Going Back in Time
Lesson in life and love.41 total reviews
Comment from EeanBlack
Well, that was good. I have had an awkward experience like this. It didn't have the same outcome and there was no lovechild. You're a very good writer. Do you have a novel out yet or an anthology of short stories? You should go there.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2025
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Well, that was good. I have had an awkward experience like this. It didn't have the same outcome and there was no lovechild. You're a very good writer. Do you have a novel out yet or an anthology of short stories? You should go there.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2025
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2025
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Thank you so much, Eean Black, for your generous review and kind words. I'm glad you liked this story and I could entertain you for a minute. I do have a publisher who wants to publish my stories with his, but so far, I just haven't agreed. I had always wanted my first book to be my own stories. If I agree to his wishes, he wants to post a novel that isn't on this site. Thanks for asking, and I hope you'll like some of the 100 stories I have posted. Much appreciated!
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Yeah, be careful with that. I've been rejected more than once. People here on this site are so full of information. Keep trying. Stay true to yourself though.
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This can be a difficult place sometimes. There are many people who like to be helpful. But sadly, there are other wanting to bolster their own egos. Please, don't pay attention to any of them more than with a grain of salt. You can read some of my long rants, and some even against a few I consider friends. We are all here to learn, and the best way to learn is write. So, remember that the only person you have to please, is YOU. Many of the best grammarians with the most advice, tell the most boring stories. I never let anyone alter my thoughts.
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I think you just got to the heart of my problem. Thanks.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, that was quite an unexpected ending. You managed to create a very cursive stories that shows human nature in all aspects, but also let out some decency, but taking a stand against those guys that had no problem to take advantage of the girl.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025
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Wow, that was quite an unexpected ending. You managed to create a very cursive stories that shows human nature in all aspects, but also let out some decency, but taking a stand against those guys that had no problem to take advantage of the girl.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2025
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Thank you so much, Iza, for your generous review and kind words. I hope I was able to entertain you for a minute or two. Most everything is seen through different eyes, right or wrong. And it's probably good because if everyone thought alike it would make for a dull world. But as we've all learned, most people only think of themselves, sadly. I appreciate your writing and your reviews, but most all I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hey Ric!
This story seems a little outside your usual, and I am not sure I can come up with exactly why just now. Maybe by the time I finish my review, it will come to me ...
There was some good wholesome emotional flare in this one, unbiased by your usual cynical and ironic author's voice. Yes, maybe that's it. A serious lesson learned in serious lives. I think the clincher as to why this one might be different is that there is no villain (unless you want to call your narrator's friend who would be willing to take advantage of Ashley a villain). Most of your stories I have read contain an obvious villain, a la Daniel Farnsworth. But in this more human and touching story, the only villain is circumstance, it seems. It makes all the difference to branch out your stylings.
SOME THOUGHTS:
---"But they aren't likely to ever take the place of boozers' dancehalls, discos, and feisty-broad pickup joints." --Yeah, I agree. These seem like a hell of lot more fun, not gonna lie.
---"Hello, pretty boy, my, my--" She stepped back and looked me up and down. "Oh, how this sex-starved tigress would like to ride you too hard, leave you wet and exhausted, and with more saddle sores than a cowboy on a two-week cattle drive." --Okay, so I was astounded at first that you managed to transcribe almost word-for-word what many women in my life have said to me at nightclubs over the years ... nah, I'm bullshittin'. Of course this has never happened to me! Holy crap, I'd likely be done and needing a sammich at the end of her speech! *laughs*
---"She's so blown away she doesn't know what she's saying, Tim, or she's so nasty she does strangers every night. Either way, I wouldn't touch her." --Here is the moment your narrator shows what a good person he is, and this is necessary for the reader to appreciate the "villainous" circumstances at the end when he finds out what he missed out on by not contacting Amanda again.
Just one!
---"...Croup riding boots and[,] probably the twitch in my Wrangler jeans." --I think you can remove this comma.
This is great story, Ric! The twist at the end may not have blindsided me, but it was well told. Great job! Of course, I am still out of 6-stars for the week, or I would plop one down on this beauty. Talk soon!
Patrick
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Hey Ric!
This story seems a little outside your usual, and I am not sure I can come up with exactly why just now. Maybe by the time I finish my review, it will come to me ...
There was some good wholesome emotional flare in this one, unbiased by your usual cynical and ironic author's voice. Yes, maybe that's it. A serious lesson learned in serious lives. I think the clincher as to why this one might be different is that there is no villain (unless you want to call your narrator's friend who would be willing to take advantage of Ashley a villain). Most of your stories I have read contain an obvious villain, a la Daniel Farnsworth. But in this more human and touching story, the only villain is circumstance, it seems. It makes all the difference to branch out your stylings.
SOME THOUGHTS:
---"But they aren't likely to ever take the place of boozers' dancehalls, discos, and feisty-broad pickup joints." --Yeah, I agree. These seem like a hell of lot more fun, not gonna lie.
---"Hello, pretty boy, my, my--" She stepped back and looked me up and down. "Oh, how this sex-starved tigress would like to ride you too hard, leave you wet and exhausted, and with more saddle sores than a cowboy on a two-week cattle drive." --Okay, so I was astounded at first that you managed to transcribe almost word-for-word what many women in my life have said to me at nightclubs over the years ... nah, I'm bullshittin'. Of course this has never happened to me! Holy crap, I'd likely be done and needing a sammich at the end of her speech! *laughs*
---"She's so blown away she doesn't know what she's saying, Tim, or she's so nasty she does strangers every night. Either way, I wouldn't touch her." --Here is the moment your narrator shows what a good person he is, and this is necessary for the reader to appreciate the "villainous" circumstances at the end when he finds out what he missed out on by not contacting Amanda again.
Just one!
---"...Croup riding boots and[,] probably the twitch in my Wrangler jeans." --I think you can remove this comma.
This is great story, Ric! The twist at the end may not have blindsided me, but it was well told. Great job! Of course, I am still out of 6-stars for the week, or I would plop one down on this beauty. Talk soon!
Patrick
Comment Written 10-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2025
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Thanks, Patrick, for your generous review, kind words, and as always, the time you spend breaking down your helpful reviews and suggestions. I'll definitely remove that comma because you're the teacher, and students need to follow rules, at least while the teacher is watching. For me, I've always felt that rules are made to be broken. And believe me brother, I've broken them all, many times. You seem to consider yourself a bad boy, to some extent; but trust me, I was once as bad as they come. Most who knew me would say the worst, which is why I avoid showing that side anymore. I did realize the comma isn't correct, but as with the one yesterday, I wanted an emphasis on "twitch in my jeans," and thought, what easier way to get it. More times than not, my grammar and punctuation are just screw-ups from not knowing much about either. So, a special thanks for your help and it's always greatly appreciated! But I have to laugh when I think back to an interviewer questioning Lawrence Block on some of his uses for commas. He looked at her and said, "Who wrote this story?" She said, "Why of course, you did." He said, "That's right I wrote it, and who would know better where I want my stops or how I want it to read, whether I'm using short, medium, or full stops?" That isn't an exact quote on either side, and he wasn't intending to be a smart ass, just making a point from a different view. LOL.
Oh, something I forgot to say, like you don't have anything more important to do than hear my crap. But the bad guy in this story is the narrator himself, telling his story. He slipped off and left the pregnant young girl and never made an effort to contact her for 24-years. But the part I hoped you would notice is that I never gave him a name, just like he didn't offer one for his daughter.
Have a wonderful weekend!
I appreciate YOU!
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Hey Ric! Okay, I do want to offer you something, and this is done completely as an open offer going forward, with no judgment on my part, just a desire to be the best friend I can. I totally do not have to make any suggestions grammar-wise in your work anymore if you don't wish it. I promise, it doesn't make any difference to me. 😊 I am totally happy just to read and comment on your work in future reviews.
And as for me being a "wild man" or bad boy? Oh hell no. I have always been a bookish, nerdy, overweight, mama's boy. 🤣 I guess while you were chatting up hotties in night clubs I was learning grammar! 😉
Talk to you soon!
Comment from Sally Law
Ric,
So sorry to be late to this one. I've been Christmasing. A wonderful story of a hard lesson learned of growing up and recognizing real love. Some never learn, not even our close relationships, siblings and parents. Yet, a few do. I'm glad to see that some do, and go on to apply a lesson learned. Well worth a six, my friend.
Sending you my best today as always.
Happy New Year!
Sal :)) xo
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Ric,
So sorry to be late to this one. I've been Christmasing. A wonderful story of a hard lesson learned of growing up and recognizing real love. Some never learn, not even our close relationships, siblings and parents. Yet, a few do. I'm glad to see that some do, and go on to apply a lesson learned. Well worth a six, my friend.
Sending you my best today as always.
Happy New Year!
Sal :)) xo
Comment Written 29-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Sal, for your kind and generous bundle of stars. This one was written outside my comfort zone, but sometimes life calls for hard around the edges, even if we don't like it much. I appreciate YOU always! Wishing you the happiest New Year ever! Ric
Comment from Charles D Ezell
Tough write but much like the real thing. Glad,Good job God brought me from those events but I assure you, your story sounds like today and its affect upon our youthful society.Goog job, Ric.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Tough write but much like the real thing. Glad,Good job God brought me from those events but I assure you, your story sounds like today and its affect upon our youthful society.Goog job, Ric.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Charles, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. This is a little outside my comfort zone and the characters have some major flaws. But I've been told the only way to keep getting better is venture outside your normal restrictions. I know this isn't really a story that either of us truly likes; so, therefore, I thank you even more for the stars, and that you liked the writing. I appreciate your writing and your reviews!
Comment from L. Kalere
Hey Ric, I was just scanning the site, saw the notice of your latest write and couldn't resist checking it out. I have to say, you've come a long way. Subtlety hasn't been your strong point, but the beginning and end of this story show that you have it in you. The first few paragraphs seem clearly rooted in familiarity and are wonderfully descriptive; most of all they quickly pulled me in, like the beginning of a good novel.
Then the middle reverted to shock. I debated whether to say anything more and decided that because you're one of the writers who has grown, you'd be curious: I can't imagine any girl, sober or drunk, could talk to her father that way, because (IMHO) the "ick" factor is so high. In fact, if she was drunk, she'd probably rip him a new asshole rather than seduce him. Then Tim came out of nowhere and gave me a creep-alert squirm.
Although colorful hyperbole and "shock and awe" have made you an exciting and popular FS author (well earned, speaking as a fan) I think this writing has proved you have something potentially more powerful: a unique gift for creating characters with complex human emotions. "Going Back in Time" nailed it with a well-written and moving ending.
Take care
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Hey Ric, I was just scanning the site, saw the notice of your latest write and couldn't resist checking it out. I have to say, you've come a long way. Subtlety hasn't been your strong point, but the beginning and end of this story show that you have it in you. The first few paragraphs seem clearly rooted in familiarity and are wonderfully descriptive; most of all they quickly pulled me in, like the beginning of a good novel.
Then the middle reverted to shock. I debated whether to say anything more and decided that because you're one of the writers who has grown, you'd be curious: I can't imagine any girl, sober or drunk, could talk to her father that way, because (IMHO) the "ick" factor is so high. In fact, if she was drunk, she'd probably rip him a new asshole rather than seduce him. Then Tim came out of nowhere and gave me a creep-alert squirm.
Although colorful hyperbole and "shock and awe" have made you an exciting and popular FS author (well earned, speaking as a fan) I think this writing has proved you have something potentially more powerful: a unique gift for creating characters with complex human emotions. "Going Back in Time" nailed it with a well-written and moving ending.
Take care
Comment Written 27-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2024
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Hey, Linda, it's always so nice to see your name pop up. Thanks for the generous review and kind words. This story is somewhat outside my comfort zone, and the line the girl said to the main character, even reddened my face. Of course, she didn't have any idea the man was her father at the time, she was just playing along with her mother in trying to embarrass him. LOL. I started this really slowly, dragging it along with what I was afraid readers would consider worthless rambling. But I wanted it to crawl, hoping it would intensify everything after the first four paragraphs. I hope it worked. This character study is along the lines of two of my previous stories "Blind Justice," and "The Unpredictable Cycles of Life." I'm glad you think I'm improving and/or showing a different side. This is a slight glimpse at the things I try to keep hidden. LOL. Thanks gain, and now write me something. You know I love your stories. I appreciate YOU always!
Comment from June Sargent
Super regrets! One phone call would have made all the difference in the world - a world he will never share with his daughter. What a powerful what-if story! Hooked me in right away. Much enjoyed.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Super regrets! One phone call would have made all the difference in the world - a world he will never share with his daughter. What a powerful what-if story! Hooked me in right away. Much enjoyed.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, June, for your generous review and kind words. And for taking time out to read my story, and I'm happy you enjoyed it. Much appreciated! Happy Holidays to you and yours!
Comment from Tim Margetts
Ric, my friend.
I love this. It has everything, drama, suspense and even then romance and regret.
Well done for this excellent little tale, I enjoyed it very much.
I hope you have an awesome Christmas.
Tim
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2024
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Ric, my friend.
I love this. It has everything, drama, suspense and even then romance and regret.
Well done for this excellent little tale, I enjoyed it very much.
I hope you have an awesome Christmas.
Tim
Comment Written 24-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Tim, for taking time out to read my foolishness at this busy time. I appreciate your generous review and kind words. I'm glad you liked it. My favorite part is that I shared this character's event without ever giving him a name, sort of like his daughter. Much appreciated!
Have a Wonderful Christmas!
Comment from Thesis
You packed a lot into this story. I like how you wove in a past love, betrayal, and an attempt at revenge using Amanda's daughter to humiliate. I found it interesting that the main character was never named by Amanda or his friends.
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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You packed a lot into this story. I like how you wove in a past love, betrayal, and an attempt at revenge using Amanda's daughter to humiliate. I found it interesting that the main character was never named by Amanda or his friends.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Thesis, for your generous review, kind words, and comments. We haven't crossed paths in a while and it's good to see you. I always enjoy your writing, and your reviews. I'm glad you noticed the no name part, that most haven't mentioned. Yes, I shared the character's events without ever giving him a name. Kind of referring his daughter wasn't given his name either. Thanks for catching, what is to me, a huge part of the story. Happy Holidays! Much appreciated!
Comment from Ulla
Six stars, Ric, for a great story and built up. But most of all for the twist at the end. Yes, many a man probably don't know what legacy they have left behind. Maybe it's as well. Lol. This is a great story and character development. Ulla :)))
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Six stars, Ric, for a great story and built up. But most of all for the twist at the end. Yes, many a man probably don't know what legacy they have left behind. Maybe it's as well. Lol. This is a great story and character development. Ulla :)))
Comment Written 23-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. I just wanted this to be one of those stories that puts people to thinking near the holiday season. My favorite part is that I shared the character's events without giving him a name. Thanks for taking time out to read it during this busy season. I'm so glad you liked it. Much appreciated! Have a Happy Holiday!
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I loved the story. Happy holidays to you and yours, as well. :)))
