The Christmas Baby
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "An Unholy Alliance"Sam n Sarah get a baby with dire consequences
8 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is an interesting chapter. I guess all of us who have volunteered or worked for one or more charities have a tendency to get 'attached' or 'obsessed' to a degree with one or more of the people involved. Sometimes--just like Sam--we think, if we could just take them home to a functional house, they might think more of themselves or be more open to assistance. Drug abuse always messes up the continuity of receiving or asking for assistance. Sometimes people we want to help look like a near or distant relative, perhaps. I see other reviewers have pointed out different things, but I noticed this:
He drove past the Syracuse University dome and then the hospital where his wife slept on the 3rd floor of the maternity ward.
You can spell out third floor. That way it doesn't look like an abbreviation.
And here: "You all right Tay?" A voice came from a black man who held up a broke two by four meant for the fire.
I would put a comma after right. I would change broke to broken and put a hyphen in-between two-by-four.
She may have expected Sam to pull into an all-night Diner in Syracuse.
You can un-capitalize diner.
I would put a comma after the word 'head' in the concluding sentence of this chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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This is an interesting chapter. I guess all of us who have volunteered or worked for one or more charities have a tendency to get 'attached' or 'obsessed' to a degree with one or more of the people involved. Sometimes--just like Sam--we think, if we could just take them home to a functional house, they might think more of themselves or be more open to assistance. Drug abuse always messes up the continuity of receiving or asking for assistance. Sometimes people we want to help look like a near or distant relative, perhaps. I see other reviewers have pointed out different things, but I noticed this:
He drove past the Syracuse University dome and then the hospital where his wife slept on the 3rd floor of the maternity ward.
You can spell out third floor. That way it doesn't look like an abbreviation.
And here: "You all right Tay?" A voice came from a black man who held up a broke two by four meant for the fire.
I would put a comma after right. I would change broke to broken and put a hyphen in-between two-by-four.
She may have expected Sam to pull into an all-night Diner in Syracuse.
You can un-capitalize diner.
I would put a comma after the word 'head' in the concluding sentence of this chapter.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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Thanks for this. Sorry for the delay
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is well written and gives a good view of the people involved. I got all seven of my kids from 3 women who could not care for them, so this sounds very realistic to me. All 3 women were in shelters at one time or another and they depended on more than ten useless men. The ten-year-old girl we adopted had been in 23 homes and shelters before we got her. I certainly understand his wife's POV and you have only mentioned her once. I will look for more of this interesting story.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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This is well written and gives a good view of the people involved. I got all seven of my kids from 3 women who could not care for them, so this sounds very realistic to me. All 3 women were in shelters at one time or another and they depended on more than ten useless men. The ten-year-old girl we adopted had been in 23 homes and shelters before we got her. I certainly understand his wife's POV and you have only mentioned her once. I will look for more of this interesting story.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Thanks Carol. My heart is always in redemption stories. It's the kind of plot that keeps me going until the finish line. Appreciate it most when you mention the realism factor I strive for... Blessings around the bend.
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written and it was a pleasure to listen to your sentence structure your paragraph and your punctuation all makes for a very good read. May you have a wonderful day and have a wonderful weekend. Patricia.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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This is very well written and it was a pleasure to listen to your sentence structure your paragraph and your punctuation all makes for a very good read. May you have a wonderful day and have a wonderful weekend. Patricia.
Comment Written 21-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much Pat.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really like this story. You're doing a great job telling it.
Sam tapped on the big security window. It surprised her. She turned from her desk and opened the door. "Sam, I didn't know you would come out. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel you needed to be here."
"I'm here if you need me. I just want to be sure Taylor's not out in this weather. It would be too risky to be out in this and be pregnant." (Two dialogues in one paragraph, they each need their own.)
Sam, what about Ruth? Did she have the baby?" (missing beginning quotation marks)
"I'm so sorry Sam. Did this just happen?" Please sit for a moment. Rest yourself. I have some paperwork you can sign." (omit quotation marks after 'happen?')
. It prompted the guy next to her to take his flask and retreat into the shadows " (guy beside her)
"You all right Tay?" A voice came from a black man who held up a broke two by four meant for the fire. & "That right Tay?" (right, Tay?)
is forehead sweated in the cold "Let me get you to a hotel somewhere. (cold.)
"I'm hungry," she blurted out." (omit quotation marks after 'out.')
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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I really like this story. You're doing a great job telling it.
Sam tapped on the big security window. It surprised her. She turned from her desk and opened the door. "Sam, I didn't know you would come out. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to feel you needed to be here."
"I'm here if you need me. I just want to be sure Taylor's not out in this weather. It would be too risky to be out in this and be pregnant." (Two dialogues in one paragraph, they each need their own.)
Sam, what about Ruth? Did she have the baby?" (missing beginning quotation marks)
"I'm so sorry Sam. Did this just happen?" Please sit for a moment. Rest yourself. I have some paperwork you can sign." (omit quotation marks after 'happen?')
. It prompted the guy next to her to take his flask and retreat into the shadows " (guy beside her)
"You all right Tay?" A voice came from a black man who held up a broke two by four meant for the fire. & "That right Tay?" (right, Tay?)
is forehead sweated in the cold "Let me get you to a hotel somewhere. (cold.)
"I'm hungry," she blurted out." (omit quotation marks after 'out.')
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2024
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Thanks for this. Sorry for the delayed response. I'm always glad to get help with fixes.
Comment from Rick Gardner
Interesting story line. A disaster is waiting to happen. Obviously a group using powerful drugs and she has a child to care for, yet shows no real motherly care. A disaster is waiting. Like to know which direction this will take.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Interesting story line. A disaster is waiting to happen. Obviously a group using powerful drugs and she has a child to care for, yet shows no real motherly care. A disaster is waiting. Like to know which direction this will take.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Appreciate what you said Rick.
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Just waiting anxiously
Comment from lyenochka
It sounds rather risky for Sam to take Taylor to his own house, especially since his wife isn't there and no one to vouch for him if Taylor lied about anything that Sam did to her. It doesn't sound like a good plan.
I liked how you mentioned the hospital and how Sam's mind kept thinking of his wife. I hope his church friend who is a doctor can get to them sooner than later.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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It sounds rather risky for Sam to take Taylor to his own house, especially since his wife isn't there and no one to vouch for him if Taylor lied about anything that Sam did to her. It doesn't sound like a good plan.
I liked how you mentioned the hospital and how Sam's mind kept thinking of his wife. I hope his church friend who is a doctor can get to them sooner than later.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Appreciate what you said. Your perceptive abilities are incredible with writers here. Redemption stories are what move me to keep going.
Comment from BethShelby
I can understand why the girl doesn't quite trust anyone. Being on the street is scary but she has already gotten herself in a mess with a boyfriend that deals drugs and Is pregnant, hooked and on the street. I'm concerned about Sam. I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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I can understand why the girl doesn't quite trust anyone. Being on the street is scary but she has already gotten herself in a mess with a boyfriend that deals drugs and Is pregnant, hooked and on the street. I'm concerned about Sam. I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much Beth
Comment from royowen
Sounds like a grim opening, people who live in shelters are marvellous, they work hard, not for the living, but for the concern of people doing it tough, Jesus said, if you didn't do it for the least of these, you did not do it to me, sounds a really good storyline, well done, blessings Riym
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Sounds like a grim opening, people who live in shelters are marvellous, they work hard, not for the living, but for the concern of people doing it tough, Jesus said, if you didn't do it for the least of these, you did not do it to me, sounds a really good storyline, well done, blessings Riym
Comment Written 19-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much Roy
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Bless you