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Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Raw; war in reverse."every word said,was first written.
3 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Wars that persist at the hands of the governments of countries that have no 'skin' in the skin that is shed on the soil where the war rages, is not truly war... it is slaughter for politics' sake - on either side. A very haunting and hard-hitting poem here about man's inhuman attitude and actions to man... Well done. Yvette
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Wars that persist at the hands of the governments of countries that have no 'skin' in the skin that is shed on the soil where the war rages, is not truly war... it is slaughter for politics' sake - on either side. A very haunting and hard-hitting poem here about man's inhuman attitude and actions to man... Well done. Yvette
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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thank you
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, a very emotion driven chapter. I would advise readjusting the paragraph structure in the beginning. Also, perhaps increase the font size. It's a fictional chapter, but I recommend adding more than raw emotions. People are people.
notes:
here is a difference between war and slaughter, any adult will {agree.at First} I saw the war side
-edit
But know I don't.
- But now I don't.
A time when we will be pulling strangers with a clear message to kill anything that does not look like you off of our children and elders.
-This line needs rewriting for better clarification.
Someone stole our power of {forgiveness'},
-forgiveness
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Hmm, a very emotion driven chapter. I would advise readjusting the paragraph structure in the beginning. Also, perhaps increase the font size. It's a fictional chapter, but I recommend adding more than raw emotions. People are people.
notes:
here is a difference between war and slaughter, any adult will {agree.at First} I saw the war side
-edit
But know I don't.
- But now I don't.
A time when we will be pulling strangers with a clear message to kill anything that does not look like you off of our children and elders.
-This line needs rewriting for better clarification.
Someone stole our power of {forgiveness'},
-forgiveness
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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thank you...I made the correction and u were right OfCourse...smile.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a thoughtful post and it is so very sad to think of war at Christmas and those who are still suffering. Your words are delivered with a warm and gentle kindness here, Merry Christmas to you, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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This is a thoughtful post and it is so very sad to think of war at Christmas and those who are still suffering. Your words are delivered with a warm and gentle kindness here, Merry Christmas to you, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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happy holiday to u and yours this holiday season young lady...many blessings and thank you for taking out the time to read my work. much appreciated.
