Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Losing!"Experiences of living
79 total reviews
Comment from Levi R Olsen
Hi,
First off I want to say that I like your poem. It is a hard read (the fact that you had to include notes explaining what you meant is a testament to that) that took me a couple of times to read it before I caught the message. Which I believe is that we are only here for a short time to prove that we are worthy to go to the next level of being. Again I liked it.
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Hi,
First off I want to say that I like your poem. It is a hard read (the fact that you had to include notes explaining what you meant is a testament to that) that took me a couple of times to read it before I caught the message. Which I believe is that we are only here for a short time to prove that we are worthy to go to the next level of being. Again I liked it.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2021
Comment from Senyai
Hi Alcreator,
I think this is a fine tribute to the Creator of all Creation and we should all celebrate in this fact. A beautiful poem much like a praising of God and for mankind to always be humble in his relationship with God. Most all things of this earth will pass away and are temporary, but God remains and we in him also.
Thanks for sharing!
Always,
Senyai
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Hi Alcreator,
I think this is a fine tribute to the Creator of all Creation and we should all celebrate in this fact. A beautiful poem much like a praising of God and for mankind to always be humble in his relationship with God. Most all things of this earth will pass away and are temporary, but God remains and we in him also.
Thanks for sharing!
Always,
Senyai
Comment Written 12-Jun-2021
Comment from TKField
Written by Yoda, this poem seems to be!
Well, I've got a Masters in debating from Salisbury State, but even I can't make heads or tails out of this sophisticated gibberish. Hear that sound? It's the English language being keel-hauled. Trying to decipher Linear-B is a stroll in the park compared to this. Lines like...
"Living here's a chance you got with set purpose,
Make, upkeep a relation here with Him,
Doing His given job, report back to your real abode."
...give me a headache. I find very few poems physically painful to read, but this one has managed to achieve that dubious distinction. Your style is firmly outside the accepted norms of the language, and while I'm usually willing to indulge a certain amount of latitude in this area (poetry being what it is), this goes way beyond the pale.
The subjects and predicates don't agree. Articles and punctuation are an afterthought or left out entirely. Past tense and present tense collide throughout (sometimes in the same sentence; "Brought with you, what? You got, earn, achieve or produce all here, And used of His all Gifts Infinite"), and the syntax from top to bottom is more stilted than Stilton cheese and produces an even more pronounced aroma. Whatever there is that's semi-coherent is poorly articulated and unnecessarily confusing.
This reads as if it were written by someone who's in the process of learning English for the first time and hasn't really figured out proper sentence structure or the basic rules of grammar yet, ("Giving and serving mankind, no losing it is!").
As a result, most of it makes little to no sense. For example, what exactly does "Brought with you, what? You got, earn, achieve or produce all here, And used of His all Gifts Infinite", actually mean? Anybody's guess.
I realize there's a poem concerning what a swell guy God is and how you think we should, like, you know, do what He wants and all, buried somewhere beneath this mangled free verse, but who's got the time or inclination to pry meaning from such literary gems as, "True Incessant His Movement of Creation is!" and, "Clear His Creation Causal as is!"? Not me.
This isn't a case of style over substance. It's a case of style kicking substance down a flight of stairs then running over it with truck before feeding it into a wood-chipper.
Or maybe the whole three ring circus is just beyond the limited comprehension of this mere mortal. I guess I'll have to wait for the Cliff-Notes. On second thought, I have sock drawers to arrange.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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Written by Yoda, this poem seems to be!
Well, I've got a Masters in debating from Salisbury State, but even I can't make heads or tails out of this sophisticated gibberish. Hear that sound? It's the English language being keel-hauled. Trying to decipher Linear-B is a stroll in the park compared to this. Lines like...
"Living here's a chance you got with set purpose,
Make, upkeep a relation here with Him,
Doing His given job, report back to your real abode."
...give me a headache. I find very few poems physically painful to read, but this one has managed to achieve that dubious distinction. Your style is firmly outside the accepted norms of the language, and while I'm usually willing to indulge a certain amount of latitude in this area (poetry being what it is), this goes way beyond the pale.
The subjects and predicates don't agree. Articles and punctuation are an afterthought or left out entirely. Past tense and present tense collide throughout (sometimes in the same sentence; "Brought with you, what? You got, earn, achieve or produce all here, And used of His all Gifts Infinite"), and the syntax from top to bottom is more stilted than Stilton cheese and produces an even more pronounced aroma. Whatever there is that's semi-coherent is poorly articulated and unnecessarily confusing.
This reads as if it were written by someone who's in the process of learning English for the first time and hasn't really figured out proper sentence structure or the basic rules of grammar yet, ("Giving and serving mankind, no losing it is!").
As a result, most of it makes little to no sense. For example, what exactly does "Brought with you, what? You got, earn, achieve or produce all here, And used of His all Gifts Infinite", actually mean? Anybody's guess.
I realize there's a poem concerning what a swell guy God is and how you think we should, like, you know, do what He wants and all, buried somewhere beneath this mangled free verse, but who's got the time or inclination to pry meaning from such literary gems as, "True Incessant His Movement of Creation is!" and, "Clear His Creation Causal as is!"? Not me.
This isn't a case of style over substance. It's a case of style kicking substance down a flight of stairs then running over it with truck before feeding it into a wood-chipper.
Or maybe the whole three ring circus is just beyond the limited comprehension of this mere mortal. I guess I'll have to wait for the Cliff-Notes. On second thought, I have sock drawers to arrange.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2013
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thanks for review... sorry you never get anything reading my works... all your reviews made me sick... please stop reviewing my works... know you are great and i salute your wisdom... please stop reviewing my works henceforth... please escape my works and save me... hope you will never review my works in future...
Comment from Mai Mai
This is an interesting piece. Again, I don't get it. While I normally say the flaw is mine, now I have to wonder. Good luck.
Mai Mai
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This is an interesting piece. Again, I don't get it. While I normally say the flaw is mine, now I have to wonder. Good luck.
Mai Mai
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from Curtis Hatch
Alcreator,
This is a dramatic work as The Creator created man for His purpose. Man is intended to be kind to man and do what he can to serve others. God's creation is magnificent and encompasses the whole of the universe. The piece explores the circle of life.
It is an excellent thought-provoking poem.
Curtis
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Alcreator,
This is a dramatic work as The Creator created man for His purpose. Man is intended to be kind to man and do what he can to serve others. God's creation is magnificent and encompasses the whole of the universe. The piece explores the circle of life.
It is an excellent thought-provoking poem.
Curtis
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from Indie Skreet
i don't get it and i am not going to insult your intelligence like the masses and pretend I do. what I will say is there is no flow and i found the repeated 'is' at the end of the sentences hard and unpoetic. this piece needs some serious pruning as is far too long, sorry but i hope this will help, best wishes, indie
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i don't get it and i am not going to insult your intelligence like the masses and pretend I do. what I will say is there is no flow and i found the repeated 'is' at the end of the sentences hard and unpoetic. this piece needs some serious pruning as is far too long, sorry but i hope this will help, best wishes, indie
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from ravenblack
again, you really put it all out there - just have to reign it in a bit, exert more control over how to say what you want to express. your style is to choppy in parts, flows in others, and, though not a stickler - far too many spags to present as a finished piece.
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again, you really put it all out there - just have to reign it in a bit, exert more control over how to say what you want to express. your style is to choppy in parts, flows in others, and, though not a stickler - far too many spags to present as a finished piece.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from Jerry Rauhuff
Like time, all pass; change is permanent.--like this line. I don't quite agree with, "change is permanent" for religious reasons but I don't judge on beliefs. I say this is very well written. Very good.
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Like time, all pass; change is permanent.--like this line. I don't quite agree with, "change is permanent" for religious reasons but I don't judge on beliefs. I say this is very well written. Very good.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from OLA THOMAS
Good work on mankind, creation, death and the supremacy of the creator. Well articulated work and I really enjoyed your dance of alliterations in the work.
ola thomas
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Good work on mankind, creation, death and the supremacy of the creator. Well articulated work and I really enjoyed your dance of alliterations in the work.
ola thomas
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
Comment from c_lucas
As we begin another growing season we need to know God's plans for us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
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As we begin another growing season we need to know God's plans for us. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
