Swimmer's Ear
Stories of the waves16 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is a wonderful read, Julie, that you convey so vividly that I can imagine every stage of your story. Some fantastic descriptive detail and imagery. I love the senior citizens with their arms like melting bubble-gum (superb!). Also, the seamless transition of your swim blending into the description of the boat. The conch, too, another dimension to your story which takes the reader into yet another realm. In short, this is an imaginative extravaganza and I really must get into swimming those everlasting laps you do and letting my mind drift away. Good luck! Debbie
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This is a wonderful read, Julie, that you convey so vividly that I can imagine every stage of your story. Some fantastic descriptive detail and imagery. I love the senior citizens with their arms like melting bubble-gum (superb!). Also, the seamless transition of your swim blending into the description of the boat. The conch, too, another dimension to your story which takes the reader into yet another realm. In short, this is an imaginative extravaganza and I really must get into swimming those everlasting laps you do and letting my mind drift away. Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
Comment from patcelaw
I enjoyed this poem very much and I wish you the very best with your writing and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a lovely day. One thing I really liked about the poem with your description of the elderly people in the class as they were taking swim lessons. Patricia
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I enjoyed this poem very much and I wish you the very best with your writing and I wish you the very best in the contest. May you have a lovely day. One thing I really liked about the poem with your description of the elderly people in the class as they were taking swim lessons. Patricia
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
Comment from Barry Penfold
What an interesting poem. Eighty-three laps of thought and you have a poem. Well, I will not be doing 83 laps of a swimming pool, so I will just be reading your poems. Well done and all the best for the contest.Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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What an interesting poem. Eighty-three laps of thought and you have a poem. Well, I will not be doing 83 laps of a swimming pool, so I will just be reading your poems. Well done and all the best for the contest.Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
Comment from Peter Jarvis
Your poem is a vivid and evocative journey, blending the physical act of swimming with rich, sensory imagery. The transitions between the present moment and the memories of paddling in the outrigger canoe are seamless, creating a dreamlike quality. The way you capture the environment around you--the senior citizens, the music, the sensations in the pool--adds depth and texture to the piece.
Writing poetry in a free-form style allows your thoughts to flow naturally, and you've done a wonderful job of letting your mind wander and capture those fleeting moments. The details about the Manuela Boy and your experience with the Hui Wa'a Association give the poem a personal touch, making it even more engaging.
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Your poem is a vivid and evocative journey, blending the physical act of swimming with rich, sensory imagery. The transitions between the present moment and the memories of paddling in the outrigger canoe are seamless, creating a dreamlike quality. The way you capture the environment around you--the senior citizens, the music, the sensations in the pool--adds depth and texture to the piece.
Writing poetry in a free-form style allows your thoughts to flow naturally, and you've done a wonderful job of letting your mind wander and capture those fleeting moments. The details about the Manuela Boy and your experience with the Hui Wa'a Association give the poem a personal touch, making it even more engaging.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
Comment from Trina Layne
I thought your overall piece was enjoyable. There were a few nice descriptions. I especially liked how you used the image of melting bubble gum. It worked well for me. Congrats on your writing!
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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I thought your overall piece was enjoyable. There were a few nice descriptions. I especially liked how you used the image of melting bubble gum. It worked well for me. Congrats on your writing!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! Your specificity is very appreciated!!
Comment from Tim Margetts
Well, Julie,
This was quite an entertaining journey, from swimming to surfing the waves in a canoe, and then dancing along with Whitney. All full of vivid imagery.
My favourite line is
my wet suit clings to me like a sleek, damp placenta
This is such a visual metafore, slightly gross but also, well done and unusual.
Thank you for sharing
Tim x
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Well, Julie,
This was quite an entertaining journey, from swimming to surfing the waves in a canoe, and then dancing along with Whitney. All full of vivid imagery.
My favourite line is
my wet suit clings to me like a sleek, damp placenta
This is such a visual metafore, slightly gross but also, well done and unusual.
Thank you for sharing
Tim x
Comment Written 12-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! Your specificity is very appreciated!
Comment from DonandVicki
Writing this excellent poem while swimming laps, now thats something I have trouble visualizing, just kidding. I enjoyed the poem very much. Good write.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Writing this excellent poem while swimming laps, now thats something I have trouble visualizing, just kidding. I enjoyed the poem very much. Good write.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Haha! I know -I had to scramble out and get dry enough to get all my thoughts quickly onto my phone notes! Then they just kept coming on the ride home.
Comment from jake cosmos aller
great poem about entering a swimming contest at a ripe old age. I liked the description, the flow and the message of just doing it and entering the contest
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great poem about entering a swimming contest at a ripe old age. I liked the description, the flow and the message of just doing it and entering the contest
Comment Written 11-Dec-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Once upon a time I would have been right there beside you as the cannonball, skimming the bottom and surging upward like the mermaid or the porpoise, but alas now, i am one of those senior citizens with melting bubble gum skin trying to keep up with the 80's beat. A lovely poem that touches on so many aspects of a swimmer in the pool.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Once upon a time I would have been right there beside you as the cannonball, skimming the bottom and surging upward like the mermaid or the porpoise, but alas now, i am one of those senior citizens with melting bubble gum skin trying to keep up with the 80's beat. A lovely poem that touches on so many aspects of a swimmer in the pool.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 11-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! Your specificity is very appreciated, and you sound like a kindred soul!
Comment from estory
There's a jumble of images here in this poem, and the kalaidascope feel of the experience is much like the feel of real time experience, I believe. We have the daydreaming swimmer diving in and moving rhythmically through her strokes into a world of music and Polynesian explorers. Then we have the old man she sees before she dives in. There's this strong contrast between reality and the limits of our experience, and the freedom and hope of our dreams. This one line "My wetsuit clings like a sleek, damp placenta" is mysterious, taking us into the experience of birth and postpartum. It's like an entire lifespan captured in a brief experience. We are confronted with processing it as it slipstreams into our consciousness and it is hard to come to conclusions. As it is in real life. estory
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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There's a jumble of images here in this poem, and the kalaidascope feel of the experience is much like the feel of real time experience, I believe. We have the daydreaming swimmer diving in and moving rhythmically through her strokes into a world of music and Polynesian explorers. Then we have the old man she sees before she dives in. There's this strong contrast between reality and the limits of our experience, and the freedom and hope of our dreams. This one line "My wetsuit clings like a sleek, damp placenta" is mysterious, taking us into the experience of birth and postpartum. It's like an entire lifespan captured in a brief experience. We are confronted with processing it as it slipstreams into our consciousness and it is hard to come to conclusions. As it is in real life. estory
Comment Written 11-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! Your specificity is very appreciated, as are your insightful comments!