On a Bench by the Sea
Dialogue-only contest entry13 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
". . . the only cure for a restless mind is the sea--as if the tides can pull away the weight of worry." - I love this line! One would imagine you are a poet, if they didn't already know that:-)
I knew something was off, his little girl being home with her mother - alone? And how did he have a young child when he sounded as though he was up there in years. I suspected his wife was dead, but I didn't expect the dementia and the "young woman" being his daughter. Until the mention of tea on the deck that went out over the ocean.
This is a poignant and well told entry for this contest, and I believe it will do well. Lots of emotion, and many will relate to the man's dilemma.
If I have any suggestion, it would be that it's a little long. You have two separate sections on how strong dad was and how he got through the day despite his pain. I think this could be contained in one section.
Otherwise, this is very good.
Happy holidays!
xo
Pam
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". . . the only cure for a restless mind is the sea--as if the tides can pull away the weight of worry." - I love this line! One would imagine you are a poet, if they didn't already know that:-)
I knew something was off, his little girl being home with her mother - alone? And how did he have a young child when he sounded as though he was up there in years. I suspected his wife was dead, but I didn't expect the dementia and the "young woman" being his daughter. Until the mention of tea on the deck that went out over the ocean.
This is a poignant and well told entry for this contest, and I believe it will do well. Lots of emotion, and many will relate to the man's dilemma.
If I have any suggestion, it would be that it's a little long. You have two separate sections on how strong dad was and how he got through the day despite his pain. I think this could be contained in one section.
Otherwise, this is very good.
Happy holidays!
xo
Pam
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
You made me cry. Thank you. I haven't been able to cry in years. I wouldn't let myself. I figured with all the crapola I had been given I would never stop. So I decided I wouldn't do it anymore. Even though I figured out that she was his daughter halfway through, the story was so involving I hung on. Great work. Karen
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You made me cry. Thank you. I haven't been able to cry in years. I wouldn't let myself. I figured with all the crapola I had been given I would never stop. So I decided I wouldn't do it anymore. Even though I figured out that she was his daughter halfway through, the story was so involving I hung on. Great work. Karen
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
Comment from estory
I thought this was a pretty well written exchange between two people coping with death and pain and loss, chocked full of emotion. The emotion really came through, the voice of the father seemed to be wavering, the voice of the daughter was more steady, almost like a rock in a storm. You had a nice twist in there when this moved from being a conversation between strangers and one between father and daughter. It does raise many questions in the minds of readers though. Does he have alzheimer's or something? Is the daughter humoring him here? estory
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I thought this was a pretty well written exchange between two people coping with death and pain and loss, chocked full of emotion. The emotion really came through, the voice of the father seemed to be wavering, the voice of the daughter was more steady, almost like a rock in a storm. You had a nice twist in there when this moved from being a conversation between strangers and one between father and daughter. It does raise many questions in the minds of readers though. Does he have alzheimer's or something? Is the daughter humoring him here? estory
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
Comment from Bill Schott
This dialogue-only story, On a Bench by the Sea, is a magnificent moment in the lives of father and daughter as they move through the times of loss, confusion, dependence, independence, fear, and emotional triumph. Brilliant!
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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This dialogue-only story, On a Bench by the Sea, is a magnificent moment in the lives of father and daughter as they move through the times of loss, confusion, dependence, independence, fear, and emotional triumph. Brilliant!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Bill, thank you so much!! Truly appreciated. Xoxo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I got goosebumps and tears as I read this contest entry. It's perfect. Thank you for sharing it with us. WOW!!! I don't even know what to write. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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I got goosebumps and tears as I read this contest entry. It's perfect. Thank you for sharing it with us. WOW!!! I don't even know what to write. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Aw, Barbara that means so much to me! Thank you.
Comment from Jim Wile
Oh, God, Jess. This was so good. It brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. Such a sweet story about a girl and her father who's suffering from dementia. I read this to my wife, and the tears were streaming down her face as I got to the end.
This was so well crafted, that I didn't catch on until pretty late that she was talking to her daddy. I just loved the feelings and emotions you brought to this story. I could picture this being made into a movie--a real tear-jerker of one.
I just loved it.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Oh, God, Jess. This was so good. It brought a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye. Such a sweet story about a girl and her father who's suffering from dementia. I read this to my wife, and the tears were streaming down her face as I got to the end.
This was so well crafted, that I didn't catch on until pretty late that she was talking to her daddy. I just loved the feelings and emotions you brought to this story. I could picture this being made into a movie--a real tear-jerker of one.
I just loved it.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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That means so much to me, Jim, thank you! Please tell Elise I am honored.
Xoxo
Jess
Comment from patcelaw
This is a very well written dialogue. Only entry for the dialogue only contest and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a wonderful day. May you have a very merry Christmas and a very happy and prosperous new year. Patricia.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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This is a very well written dialogue. Only entry for the dialogue only contest and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a wonderful day. May you have a very merry Christmas and a very happy and prosperous new year. Patricia.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Thanks so much, Patricia!
Comment from June Sargent
What a powerful testament to a love between a husband a wife and between a daughter and her parents - a love that transcends the ugliness of cancer and Alzheimer's. This story is a winner - because we can all relate to the dialogue. Well done!
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What a powerful testament to a love between a husband a wife and between a daughter and her parents - a love that transcends the ugliness of cancer and Alzheimer's. This story is a winner - because we can all relate to the dialogue. Well done!
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from Sanku
This is a beautiful story, deeply resonating within the readers soul. It flows smoothly in the begining ,then some doubt creeps in the mind of the reader ,a shadow, of something sad ! Just as the father cared for the daughter the daughter is caring for him...Very touching ..It touched my soul..
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This is a beautiful story, deeply resonating within the readers soul. It flows smoothly in the begining ,then some doubt creeps in the mind of the reader ,a shadow, of something sad ! Just as the father cared for the daughter the daughter is caring for him...Very touching ..It touched my soul..
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
We know with your writing, Jess, there is always something much deeper than simply the words on the page, something much more spiritual. In this case, this is a conversation that starts off, seemingly, between two strangers and then concludes as two very much related, albeit in different time zones (on account of the father's confused condition). While he is still living in the past, traumatised by his wife's worsening disease and the consequences for their daughter, she turns out to be the adult version of his daughter who is patiently and lovingly trying to offer him comfort and reassurance. The backdrop of the house with the white balcony is symbolically resonant, bonding these three (including the deceased mother) forever together while presenting an enduring image of beauty and contentment. Thank you for sharing your well-crafted and charming read. Jess. Good luck! Debbie
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We know with your writing, Jess, there is always something much deeper than simply the words on the page, something much more spiritual. In this case, this is a conversation that starts off, seemingly, between two strangers and then concludes as two very much related, albeit in different time zones (on account of the father's confused condition). While he is still living in the past, traumatised by his wife's worsening disease and the consequences for their daughter, she turns out to be the adult version of his daughter who is patiently and lovingly trying to offer him comfort and reassurance. The backdrop of the house with the white balcony is symbolically resonant, bonding these three (including the deceased mother) forever together while presenting an enduring image of beauty and contentment. Thank you for sharing your well-crafted and charming read. Jess. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024