BOOK OF RENGA POEMS
Viewing comments for Chapter 55 "Mutual Admiration "Renga is a collective poets Japanese poem
5 total reviews
Comment from kahpot
Another wonderful addition for the book of renga, I like the way birds dance and flaunt themselves when trying to win hearts, very well written and presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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Another wonderful addition for the book of renga, I like the way birds dance and flaunt themselves when trying to win hearts, very well written and presented****kahpot
Comment Written 26-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2024
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Birds are funny when they flaunt their feathers - people, not so much. Lol.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
I am so happy you contributed to the Renga Book. It's an excellent chapter. The poem has the right composition. Beautiful presentation and imagery. Good syllables and connection between lines.
suggestion:
with renga we try to follow the previous stanza without repeating words. It's not a big deal but if you want to substitute 'crane' with something else it would flow better.
CHAPTER 54 5/7/5 GYPSY
wading through the pond
(crane) performs its mating moves
neath the spotlight moon
======================
CHAPTER 55 7/7 JUNE SARGENT
Crested (cranes) flaunt their spiked crowns
The girls will be so impressed
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maybe.... (bird) ? just a thought, if you decide to leave as is, it's alright.
gypsy :)
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I am so happy you contributed to the Renga Book. It's an excellent chapter. The poem has the right composition. Beautiful presentation and imagery. Good syllables and connection between lines.
suggestion:
with renga we try to follow the previous stanza without repeating words. It's not a big deal but if you want to substitute 'crane' with something else it would flow better.
CHAPTER 54 5/7/5 GYPSY
wading through the pond
(crane) performs its mating moves
neath the spotlight moon
======================
CHAPTER 55 7/7 JUNE SARGENT
Crested (cranes) flaunt their spiked crowns
The girls will be so impressed
===========================
maybe.... (bird) ? just a thought, if you decide to leave as is, it's alright.
gypsy :)
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
Comment from Mark D. R.
June,
You never know who will move next door. Your Renga couplet is funny in a way. Most reviewers will indeed smoke at this post. However, it probably is not politically correct. Maybe the wood ducks could equally complain about their neighbor's hair style or dress LOL
Mark
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June,
You never know who will move next door. Your Renga couplet is funny in a way. Most reviewers will indeed smoke at this post. However, it probably is not politically correct. Maybe the wood ducks could equally complain about their neighbor's hair style or dress LOL
Mark
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
Comment from Sugarray77
Well done June on the execution of this Renga form. Your book is coming along as you continue to add new and well-written verses to it. I like that it has a pattern to the sequencing. I enjoyed it.
Melissa
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Well done June on the execution of this Renga form. Your book is coming along as you continue to add new and well-written verses to it. I like that it has a pattern to the sequencing. I enjoyed it.
Melissa
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
Comment from royowen
I wonder if the crested cranes are a natural enemy June, perhaps not, but an excellent renga in answer or conclusion in this chapter of the multi author book that Gypsy started, well done, blessings Roy
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I wonder if the crested cranes are a natural enemy June, perhaps not, but an excellent renga in answer or conclusion in this chapter of the multi author book that Gypsy started, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024