All Hallows Eve
A Halloween Poem5 total reviews
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Ronald,
First off, welcome to Fan Story. I think you will like it here. There are a ton of very talented authors who will help you along the way if you need.
This being your first poem it's great. It rhymes nicely and tells a story from start to finish.
Great job
Cecilia
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Ronald,
First off, welcome to Fan Story. I think you will like it here. There are a ton of very talented authors who will help you along the way if you need.
This being your first poem it's great. It rhymes nicely and tells a story from start to finish.
Great job
Cecilia
Comment Written 01-Dec-2024
Comment from karenina
Welcome to Fanstory! Your story in a poem is interesting.
Visually, it's A bit overwhelming, though.
Maybe consider breaking it into stanzas or couplets?
I feel the "beat" of the poem...
You move it along at a pleasing pace.
Enjoy!
Settle in!
Karenina
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Welcome to Fanstory! Your story in a poem is interesting.
Visually, it's A bit overwhelming, though.
Maybe consider breaking it into stanzas or couplets?
I feel the "beat" of the poem...
You move it along at a pleasing pace.
Enjoy!
Settle in!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much Karenina.
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My pleasure!
Comment from lancellot
This is nice. The rhymes and near-rhymes are good. The story itself may need additional content and fleshing out if possible. For starters, the reader does not know who the "we" encompasses. The reader didn't know any children were there to get taken. The reader doesn't know why the little man said to give the children to him, if that wasn't required for him take. It all seemed too much like a dream, so at that the ending wasn't a surprise.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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This is nice. The rhymes and near-rhymes are good. The story itself may need additional content and fleshing out if possible. For starters, the reader does not know who the "we" encompasses. The reader didn't know any children were there to get taken. The reader doesn't know why the little man said to give the children to him, if that wasn't required for him take. It all seemed too much like a dream, so at that the ending wasn't a surprise.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Definitely a good story here.... the poem part needs a little polish. First, choose a rhyme scheme then format accordingly (see below). Second, try starting out by counting syllables per line and find a rhythm to use throughout the poem: 8-6-8-6 or 8-4-6-4 or 8-8 couplets or 10-10 couplets or anything, but be consistent from stanza to stanza. Great imagination and surprise at the end! :-) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;)
(ABCB)
I'll tell y'all a story
that is hard to believe,
but it happened on this night
called All Hallows Eve.
Now on this night
so long ago,
we came upon a place
that we did not know.
OR
(couplets)
I'll tell y'all a story that is hard to believe,
but it happened on this night called All Hallows Eve.
Now on this night so long ago,
we came upon a place that we did not know.
 |
Definitely a good story here.... the poem part needs a little polish. First, choose a rhyme scheme then format accordingly (see below). Second, try starting out by counting syllables per line and find a rhythm to use throughout the poem: 8-6-8-6 or 8-4-6-4 or 8-8 couplets or 10-10 couplets or anything, but be consistent from stanza to stanza. Great imagination and surprise at the end! :-) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;)
(ABCB)
I'll tell y'all a story
that is hard to believe,
but it happened on this night
called All Hallows Eve.
Now on this night
so long ago,
we came upon a place
that we did not know.
OR
(couplets)
I'll tell y'all a story that is hard to believe,
but it happened on this night called All Hallows Eve.
Now on this night so long ago,
we came upon a place that we did not know.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2024
Comment from royowen
Oh yes, don't fall asleep, you may not have the necessary dreams to Jeep you sane, and mentally healthy at all! Although I haven't really seen very small men, well not the ones that steal kids, but all one needs to do is say Rumpelstiltskin, and all will be well, beautifully written and welcome to FS, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Oh yes, don't fall asleep, you may not have the necessary dreams to Jeep you sane, and mentally healthy at all! Although I haven't really seen very small men, well not the ones that steal kids, but all one needs to do is say Rumpelstiltskin, and all will be well, beautifully written and welcome to FS, blessings Roy
Comment Written 30-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Thank you for reading. I appreciate your review.
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Well done