Screams of the Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Final Threshold"In the dark, the screams never stop.
2 total reviews
Comment from Begin Again
Okay, have we reached a point now where the creatures, the running, the falling and the fear are going to stop repeating over and over? Decision time! Does she open the case to discover what it is or does she leave it, take it, or die?
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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Okay, have we reached a point now where the creatures, the running, the falling and the fear are going to stop repeating over and over? Decision time! Does she open the case to discover what it is or does she leave it, take it, or die?
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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all most there
Comment from lancellot
A very descriptive chapter (maybe too much). Painting the scene is important but story is more. I would recommend checking over the paragraph spacings too. Good work.
notes:
The chamber collapsed behind Sarah, the roar of splitting stone and screaming shadows chasing her into the void.
-The chamber collapsed behind Sarah, the roar of splitting stone and screaming shadows chased her into the void.
The path wasn't steady. It writhed like a living thing, rippling under her weight.
-or-
The path wasn't steady. It writhed like a serpent, rippling and undulating under her weight.
She didn't dare look back;
-or-
She dared not look back;
"You've carried it this far," it said, its voice low and resonant. "But now, you must decide."
Sarah's grip on the case tightened. "Decide what?"
-"You've carried it this far," it said, its voice low and resonant. "But now, you must decide."
Sarah's grip on the case tightened. "Decide what
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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A very descriptive chapter (maybe too much). Painting the scene is important but story is more. I would recommend checking over the paragraph spacings too. Good work.
notes:
The chamber collapsed behind Sarah, the roar of splitting stone and screaming shadows chasing her into the void.
-The chamber collapsed behind Sarah, the roar of splitting stone and screaming shadows chased her into the void.
The path wasn't steady. It writhed like a living thing, rippling under her weight.
-or-
The path wasn't steady. It writhed like a serpent, rippling and undulating under her weight.
She didn't dare look back;
-or-
She dared not look back;
"You've carried it this far," it said, its voice low and resonant. "But now, you must decide."
Sarah's grip on the case tightened. "Decide what?"
-"You've carried it this far," it said, its voice low and resonant. "But now, you must decide."
Sarah's grip on the case tightened. "Decide what
Comment Written 09-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2024
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oh yes, suttle changes but big differences, thanks
