Veil of Secrets
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Veil of Secrets - Chap 3"Mystery/Crime and Ghosts
10 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Oh, brother...Like these characters didn't have enough to contend with rival "gangs" springing Doyle now we have the hint of some evil dark forces sneaking in to give this book an even sharper edge! I'll pull out my Rosary Beads and keep them nearby. Is there going to be an exorcism?
Just asking for a friend. (grin)
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Oh, brother...Like these characters didn't have enough to contend with rival "gangs" springing Doyle now we have the hint of some evil dark forces sneaking in to give this book an even sharper edge! I'll pull out my Rosary Beads and keep them nearby. Is there going to be an exorcism?
Just asking for a friend. (grin)
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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There is going to be some dark times and I'm not sure who will come on top of this one.... It's a Royal Rumble between the Ghosts, the mob, the Chinese, and our gang.... Eleanor better call in back-up.
Smiles, Carol
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Uh-oh. I slept with my light on for six months after I saw the Exorcist. Give me a warning if it is going to be THAT dark!
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I hope it isn't...because I'd have to light up my whole house if it was.... it's just not all happy times like I prefer to write.
Smiles, Carol
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Dark and shadowy is fine. Evil and Satanic will lose me!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I'm guessing that it's because I've followed these characters for so long is why they seem to me like personal friends. Like all of us, they have their good and not-so good points, which makes them normal. LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
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I'm guessing that it's because I've followed these characters for so long is why they seem to me like personal friends. Like all of us, they have their good and not-so good points, which makes them normal. LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Sorry Kiddo, no sixes left. This is a definite 6, though. What a heck of a start to the new story, we are only on chapter 3 and already knee-deep in mystery. We have good and evil ghosts, and I think it has to be the evil ghost Cornelius who holding Miriam. A live person couldn't do that. I think we are in for a really bumpy ride with this story, and I can't wait to get my teeth into it!! It's nice to see all the good guys working together. Well done my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Sorry Kiddo, no sixes left. This is a definite 6, though. What a heck of a start to the new story, we are only on chapter 3 and already knee-deep in mystery. We have good and evil ghosts, and I think it has to be the evil ghost Cornelius who holding Miriam. A live person couldn't do that. I think we are in for a really bumpy ride with this story, and I can't wait to get my teeth into it!! It's nice to see all the good guys working together. Well done my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Early bird gets the worm or so they say. I was just suffering some serious jet lag and Oh my poor house syndrome when I got home. And I just learned I might have to return in February... Carissa is being sent out of state for some mandatory meetings... So Nana and the three girls will be on board. I love the thought of being with them but I'm not sure I am made for jumping from house to house like a bullfrog. LOL
As for the story, this is going to be definitely a little darker than the other ones, but I didn't want it to be hum-drum either. So we will see how it goes. I had a dream that I wrote a story with Eleanor being transported by accident to a land of Knights, ogres, fairies...well, you get the gist. I can't imagine what her reaction would be to that!!! My mind must have been on overload.
Have a great day and take care. I'm off to have another cup of coffee and start scrubbing door frames and cabinets. Oh fun!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
From the very beginning, there is a lot going on, and all of the crime stoppers are already trying to solve the mysteries. I most enjoy the fact that there are several avenues to follow...find Miriam, rescue the boy, explore the tunnels, find Doyle and Rossi, protect Rebecca, and determine what mobs are involved and why. You have a big job ahead of you, and I can't waite to read it.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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From the very beginning, there is a lot going on, and all of the crime stoppers are already trying to solve the mysteries. I most enjoy the fact that there are several avenues to follow...find Miriam, rescue the boy, explore the tunnels, find Doyle and Rossi, protect Rebecca, and determine what mobs are involved and why. You have a big job ahead of you, and I can't waite to read it.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Thanks, Lorraine...I don't know how I get myself embroiled in such messes. LOL I start out with one plot and it snowballs into a mountain and I don't even know the way out...yet! I hope I can get this right.....
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a really convoluted plot. I don't think I understand all of it, but it is sure to make for an interesting story. Does the boy have a name and is he somehow part of someone in the story's family? I have a question not related to this. You always have such interesting titles. Is there a problem with the title of the book I have online now? Almost no one is reading it, although I am keeping it on the first page?
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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This is a really convoluted plot. I don't think I understand all of it, but it is sure to make for an interesting story. Does the boy have a name and is he somehow part of someone in the story's family? I have a question not related to this. You always have such interesting titles. Is there a problem with the title of the book I have online now? Almost no one is reading it, although I am keeping it on the first page?
Comment Written 07-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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I don't have that many followers and unfortunately for whatever reasons the ones I have are busy tending to their own lives and are not on FanStory. (Beth, Rhonda, Esther, Helen, and so many others). Maybe I should have waited to write the next Eleanor story. But it's started now.
.. Ao I'll write and hope that you and a few others will steer me in the right direction if I fall off the cliff.... Thank you for always being there. It means so much to me, especially now.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Wow, this is a complex plot, and it just got more involved. I'm glad you're keeping all the details and characters straight. I appreciate the list you include, which helps immensely when my brain gets tired. I do hope Eleanor finds Miriam soon. Hugs. Carol
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Wow, this is a complex plot, and it just got more involved. I'm glad you're keeping all the details and characters straight. I appreciate the list you include, which helps immensely when my brain gets tired. I do hope Eleanor finds Miriam soon. Hugs. Carol
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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Eleanor won't give up until she finds what's happened to Miriam, but the problem might arise on how to deal with it.... My brain gets tired too and I wonder if I might have started the Eleanor story to soon after the last. Every one is gone for so many reasons.... but I've started and I have you and a few others to enjoy the ride with me, so I thank you very much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
An excellent chapter, and I agree with Garth - they have so much on their plates now, and it's all urgent, and all dark and dangerous. They'll have to think and act quickly. The enemies are unscrupulous.
Wendy
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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An excellent chapter, and I agree with Garth - they have so much on their plates now, and it's all urgent, and all dark and dangerous. They'll have to think and act quickly. The enemies are unscrupulous.
Wendy
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2025
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The enemy are many and their spirits so dark that the team will have to be vigilant on which way the action is coming from. It will be easy to be fooled by situations. I hope I can keep the story flowing smoothly and not drop off the edge myself.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Tim Margetts
Loving it, Carol. Loving it.
So we now bring in a vengeful ghost who is stamping his feet and having a tantrum.
But why is nobody checking out the caves?
Or am I just pre-empting again?
I can't wait to see what happens next
Tim x
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Loving it, Carol. Loving it.
So we now bring in a vengeful ghost who is stamping his feet and having a tantrum.
But why is nobody checking out the caves?
Or am I just pre-empting again?
I can't wait to see what happens next
Tim x
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Not everyone rushes in like Del, my friend. My guys are city law enforcement so they don't really relish hanging out in caves or with ghosts...especially Garth. But the story is unfolding and they are searching for clues...and the bad guys! Thanks so much for the kind review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I absolutely hate doing this. This story is great, but the commas after the dialogues, keep it from being perfect. I wanted to give it a six but can't. I've taken a stand on the errors, if I make an exception then it's not right.
Garth's voice sharpened. "Staged? (sharpened,)
"Don't go pointing fingers at Frankie." Garth snapped. (Frankie,")
Garth leaned forward, his voice lowering. (lowering,)
Garth hesitated before speaking. "He's got a friend -- Marcus Bennetti. (speaking,)
Eleanor's voice was laced with tension. "I found it near the rose garden at (tension,)
Eleanor's voice grew quieter. (quieter,)
Danni's voice broke the tension. "And what (tension,)
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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I absolutely hate doing this. This story is great, but the commas after the dialogues, keep it from being perfect. I wanted to give it a six but can't. I've taken a stand on the errors, if I make an exception then it's not right.
Garth's voice sharpened. "Staged? (sharpened,)
"Don't go pointing fingers at Frankie." Garth snapped. (Frankie,")
Garth leaned forward, his voice lowering. (lowering,)
Garth hesitated before speaking. "He's got a friend -- Marcus Bennetti. (speaking,)
Eleanor's voice was laced with tension. "I found it near the rose garden at (tension,)
Eleanor's voice grew quieter. (quieter,)
Danni's voice broke the tension. "And what (tension,)
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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You have to do what you feel is right. All I know is I go by grammerly and prowriting and they seem to disagree with you. But it doesn't matter....If you enjoy the story thats all that matters to me. I will go and change your suggestions and take you as being right. Thanks so much for taking the time to point them out........I've corrected all of them so all is well that ends well. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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I got two new grammar books for Christmas, recommended by an editor. One is on writing dialogue. They agree with the suggestions I have given you.
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Like I said, I was sure you were right! Thanks again!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story is filled with so much tension. I couldn't "put it down". The dialogue is sharp and quick. Each character's personality shines through. I really enjoyed how you built up the mystery around the missing boy. You kept me on edge with every twist. I'm definitely hooked to see where this goes next. Keep it up - I'm looking forward to more!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Your story is filled with so much tension. I couldn't "put it down". The dialogue is sharp and quick. Each character's personality shines through. I really enjoyed how you built up the mystery around the missing boy. You kept me on edge with every twist. I'm definitely hooked to see where this goes next. Keep it up - I'm looking forward to more!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2025
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Thank you so much, Michael. I love writing dialogue and making each one show the character's personality...or at least I hope I do. This story has so many twists and turns and threads that tie it together that its difficult to write it fast or you get one messed up with the other. Glad you are enjoying it and thank you so much.
Smiles, Carol
