Oh Life!
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Con Joy!"Experiences of living
70 total reviews
Comment from Agrona
Interesting material and layout. I'm not a poet, but this feels more like a short story with incomplete sentences.
It is a powerful piece, don't get me wrong and it is certainly appropriate for this day and age. Intolerance will be the downfall of humanity. Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2006
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Interesting material and layout. I'm not a poet, but this feels more like a short story with incomplete sentences.
It is a powerful piece, don't get me wrong and it is certainly appropriate for this day and age. Intolerance will be the downfall of humanity. Well done.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2006
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I'm afraid you did not read Author's Notes and the poem thoroughly. Would you be kind enough to let me know where you found incomplete sentences and I hope you should let me know for my improvement and learning, hope you don't get me wrong and I suggest you to re-read it and consider your review that would at least clarify your statement. Thanks for the review. Thanking you in advance for reconsidering your viewpoint.
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I was thinking more of fragmented sentences in connection with prose. I also said that I am not a poet and I tried to rate your "poem" in an objective manner. I can not find a rythm in this poem and therefore I looked at it from a prose POV. There are commas after almost every other line, and if you would merge those into a sentence, the structure would not work and feel fragmented. I hope this explains my review and rating. Thanks.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Wow... I am very impressed with this. I was at first thinking I'd have to wait to read it(it's long and I'm on vacation...lol) but I am glad I decided to. This was obviously very well thought out and very well done. Nice work!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Wow... I am very impressed with this. I was at first thinking I'd have to wait to read it(it's long and I'm on vacation...lol) but I am glad I decided to. This was obviously very well thought out and very well done. Nice work!
Comment Written 17-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU.
Comment from Ainsley_Jo_Phillips
An interesting study in human nature and what some people will do in the name of Allan/God/etc. that really isn't His will for us at all. There is no real and lasting glory in blood and gore...
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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An interesting study in human nature and what some people will do in the name of Allan/God/etc. that really isn't His will for us at all. There is no real and lasting glory in blood and gore...
Comment Written 17-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS REVIEW.
Comment from RaymondJohn
I can well imagine these conversations from the terrorist's point of view. The sick glee at the murder of many hundreds of victims is hard to imagine from any point of view. What would be their response if someone had callously murdered their family in a market place? That satan had struck them? Violence only leads to death and destruction, and nowhere else. As one Arab said, the only way to fight this is to make them see that the fate of their children and grandchildren is more important than the evils they wish to fight. The Arabic terms are especially effective in this. First rate work. Thanks for an outstanding job. Ray.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I can well imagine these conversations from the terrorist's point of view. The sick glee at the murder of many hundreds of victims is hard to imagine from any point of view. What would be their response if someone had callously murdered their family in a market place? That satan had struck them? Violence only leads to death and destruction, and nowhere else. As one Arab said, the only way to fight this is to make them see that the fate of their children and grandchildren is more important than the evils they wish to fight. The Arabic terms are especially effective in this. First rate work. Thanks for an outstanding job. Ray.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THIS EXCELLENT REVIEW WITH AWESOME APPRECIATION I DO APPRECIATE.
Comment from yespabee
I think it is more dangerous than what we think!.The ghost created by human being named 'religion' is on it's move.None other discrimination is having that intensity to shake the roots of humanity.For, only religion can teach what is humanity!. This is not a 'study' but the everyday observations while living in India.Religion was able to divide the whole country into two physical parts!!.Our 'lifelines' are also at the highest risks today .Anyway, what to write more? God must be observing everything.He will take His own actions at right time.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I think it is more dangerous than what we think!.The ghost created by human being named 'religion' is on it's move.None other discrimination is having that intensity to shake the roots of humanity.For, only religion can teach what is humanity!. This is not a 'study' but the everyday observations while living in India.Religion was able to divide the whole country into two physical parts!!.Our 'lifelines' are also at the highest risks today .Anyway, what to write more? God must be observing everything.He will take His own actions at right time.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS NICE REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE AND I AM GLAD AT GLIMPSES OF YOUR INDIAN PHILOSOPHIC ESSENCE..
Comment from 1archangel
When I read this, I was brought back to those visions of the twin towers falling - to the constant re-playing of the planes crashing into the first and then the second tower - the papers flying out of buildings, the people screaming, etc. Although five years have past, in my mind, it was yesterday when eveything changed. Your poem is so very powerful. These times are so - so beyond frightening. Sometimes, it doesn't even feel real - it doesn't seem that human beings are so hell bent on destruction all in the name of their "God" - anyway, I got off the track, sorry.
Your writing speaks loud and clear; it surely evokes emotion. There is nothing I can say that's negative about it. Your talent is showing beautifully.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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When I read this, I was brought back to those visions of the twin towers falling - to the constant re-playing of the planes crashing into the first and then the second tower - the papers flying out of buildings, the people screaming, etc. Although five years have past, in my mind, it was yesterday when eveything changed. Your poem is so very powerful. These times are so - so beyond frightening. Sometimes, it doesn't even feel real - it doesn't seem that human beings are so hell bent on destruction all in the name of their "God" - anyway, I got off the track, sorry.
Your writing speaks loud and clear; it surely evokes emotion. There is nothing I can say that's negative about it. Your talent is showing beautifully.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS FOR SUCH A PROFESSIONAL REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE MUCH.
Comment from JLSwan
This poem leaves me aghast, I'm not sure if that is good or bad, it is interesting, but does diverse somewhat. I could feel though your urgency to display your thoughts in your writing about this horrific tragedy.
My Best JLS
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2006
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This poem leaves me aghast, I'm not sure if that is good or bad, it is interesting, but does diverse somewhat. I could feel though your urgency to display your thoughts in your writing about this horrific tragedy.
My Best JLS
Comment Written 16-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2006
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I'm afraid I don't understand what are you talking about. You are contradicting yourself. You missed Author's Notes. I only wanted a challenging review. I would request you to re-read and reconsider your review clarifying yourself. Thanks for the review and thanking you in advance.. .
Excuse me, Ease up there, you are not suppose to review the reviewer, maybe you should re-read my review, That's my opinion and I sticking to it. That is how it made me feel, and I did read the Authors notes...
My Best
JLS
Comment from zhaphyr
I hate this poem. That doesn't mean it isn't good. You say it contains no religious attack, it is packed full of hate, hate of blindly obsessed religious fervor, and not just a little of your own hate for the kind of vicious mindset it takes to carry out such horror. I'm not remonstrating you or criticizing your work. I don't have time or energy to accurately describe it's full impact, just the fact that you have a way of presenting the unpleasant as it is. Cold and hard. Just the way none of us like it. You are one good poet.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I hate this poem. That doesn't mean it isn't good. You say it contains no religious attack, it is packed full of hate, hate of blindly obsessed religious fervor, and not just a little of your own hate for the kind of vicious mindset it takes to carry out such horror. I'm not remonstrating you or criticizing your work. I don't have time or energy to accurately describe it's full impact, just the fact that you have a way of presenting the unpleasant as it is. Cold and hard. Just the way none of us like it. You are one good poet.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR SUCH AN HONEST REVIEW WITH GLOWING VOICE I APPRECIATE MUCH.
YOUR GRACE, HONOR, RECOGNITION AND APPRECIATION ARE A MATTER OF PRIDE TO MY MODE OF EXPRESSION.
WITH BEST WISHES.
Comment from mayflowerbg
Hi, ACW!
In my country it's a tradition to write long poems on important occasions, so I'm not surprised at the lenghth of yours. Our poets often use free verse the way you did here.
I liked your imagery, the word choices are unique and the metaphors - outstanding:
Demoralized Black Panther State is limping;
Dark Titanic city ship is drowning,
Lava smoke last world wonder is kissing my lips,
I have two suggestions:
1.
"Undoubtfully, you are, indeed,>>>> Beyond question / doubtless / beyond any doubt
O my Master, the global emperor!
What's our next mission, sir?"
2.
In your author's notes include translation of the non-English phrases. Not all people know what they mean.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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Hi, ACW!
In my country it's a tradition to write long poems on important occasions, so I'm not surprised at the lenghth of yours. Our poets often use free verse the way you did here.
I liked your imagery, the word choices are unique and the metaphors - outstanding:
Demoralized Black Panther State is limping;
Dark Titanic city ship is drowning,
Lava smoke last world wonder is kissing my lips,
I have two suggestions:
1.
"Undoubtfully, you are, indeed,>>>> Beyond question / doubtless / beyond any doubt
O my Master, the global emperor!
What's our next mission, sir?"
2.
In your author's notes include translation of the non-English phrases. Not all people know what they mean.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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THANKS A LOT FOR THIS WONDERFUL REVIEW AND ADVICE I DO APPRECIATE. YOU WOULD APPRECIATE I MENTIONED MY INTENTION FOR NOT WRITING MEANING TO NON-ENGLISH WORDS FOR I USED ONLY THE MOST COMMON GLOBAL WORDS.
THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR POINTING AT.
WITH BEST WISHES.
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Hi, ACW! I know some of the words, but not all of them. Using them gives colour to the poem, I wouldn't like them being replaced, just some notes on the meaning, to spare me looking them up on the Net.
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Thanks a lot; I do appreciate your suggestion; it might have been clearer to some readers.
Your suggestion has always been honored for you offer it rationally; since my ultimate purpose was to offer more reading pleasure alongwith new words for I know the subject is so widely popular and the matter is so well understood, I decided to offer no meaning to the words for those are the most popular words and each word has been substituted following the word, for example Suban Allah (Allah the Almighty) that is why I decided not to give further meaning in Author's Notes.
Your point of view is appreciable indeed for even more reading pleasure and I do recognize that as explained. Right you are. A few chosen words with meaning must have helped the readers better.
Thank you once again for looking into the right perspective and offering suggestion in a right order.
With best wishes.
Comment from Soaring Eagle1
I had some trouble understanding what you wrote. I felt that perhaps you were trying to send a message via Fanstoy. i find it a little to long for poetry, even a sonnet genrally never goes over eighteen lines, to me it was more lik a speech. I like the color of the background. However, it took me longer than one minute to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I had some trouble understanding what you wrote. I felt that perhaps you were trying to send a message via Fanstoy. i find it a little to long for poetry, even a sonnet genrally never goes over eighteen lines, to me it was more lik a speech. I like the color of the background. However, it took me longer than one minute to read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Aug-2006
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006
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I AM SORRY I CANNOT ACKNOWLEDGE THIS FOR I WANTED A CHALLENGING REVIEW BUT YOU MADE A MESS AND EXPRESSED UNSOLICITED ASSUMPTION WITH FAKE ALLEGATIONS INSTEAD..
