Comment from azulazul

Excellent

ALCREATOR WRITER,

I do believe you have outdone yourself here. The flow increases as you continue stating the events. The point of view from the other side is what would be expected. It shocks but we also will do it the same or even in a more passionate way. This so vivid, so full of fury in some part and the style is different not just in the words, but in projecting the message.
You have created a fast pace, showing how things happen and change in a split second like they did at 9:ll You have allowed us to see from the character's perspective or the other side. It brought the picture shown on TV about how women were celebrating with the shouting and the shrilling of the tongue as they shouted in joy. This is certainly a most powerful poetry narrative. For all we need to see, hear or read it is not enough to shock us into being more aware of what is going on in the world. This is a fiction that speaks a lot of truth.
I commend you in your writing and your passion.
I bet you got what you wanted out of this.

 Comment Written 21-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2013

thanks for marvellous professional review
greatly appreciated
sorry for the late

Comment from thedarkhorse

Good

Well this is like a huge story and i tend to lose some focos in these as i read but wasn't too bad, if poetry couldn't seem to catch the flow of it though.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2006

Thanks but I expected a challenging review also from a standard member. .

Comment from Mrs Jones

Excellent

I am truly impressed Al. I think you have done a great job on this. I have quite a bit of knowledge of the Arab people and your expressions are very well done. I was fascinated by the write and read it a few times.

Good work
Cheers
Rose

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS, RIGHT YOU ARE, I DO APPRECIATE.

Comment from Rhymiin

Average

I really tried to get into this poem or shall I say essay. It's too busy for me to keep track of. I tried reading paragraphs over and over again, but still didn't quite understand. I really like the story line, but perhaps re wording or editing could help this alot. Have a blessed day.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2006

Thanks but I wanted only a challenging review, perhaps you did not read Author's Notes, anyway, thank you once again for trying, though I can disclaim this review, as I mentioned in Aithor's Notes. I never surprise, of 70 reviews, you are the first person who tried reading the poem severally but did not understand and I thank you once again for your honesty that I did not find in other reviewers. I do not wonder but astonish to note that you 'really like' the story line and once again I thank you for that much of appreciation but I cannot accept your advice, again, all I mentioned in the Author's Notes and you perhaps missed those lines. But I can thank you for good wishes.

Comment from Hetty

Excellent

Hi Alcreator,
~And yes, you certainly all-created this one!
Fast and furious pace, in perfect harmony with the subject matter - a feeling of control being lost in fanatical emotions. The repetition of 'Sir' and 'Amen' help the reader to put themselves in the mind of the terrorist; subordinate and overly zealous with their religion.

I think this is extraordinary writing and thank you for pointing me in the right direction to read this.

"O sir, vividly I can see all!
Screaming voice orange is tempting me,
Demolishing milky sound is embracing my heart,
Blackish smoky Biryaani is spraying fragrance,
Lava smoke last world wonder is kissing my lips,
Fire blazing historian is writing history, "

now THAT's visuals!

Couple of things for you to ponder.

Not sure if it should be "awed by" or "awed with". Maybe worth checking out.
Loosing or losing? Sort of like either but if using 'loosing' may need to be 'loosening'.
Bonny mountains or boney mountains?

Also there are a lot of 'are's' in this piece. I am currently reading about syllables and their importance from the long ones to the very short. I think I like them in this because they do keep the pace consistent. Just a thought.

Well Al, this is really quite a piece of work. Something you should be very proud of. As far as my religious point of view is concerned, I am always willing to look at both sides - for without doing this, how can we have an informed opinion? So yes, I enjoyed reading this (for both its points of view) immensely.
I am in awe!
Hetty x

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS FOR THIS PROFESSIONAL REVIEW WITH HONEST CONFESSION AND APPRECIATION I DO APPRECIATE VERY MUCH.

Comment from BeautysMessenger

Excellent

I'll take your plea for open mindedness to heart.

Interestingly, all have motivation and point of view, even those seen as the enemy. Because each side views the other as the enemy. Thematically then nothing goes wrong here.

Also, for me, of all the poems, I've read in your body of work, this one is the most passionate. I feel the joy of the Jihadists as they graphically celebrate their victory. As a poet, this is all one is trying to achieve is it not? To create an emotional response in the reader. How interesting and courageous it is to take a fictional look at the other side of things. To try to look through the eyes of a fanatic in his moment of joy.

Thanks for this post and allowing review.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS A LOT FOR THIS PROFESSIONAL REVIEW I DO APPRECIATE MUCH.

OBVIOUS YOU DESERVE FOR THE SCREEN NAME.

Comment from drivenbackward

Excellent

Based on your author's notes, I don't really know what I can do for you. If it's for reading enjoyment then I can say that it was definitely intriguing, but maybe a bit long. Then again, as a story writer, I believe in the fewest words possible to tell a story. I don't think poetry works the same way.

In an enchanting smiling across the sky, my lord,

Take care.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS FOR THIS REVIEW AND ADVICE.

IT IS EVIDENT AND I MENTIONED YOUR POINTS IN MY AUTHOR'S NOTES. YOU SUPPORTED MY VIEWS, THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN.

Comment from Donaya Haymond

Excellent

Am I allowed to give a review of simple praise? I saw nothing that needed changed. Religion itself is a beautiful thing, but when it is used as an excuse for hate and cruelty it becomes the most disgraceful, polluted thing in the world.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS FOR THIS HONEST REVIEW.

Comment from Aleksandramarie

Excellent

I found this complex and assaulting
piece, one for the history books and
as well as our senses.

You define in 'other' terms a look
from the other side.

While it is an excellent piece, I think
the length belabors itself, and becomes redundant.

continued terrorist attacks are of course a real
threat and the distasteful view of the
'other side' might help us to resolve to
be viligent in our own backyard, besides
the ineffectual, romping we seem to be doing
allover the world.

could use a trim here and there.... thanks, mspotter

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANKS A LOT FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL POETIC REVIEW I LIKE IT VERY MUCH.

Comment from kintesiegel

Excellent

This is powerful and dark work on a very complex subject. You have the right vocabulary to deal with the chaos this issue brings.

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2006

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2006

THANK YOU.