My Heart Was Beguiled
Upon seeing a young mountain girl visiting an Irish Fair.4 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Terry!
*****This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page. I will award 4-stars based solely on grammar and lack of proofreading, never on content or creative choices. My suggestions are only meant to help make your work better, never to say your choice is wrong. My rating will always be carefully considered and fair based on the logic of the site's rubric. If I have rated your work a 4-star, it is because I feel it needs a lot of work grammatically, and this will be proven in the review that follows.*****
This is an absolutely wonderful poem! As soon as I read it, I was like, yeah, this one is better than mine by far. I was especially impressed with the verbiage you used to describe this woman. Here are a few of my favorites!
---"her hip-tilting walk." --Very unique and sexy!
---"twirls and the swirls" --So much motion, and great assonance and alliteration!
---"By the ease and the tease of her tinkling laugh." --My favorite line of the entire poem! THIS is high quality poetry! More assonance, and "tinkling" is a beautiful onomatopeia!
I am so happy that your won this contest! You should be very proud of this one! I am happy to award a 6-star for this!
Patrick
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024
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Hello Terry!
*****This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with the criteria outlined on the Q&A page. I will award 4-stars based solely on grammar and lack of proofreading, never on content or creative choices. My suggestions are only meant to help make your work better, never to say your choice is wrong. My rating will always be carefully considered and fair based on the logic of the site's rubric. If I have rated your work a 4-star, it is because I feel it needs a lot of work grammatically, and this will be proven in the review that follows.*****
This is an absolutely wonderful poem! As soon as I read it, I was like, yeah, this one is better than mine by far. I was especially impressed with the verbiage you used to describe this woman. Here are a few of my favorites!
---"her hip-tilting walk." --Very unique and sexy!
---"twirls and the swirls" --So much motion, and great assonance and alliteration!
---"By the ease and the tease of her tinkling laugh." --My favorite line of the entire poem! THIS is high quality poetry! More assonance, and "tinkling" is a beautiful onomatopeia!
I am so happy that your won this contest! You should be very proud of this one! I am happy to award a 6-star for this!
Patrick
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024
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Terrific! Many thanks!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This rhyming verse is so delightfully musical it could practically be sung. I love the description of the young mountain girl which has brought her to instant life and affection. My favourite line: By her languid demeanour, betraying no care." Lovely! Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
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This rhyming verse is so delightfully musical it could practically be sung. I love the description of the young mountain girl which has brought her to instant life and affection. My favourite line: By her languid demeanour, betraying no care." Lovely! Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 12-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
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Many thanks, Debbie.
Comment from Bill Schott
This ten-line poem, My Heart was Beguiled, has the proper formatting and reads the heart of the young lover who has spied the girl of many splendid dream.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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This ten-line poem, My Heart was Beguiled, has the proper formatting and reads the heart of the young lover who has spied the girl of many splendid dream.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2024
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Thanks, Bill.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
This is simply captivating! Your words paint such a clear image of this mysterious figure. The way you describe each detail is delightful. I love your descriptions from the "tinkling laugh" to the "piercing pale eyes".
Such an enjoyable read - I could almost see her strolling by!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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This is simply captivating! Your words paint such a clear image of this mysterious figure. The way you describe each detail is delightful. I love your descriptions from the "tinkling laugh" to the "piercing pale eyes".
Such an enjoyable read - I could almost see her strolling by!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2024
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So kind, Michael. Thank you.