Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
A private performance in the changing room!5 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You made me smile here Peter as your muse works some magic in this story and I wonder if your wife has read this steamy poem? Ha ha ha, I enjoyed your inventive poem for the contest, love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2024
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You made me smile here Peter as your muse works some magic in this story and I wonder if your wife has read this steamy poem? Ha ha ha, I enjoyed your inventive poem for the contest, love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 19-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2024
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No she has not seen it - she does not possess a very good, neither do I wand to receive a knuckle sandwich!
Just a bit of fun.
Take care
XX
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I will rewrite that pile of nonsense:
No she has not seen it and nor will she, she does not share my sense of humour. I am not partial to a bunch of fives.
Take care Dolly
XXX
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Ha ha ha, you made me smile, not heard that expression since my Father was alive! Love Dolly x x x
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Mystery Writer,
Your note is funny, too. I enjoyed the complete story, which had some nice rhythm in places. The rhymes worked well for your humorous take on an episode in the changing booth.
Lines 8 and 9 are the longest, with 15 and 13 syllables, respectively. This throws off the rhythm. I think shortening those two lines would improve the flow for the reader.
In line 11, I think "you" should be "your."
Such a fun poem at your wife's expense.
Patricia
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Hi Mystery Writer,
Your note is funny, too. I enjoyed the complete story, which had some nice rhythm in places. The rhymes worked well for your humorous take on an episode in the changing booth.
Lines 8 and 9 are the longest, with 15 and 13 syllables, respectively. This throws off the rhythm. I think shortening those two lines would improve the flow for the reader.
In line 11, I think "you" should be "your."
Such a fun poem at your wife's expense.
Patricia
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your kind words and thoughtful feedback! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and found the humour engaging. You've made some excellent points about the rhythm and syllable count. Shortening lines 8 and 9 can certainly help improve the flow, and adjusting line 11 as well can make it smoother for the reader.
I shall be making those revisions.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh come on, I'm sure it probably did:) No fiction is ever without a grounding in fact! Love it! Your delightful verse reads fluently and imaginatively with fun and amusing detail, even the mirror coming to life to egg on a very willing "vaudeville star." My only criticism is that it finished too soon:)) Well done and good luck! Debbie. PS I await part 2!
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Oh come on, I'm sure it probably did:) No fiction is ever without a grounding in fact! Love it! Your delightful verse reads fluently and imaginatively with fun and amusing detail, even the mirror coming to life to egg on a very willing "vaudeville star." My only criticism is that it finished too soon:)) Well done and good luck! Debbie. PS I await part 2!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful feedback! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the verse and its playful elements. I appreciate your encouragement and will definitely consider working on a part 2. Your review is motivating, and I'm glad it resonated with you. Stay tuned for more!
Comment from Elizabeth Delaney
This is fantastic!
A great take on the theme of "mirror"
The rhyming style adds to its humour and topic itself is quirky and fun.
A nice spin on a childhood tale.
Good Luck in the competition
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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This is fantastic!
A great take on the theme of "mirror"
The rhyming style adds to its humour and topic itself is quirky and fun.
A nice spin on a childhood tale.
Good Luck in the competition
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your kind words, and for the 6 stars.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
This is a very good mirror poem. It is well organized and flows nicely from beginning to end. I like how you say you don't think so. That's funny.
Well done and good luck in the contest
Cecilia
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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This is a very good mirror poem. It is well organized and flows nicely from beginning to end. I like how you say you don't think so. That's funny.
Well done and good luck in the contest
Cecilia
Comment Written 17-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2024
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Thank you Cecelia for your kind review. Just a slice of naughty fun!
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You're welcome. Nothing wrong with naughty fun. It was a fun poem to read
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Take care and stay safe