Hello there,

I agree with your poem. We have to work to be able to eat in this world. If a man don't work, he don't eat. By the way, your photo just made me crave a salad. Thanks for sharing

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2013

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for good review