Who stole the Pie.
A pie making contest is spolit with the theft of a pie4 total reviews
Comment from Beejay
I think I want to live in Sutton Poyntz..so pleased I chose to read "Who stole the pie" it was a breath of fresh air. A very clever alternative concept to the well known game.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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I think I want to live in Sutton Poyntz..so pleased I chose to read "Who stole the pie" it was a breath of fresh air. A very clever alternative concept to the well known game.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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It sounds like "Who Stole the Pie" truly captivated you with this twist on a classic concept! Sutton Poyntz is a real place near me in Dorset and it is indeed a lovely place Your enthusiasm for the story is infectious, and it's wonderful to hear how much you enjoyed it.
Take care
Comment from tfawcus
I enjoyed the Cluedo references and the subtle twists you gave to the names. I think it might be stronger to reveal the thief a couple of paragraphs later, after the Alsatian and seagull. Just a thought.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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I enjoyed the Cluedo references and the subtle twists you gave to the names. I think it might be stronger to reveal the thief a couple of paragraphs later, after the Alsatian and seagull. Just a thought.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your review.
Good idea, 👍🏿
Take care
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Thank you for your review.
Good idea, 👍🏿
Take care
Comment from Julie Helms
Edited. Rating bumped up.
I love how you adapted the iconic Clue game for your story. I had to look up Cluedo from your notes because I'd never heard it called that before. Cluedo is the original British name...learn something new everyday!
I have some suggestions for fixes:
eagerly engaging in animated discussions about which pie would ultimately secure the coveted (****) prize.
***There are computer gremlins at this spot because you used a symbol that didn't translate.
Day light robbery that what it is,
***Since this is speech, it could be dialectical. If not, it should be 'that's'.
"We need to examine the area for any potential clues that might reveal the truth behind this bizarre theft," suggested, his keen eyes scanning
***he suggested
a creature had **ventured outside**. "We should investigate the surroundings," he suggested, gesturing for the group to follow him as they **ventured outside**the marquee.
***repetitive phrasing.
I don't like Miss Scarletti, last week she reported me to the police for smoking a bit of weed
***This is a comma splice. Use a period instead to form two sentences: ....Scarletti. Last week...
Do you think he could have gotten away with the pie " he loves pies!"
***you put a quote within a quote. ...with the pie. He loves pies!"
I think you did a great job coming up with an appealing setting, a believable small-town cast of characters, and a humorous mystery to solve. It was fun to read!
Julie
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Edited. Rating bumped up.
I love how you adapted the iconic Clue game for your story. I had to look up Cluedo from your notes because I'd never heard it called that before. Cluedo is the original British name...learn something new everyday!
I have some suggestions for fixes:
eagerly engaging in animated discussions about which pie would ultimately secure the coveted (****) prize.
***There are computer gremlins at this spot because you used a symbol that didn't translate.
Day light robbery that what it is,
***Since this is speech, it could be dialectical. If not, it should be 'that's'.
"We need to examine the area for any potential clues that might reveal the truth behind this bizarre theft," suggested, his keen eyes scanning
***he suggested
a creature had **ventured outside**. "We should investigate the surroundings," he suggested, gesturing for the group to follow him as they **ventured outside**the marquee.
***repetitive phrasing.
I don't like Miss Scarletti, last week she reported me to the police for smoking a bit of weed
***This is a comma splice. Use a period instead to form two sentences: ....Scarletti. Last week...
Do you think he could have gotten away with the pie " he loves pies!"
***you put a quote within a quote. ...with the pie. He loves pies!"
I think you did a great job coming up with an appealing setting, a believable small-town cast of characters, and a humorous mystery to solve. It was fun to read!
Julie
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Hi Julie
Many thanks for your helpful review.
I note that in North America the game is called Clue!
All of your points are valid and I have corrected them all.
I have put myself on the naughty step for being so careless.
Take care
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Hey, great! I bumped you up to a 5.
Your computer gremlins are still on that first point. Not sure if you didn't see them, or if they're really just fighting you.
Great story!
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I have tried to obliterate those infernal but they still haunt me.
Thanks for the Upgrade
Blessings
Comment from elainec4
Amusing and very clever with the nod to Clue. Your work was very easy to read and comprehend. It made me smile, and I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Amusing and very clever with the nod to Clue. Your work was very easy to read and comprehend. It made me smile, and I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your kind review
Take care