Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

I was surprised at how horrible Dana had been as she told her story, especially stealing from a teenager. I found it interesting that she has been brought forward from a previous novel.

I grew up in Philadelphia, and stayed there until I retired. I am familiar with Altoona and Pittsburgh. I had heard of Butler, but was never there.

I'm enjoying the story and all the possibilities.

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2024

Dana had a difficult upbringing in the novel in which she was the villain. As usual, her parents were largely responsible for the poor values instilled in her. It all came to a head following that golf match where she stole the suit and used it to beat Abby. Then it was time to finally take an honest look at herself.

There's a character in the present story who similarly needs to take a hard look at herself.

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter, Jim. I was captivated by Dana's story and even began to dislike her for a moment. It goes to show that anyone can change. Fran was smart not to confirm or deny.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024

This backstory comes from one of my earlier books in which she was quite the villain of the story. She's become a different woman than she was. Let's see if Marie will have a similar fate.

reply by Neonewman on 26-Nov-2024

That's cool. The jury is still out on Marie, lol.

Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary

Excellent

Jim,

This is a great chapter in your book. This is only the second chapter I have read though. I'm kind of picking up where the chapter ended the last time.
Any how it flows quite nicely and easy to follow.

Well Done

Cecilia

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024

Thank you very much, Cecilia. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. This particular chapter gave a lot of backstory about Dana who was a villain in a previous story but has largely turned herself around with the help of Abby, who we will see a bit later in this story.

reply by Cecilia A Heiskary on 25-Nov-2024

Jim,

You're welcome. Look forward to more chapters.

Cecilia

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Good old Dana, but I do remember she was a repentant Dana, and being basically good underneath the externals, she turned over a new leaf, but she's still not outer than the snow yet, and Fran maybe turned her head, and perhaps, dobbing in here nasty employers, beautifully written, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024

Thanks, Roy. Dana certainly has turned over a new leaf, although I hate to change her personality too much. She can still be rather crude and caustic at times even though she's now capable of doing good things, like keeping an eye on her employer.

reply by royowen on 25-Nov-2024

That's right

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

An interesting chapter, Jim as we learnt Dana's background story from her own life and what has brought her to the decision she's about to make. Well done, cheers
Valda

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024

Thanks, Valda. I know this was a rather lengthy backstory, but I hope it was interesting. It also served the purpose of introducing us to another character who we will soon encounter.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

So Fran is recruiting Dana as a spy here? I have heard that some drug companies are less than honest about the side effects of many drugs as they concentrate on sales rather than offering the customer an honest service. I have worked for companies that I haven't had faith in and it is difficult if they are also immoral, another fine chapter Jim. love Dolly x

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024

It does create a moral dilemma when you work for a company that goes against your values. But rather than just quit, Fran has talked Dana into staying and being her eyes and ears and reporting anything that looks illegal. This can take some real bravery, as some of these companies really play dirty.

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Exceptional

Well this all ties up beautifully! By telling the truth to Dana, Fran has now won her confidence (she was deeply suspicious before anyway). This has now opened the door to Dana's story which she tells in more detail than simply the highlights. And, lo and behold, there's a name that rings a bell - Abby St Claire. And Dana, of course, was the temporary thief of the golfing suit! Now a reformed character, she's ideal for some ethical espionage. And it looks like the clever inventor, Abby, will be featuring soon.
I know there was a lot to be said in Dana's back story, but I wondered if it could be edited down slightly, especially as she promised the highlights and those readers, not familiar with Abby, might find this a bit too much of a digression at this stage?
But it looks like Fran has been very smart here and has found herself a great ally in this complex effort to get the gen on who is now in possession of the patent. Speed is of the essence.
Wonderful story, linking up strong characters from the past and setting the scene for some creative and, potentially, dangerous investigation. Well done, Jim. Take care Debbie

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Nov-2024

I just can't seem to resist bringing Abby into my novels. She's always been a favorite character of mine. I agree the backstory may be a bit long, especially for new readers. It's always a challenge as to how much to give. I figure if it's interesting, the readers won't mind it too much even though it may leave them wondering how this might be relevant to the story.

Some of what I presented, especially in regards to the golfing suit, is to give some context for what will come soon in establishing Abby's bona-fides because, as you correctly surmised, she will join the plot soon.

Thanks for your thoughtful analysis and those 6 stars too, Debbie. Much appreciated.

Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Jim,
well done on this chapter. It was very interesting. I loved how you took us through the whole transformation of Dana, the way she used to be and her repentance and turning her life around.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Nov-2024

Thanks, Tom. She was a fun character to develop in the original story she was in. Like one of those mean girls in the movie by that name. We got to see why she was the way she was in that story. As usual, it was her family background and the values her parents instilled in her.

Through this backstory, I got to introduce Abby, who will appear later in this story (as she has in most of my novels.) She's probably my favorite character of all time.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Yes! Of course, I remember Abby! I had no idea that you were going to connect this book with your golf novel. As soon as Dana started telling her story, I recognized who she was. What a great message of redemption, that people can truly change when met with grace and truth.

 Comment Written 24-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Nov-2024

I love to connect my stories, although the links can be tenuous at times.

Who knows? Maybe there will even be some hope for Marie in this one.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

This is a great chapter as Dana admits to her previous bad habits and then admits to Fran that her learning experience has made her uncomfortable with working for a drug company that plans to talk trash about Fran's brother's new wonder drug. I am not sure why Fran wants her to watch what her company is doing. Surely as a legitimate company they would not make the dangerous form of the drug. Or am I being naive?

 Comment Written 23-Nov-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Nov-2024

No, it isn't that so much as that she figures Big Pharma might me capable of more than just smears against Glyptophan. She would just like some early warning of that so that Brian can take some preventative action.