Can You See the Real Me
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "One of Them is Packing a Gun"Is a collection of ten mining/political stories
4 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is an interesting non-fiction post. It started reminding me of how coal mining was terminated recently in Scotland. I wasn't sure what could be improved on the technical aspects, just a bit of punctuation, as follows:
Seeing this in his face, I said, "Honestly, I'd bet you all the money in my pocket that one of those men across the table is packing a gun".
Put the period after the word gun and then the quotation marks.
He spewed out, "Get the hell out of here! You don't bring a gun onto my property! Move it! Get Out!".
You can remove the period after Get out!" (and use a lower-case o there)
Somehow he had heard through the grapevine that Joe was mudding the water.
I am sure you meant 'muddying' and not 'mudding' there.
Also you can check several places to put a semi-colon instead of a comma where you have two independent clauses, for example:
I did make a few trips back in the ensuing months to handle an issue or two, but as noted above the Operating Company hired by Mission was pretty inept, the place was falling apart.
I would put a semi-colon after the word inept instead of a comma.
This is just me, but is 'gob' the same as 'slag' for the slag heaps? Although my uncle Mike worked in the coal mining industry, I only ever did just enough research to write a nineteenth century script about 20 years ago.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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This is an interesting non-fiction post. It started reminding me of how coal mining was terminated recently in Scotland. I wasn't sure what could be improved on the technical aspects, just a bit of punctuation, as follows:
Seeing this in his face, I said, "Honestly, I'd bet you all the money in my pocket that one of those men across the table is packing a gun".
Put the period after the word gun and then the quotation marks.
He spewed out, "Get the hell out of here! You don't bring a gun onto my property! Move it! Get Out!".
You can remove the period after Get out!" (and use a lower-case o there)
Somehow he had heard through the grapevine that Joe was mudding the water.
I am sure you meant 'muddying' and not 'mudding' there.
Also you can check several places to put a semi-colon instead of a comma where you have two independent clauses, for example:
I did make a few trips back in the ensuing months to handle an issue or two, but as noted above the Operating Company hired by Mission was pretty inept, the place was falling apart.
I would put a semi-colon after the word inept instead of a comma.
This is just me, but is 'gob' the same as 'slag' for the slag heaps? Although my uncle Mike worked in the coal mining industry, I only ever did just enough research to write a nineteenth century script about 20 years ago.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Thank you, thank you for the direct comments. I need more of that. Most reviews tend to be only complimentary. I honestly don't know how to use a semi colon. I will continue to work on it.
BTW, Gob is the waste from the coal cleaning plant, slag is the waste product from the steel mills. The mountains of Gob and Slag around Western PA/Northern WV look the same from afar. But heir composition are very different
And yes, I realize it was a long story (aka Novella), but most of my stories are less than 1000 words .
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I think this is a very well-written "novella" and I can appreciate how you've tried to communicate your lengthy experience in transitioning from coal mining to power plant construction and operations. The problem is (and will reflect in the number of your reviews) that this is just too lengthy, specialist and technical to attract the interest it deserves here. Your passion, knowledge and success are evident throughout your story. And, although you hated your English and literature classes, you can certainly write fluently. But, for me there weren't enough lighter moments or anecdotes to give relief to the more technical stuff. I like the contrast between the psyche of the mine workers and the power plant workers, how the former could think outside the box, while the latter, particularly when they'd come from larger utility companies, often lacked basic common sense. But the gun incident seemed to get buried to the extent this reader forgot all about it. That said, I remain very impressed with all the advances in deregulation and energy supply in which you were so actively involved. And I wish you luck in your future writing. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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I think this is a very well-written "novella" and I can appreciate how you've tried to communicate your lengthy experience in transitioning from coal mining to power plant construction and operations. The problem is (and will reflect in the number of your reviews) that this is just too lengthy, specialist and technical to attract the interest it deserves here. Your passion, knowledge and success are evident throughout your story. And, although you hated your English and literature classes, you can certainly write fluently. But, for me there weren't enough lighter moments or anecdotes to give relief to the more technical stuff. I like the contrast between the psyche of the mine workers and the power plant workers, how the former could think outside the box, while the latter, particularly when they'd come from larger utility companies, often lacked basic common sense. But the gun incident seemed to get buried to the extent this reader forgot all about it. That said, I remain very impressed with all the advances in deregulation and energy supply in which you were so actively involved. And I wish you luck in your future writing. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 28-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Thank you for the direct comments. I need more of that. Most reviews tend to be only complimentary. I never thought of adding "lighter moments" and I certainly need to find a way to keep the "gun" in the readers mind.
And yes, I realize it was a long story (aka Novella), I have only written 10 Novellas, I will stop there. I have about 40 stories that are less than 1000 words that I will continue to finalize.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really like how your story gives a behind the scenes look at tough business decisions and personal moments. The way you described your interactions, especially with Buddy and Joe, was full of raw emotion. I can feel the weight of the choices you had to make. It kept me engaged the whole way through. It's a bit long for online reading. This would probably be best as several chapters. Maybe for future posts. Your reflections on the challenges and how you handled them really stuck with me. Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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I really like how your story gives a behind the scenes look at tough business decisions and personal moments. The way you described your interactions, especially with Buddy and Joe, was full of raw emotion. I can feel the weight of the choices you had to make. It kept me engaged the whole way through. It's a bit long for online reading. This would probably be best as several chapters. Maybe for future posts. Your reflections on the challenges and how you handled them really stuck with me. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Thank you for the rating and review.
I realize it was a long story (aka Novella), I have only written 10 Novellas, I will stop there. I have about 40 stories that are less than 1000 words that I will continue to finalize/push those out.
Comment from Rick Gardner
Mr Kelly, this is one from your recent past. We have exchanged stories from our past, you know some of my history from college days of craziness. Now reading your chapter, since I am a Veterinarian, no engineering ever entered my mind. Some real confrontations did happen, read my entry in the Deep Secret category, it will strike a chord as I had to face the Mob and a Mexican cartel episodes in my career in LA. Guns and knives told me what I had to do. Also like your picture, as one client told my staff, I was one ugly dude. So are you.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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Mr Kelly, this is one from your recent past. We have exchanged stories from our past, you know some of my history from college days of craziness. Now reading your chapter, since I am a Veterinarian, no engineering ever entered my mind. Some real confrontations did happen, read my entry in the Deep Secret category, it will strike a chord as I had to face the Mob and a Mexican cartel episodes in my career in LA. Guns and knives told me what I had to do. Also like your picture, as one client told my staff, I was one ugly dude. So are you.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2024
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Thx.. I'll have to check your story out
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I will be a fan of yours also. If you want something in the humor areas, try-Getting old, Its. not working, and A Twin of the Grinch, The Grouch. see you down a road, lost now.
