Going Back in Time
Lesson in life and love.23 total reviews
Comment from Sanku
The ending was surprising like an O Henrian twist.To be propositioned by one's own daughter doesnt feel good but since it was planned as a revenge it made a nice story..
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The ending was surprising like an O Henrian twist.To be propositioned by one's own daughter doesnt feel good but since it was planned as a revenge it made a nice story..
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from BethShelby
I loved your story which started out sounding very much like it really happened. I imagine at least some of it really did. How awkward to be propositioned by your own daughter. You made a story that was beginning to sound sordid have a really sensitive ending. I do remember the reality of you finding out you had a real-life daughter you didn't know about.
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I loved your story which started out sounding very much like it really happened. I imagine at least some of it really did. How awkward to be propositioned by your own daughter. You made a story that was beginning to sound sordid have a really sensitive ending. I do remember the reality of you finding out you had a real-life daughter you didn't know about.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from jenintorre
Wow! What a gripping read. The title 'going back in time' signifies to me that this is mostly written from memory.
I love the eroticism of the bar scene
In my experience not many men would have been so caring and restraining. The twist at the end came as a great surprise. I hope there is another installment real soon. Can't wait. Thanks for sharing, my very clever friend. X
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Wow! What a gripping read. The title 'going back in time' signifies to me that this is mostly written from memory.
I love the eroticism of the bar scene
In my experience not many men would have been so caring and restraining. The twist at the end came as a great surprise. I hope there is another installment real soon. Can't wait. Thanks for sharing, my very clever friend. X
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from karenina
It's always a pleasure to see a notice you have posted!
This is a softer side of you...no speed chances or shoot outs, but fireworks of another kind...
I enjoyed the lead in, as you gave the flavor of the "horse" life and the men who group together to enjoy the night life.
You lured me in with Ashley's award winning "performance."
Like most, I'd guess, I had her pegged as either a lush with questionable morals or possibly a date-drug victim.
Great diversion! I did NOT see the "you are her father" grenade about to explode!
Amanda's been nursing desertion issues for a long time...
By your actions (gentlemanly) with Ashley, it's clear you had no idea you'd left her to raise a child alone...
Digging deeper, I wondered if Ashley had been fed a bill of goods about her never do well absentee father and thus was willing to entrap you...
Sadly, I've known that to be true...
Enough regret and epiphany to go around!
I like where you left the ending, Ric.
I'll mentally pencil in dad and daughter getting to know one another...
(That green-eyed gal deserves to know life throws us curve balls!)
Happy Holidays!
Karenina
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It's always a pleasure to see a notice you have posted!
This is a softer side of you...no speed chances or shoot outs, but fireworks of another kind...
I enjoyed the lead in, as you gave the flavor of the "horse" life and the men who group together to enjoy the night life.
You lured me in with Ashley's award winning "performance."
Like most, I'd guess, I had her pegged as either a lush with questionable morals or possibly a date-drug victim.
Great diversion! I did NOT see the "you are her father" grenade about to explode!
Amanda's been nursing desertion issues for a long time...
By your actions (gentlemanly) with Ashley, it's clear you had no idea you'd left her to raise a child alone...
Digging deeper, I wondered if Ashley had been fed a bill of goods about her never do well absentee father and thus was willing to entrap you...
Sadly, I've known that to be true...
Enough regret and epiphany to go around!
I like where you left the ending, Ric.
I'll mentally pencil in dad and daughter getting to know one another...
(That green-eyed gal deserves to know life throws us curve balls!)
Happy Holidays!
Karenina
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from DeboraDyess
I was worried about you there for a minute, Ric! What a jam... Is this true?
Those lessons are tough...
I enjoyed the read although I gotta admit that Ashley's proposition made my jaw drop! Wow... That was something! lol
Blessings and thanks again for the read, Oh! And Merry Christmas!
Deb
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I was worried about you there for a minute, Ric! What a jam... Is this true?
Those lessons are tough...
I enjoyed the read although I gotta admit that Ashley's proposition made my jaw drop! Wow... That was something! lol
Blessings and thanks again for the read, Oh! And Merry Christmas!
Deb
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from lancellot
I was hesitant to review this one. I read it twice, went away, then came back. It is a fictional story, and I will say, one that seems written for the FanStory demographic, but it has many glaring holes in the story and plot. And I don't know if you want to know how one odd man out sees it.
My review is not personal and is written as if the post was written for a general audience. I know it will be different than most. Feel free to skip it or tell not to review again. I do understand what FanStory is, for many members.
notes
"I'd take my chances for one night with this princess. We could get healed together.["]
-add
And I said, "Are you okay."
-And I said, "Are you okay?"
"Who are you?" She asked.
-"Who are you?" she asked.
"Well, you hadn't before you came up and told me you'd like to sleep with me." Then, almost in a frenzy, she grabbed at the armrest and tried to get away.
-Should be separated-
"Well, you hadn't before you came up and told me you'd like to sleep with me."
Then, almost in a frenzy, she grabbed at the armrest and tried to get away.
- Also, what normal dude would say this? Why? Especially when he has no desire to have sex with her. So why even speak? There should be logical reasons for a character's actions, beyond just so the story can happen.
"Calm down. I won't hurt you. From the way you're acting, it's hard to believe you're the same girl who approached me with your vulgar proposition."
- Before this guy sounded like a boy scout, but now it's unbelievable. I know the FS ladies will like it, but it goes beyond what a man would do or say.
Arms handcuffed behind my back, the sleuths marched me through the bar of tantalizing gawkers, and outside to an awaiting paddy wagon.
-Umm, aren't we missing an actual crime. And how does three 'detectives' do not notice how drunk she is, or did she 'magically sober up in seconds?)
But an hour later--Amanda Warren bailed me out--all charges dropped.
-Wow, that was fast and how? For bail, wouldn't he need to see a judge? What were his charges anyway?
Released, I wasted no time heading straight back to the bar-- searching for observers to corroborate my story--eyewitnesses of what truthfully happened.
-Why? He was released in hours with no charges. A normal person would thank their lucky stars and go home, or as far away from that bar as possible.
"I'm assuming this happened after I was arrested. So, is Ashley okay now?" Amanda kept nodding yes.
-What? No anger. No cursing. No threats to sue and get her and the cops fired? Is this guy not human?
Plus, how did Amanda know he would come back to that bar? How did she know he would even stand around and speak to her daughter, and not leave the drunken woman there? Her plan relied on random circumstances that risks her job and the other cops. What? And why is he so even toned about what he'd been put through. And has no man ever dumped Amanda before?
Do you see the holes?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I was hesitant to review this one. I read it twice, went away, then came back. It is a fictional story, and I will say, one that seems written for the FanStory demographic, but it has many glaring holes in the story and plot. And I don't know if you want to know how one odd man out sees it.
My review is not personal and is written as if the post was written for a general audience. I know it will be different than most. Feel free to skip it or tell not to review again. I do understand what FanStory is, for many members.
notes
"I'd take my chances for one night with this princess. We could get healed together.["]
-add
And I said, "Are you okay."
-And I said, "Are you okay?"
"Who are you?" She asked.
-"Who are you?" she asked.
"Well, you hadn't before you came up and told me you'd like to sleep with me." Then, almost in a frenzy, she grabbed at the armrest and tried to get away.
-Should be separated-
"Well, you hadn't before you came up and told me you'd like to sleep with me."
Then, almost in a frenzy, she grabbed at the armrest and tried to get away.
- Also, what normal dude would say this? Why? Especially when he has no desire to have sex with her. So why even speak? There should be logical reasons for a character's actions, beyond just so the story can happen.
"Calm down. I won't hurt you. From the way you're acting, it's hard to believe you're the same girl who approached me with your vulgar proposition."
- Before this guy sounded like a boy scout, but now it's unbelievable. I know the FS ladies will like it, but it goes beyond what a man would do or say.
Arms handcuffed behind my back, the sleuths marched me through the bar of tantalizing gawkers, and outside to an awaiting paddy wagon.
-Umm, aren't we missing an actual crime. And how does three 'detectives' do not notice how drunk she is, or did she 'magically sober up in seconds?)
But an hour later--Amanda Warren bailed me out--all charges dropped.
-Wow, that was fast and how? For bail, wouldn't he need to see a judge? What were his charges anyway?
Released, I wasted no time heading straight back to the bar-- searching for observers to corroborate my story--eyewitnesses of what truthfully happened.
-Why? He was released in hours with no charges. A normal person would thank their lucky stars and go home, or as far away from that bar as possible.
"I'm assuming this happened after I was arrested. So, is Ashley okay now?" Amanda kept nodding yes.
-What? No anger. No cursing. No threats to sue and get her and the cops fired? Is this guy not human?
Plus, how did Amanda know he would come back to that bar? How did she know he would even stand around and speak to her daughter, and not leave the drunken woman there? Her plan relied on random circumstances that risks her job and the other cops. What? And why is he so even toned about what he'd been put through. And has no man ever dumped Amanda before?
Do you see the holes?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
I was glad to see you back to writing. This story was very real sounding and full of twists. The only problem I have with it is the length and the cliff hanger. I am hoping that this is just the first part of a series and I am anxious for more to come. Nice work.
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I was glad to see you back to writing. This story was very real sounding and full of twists. The only problem I have with it is the length and the cliff hanger. I am hoping that this is just the first part of a series and I am anxious for more to come. Nice work.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from lyenochka
I know when there's a beautiful woman with green eyes your main character is in big trouble. Somehow this feels like there is more real biographical information than fiction. I like how you always manage to twist the plot and surprise us with the ending.
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I know when there's a beautiful woman with green eyes your main character is in big trouble. Somehow this feels like there is more real biographical information than fiction. I like how you always manage to twist the plot and surprise us with the ending.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
Comment from Yardier
An incredible write with clarity, twists and turns. You have crafted an intriguing story with a balanced flow of visualization. Engrossing, truthful, and great geography back story.
In Saigon women like that were called 'Tea Girls'.
Merry Christmas and may the next year be the very best of your life.
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An incredible write with clarity, twists and turns. You have crafted an intriguing story with a balanced flow of visualization. Engrossing, truthful, and great geography back story.
In Saigon women like that were called 'Tea Girls'.
Merry Christmas and may the next year be the very best of your life.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2024
Comment from Tom Horonzy
You leave the scene for a month or two and then write what many will presume to be a biographical writ. I am glad the ending cleared what the beginning and middle left out.
Being a horse guy, did you ever do Aiken Ga. They were and may still be a trotter centre.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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You leave the scene for a month or two and then write what many will presume to be a biographical writ. I am glad the ending cleared what the beginning and middle left out.
Being a horse guy, did you ever do Aiken Ga. They were and may still be a trotter centre.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much, Tom, for your generous review and kind words. Luckily, this wasn't autobiographical. Thank goodness. Yes, I've been to Aiken. There are lots of trotters there. But there used to be lots of thoroughbreds around there too back in the 1970s and 1980. I haven't been there since, but I know people who have. I spent most of my winters in New Orleans and Miami. Much appreciated!