Screams of the Shadows
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Exchange"In the dark, the screams never stop.
1 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I'm not sure if I've read any previous chapters or not but one thing you might want to consider is adding a background / before section type blurb at the beginning to help readers keep on track. Even with a following, most folk on site read multiple books / stories so a little refresh is helpful and can also entice new readers to check a piece out.
There s some errant code scattered throughout (those weird a-type things)
Be careful with adverb usage. A stronger verb can usually be chosen to convey the same meaning. here for example - clutching the case tightly. - clutching is good. It could also be grasped / clamped etc. If the verb is strong enough the adverb generally isn't needed.
There's a lot of good stuff in this instalment. The pacing is impressive and it ramps up after drawing out the tension early on. There may a hint of over-reliance on adverbs in the end sections but still engaging.
Nice
GMG
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Hi there,
I'm not sure if I've read any previous chapters or not but one thing you might want to consider is adding a background / before section type blurb at the beginning to help readers keep on track. Even with a following, most folk on site read multiple books / stories so a little refresh is helpful and can also entice new readers to check a piece out.
There s some errant code scattered throughout (those weird a-type things)
Be careful with adverb usage. A stronger verb can usually be chosen to convey the same meaning. here for example - clutching the case tightly. - clutching is good. It could also be grasped / clamped etc. If the verb is strong enough the adverb generally isn't needed.
There's a lot of good stuff in this instalment. The pacing is impressive and it ramps up after drawing out the tension early on. There may a hint of over-reliance on adverbs in the end sections but still engaging.
Nice
GMG
Comment Written 05-Dec-2024
