Love Honor and a Mail Order Bride
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Sounds of Silence"Indian girl vies for the heart of a homesteader
7 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a good chapter, as always. You do such a good job of incorporating details from nature and the right era, from the drip of the cave to the way Ruth scrapes a match on the Dutch oven.
Little fixes:
A steady drip reverberated from roofs cave into a glassy puddle.
I think you meant: the cave's roof
Anna Beth hugged her mother in the cool, dampness.
Don't need comma after cool.
Ruth's eyes fixed on the opening mouth of the cave where she waited for what seemed like hours.
I would put a comma after the word cave.
As Luke led mother daughter down a worn path, he replied. "He's likely killed a pheasant in the field, or some bird to make himself a dinner, then wait us out."
I would put it like this: As Luke led the mother and daughter down a worn path, he replied, "He's likely killed a pheasant in the field or some bird to make himself a dinner, then wait us out."
As Anna Beth pressed her peach face against her mother's back, she blurted. "Can you be my Daddy?"
I kept thinking Anna has half a peach that materialized from somewhere. I think you mean to say she has fair skin. Maybe try:
As Anna Beth pressed her fair face against her mother's back, she blurted out, "Can you be my daddy?"
"How bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?"
I would say: "How 'bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?"
"Not to worry sweet pea, she'll be along shortly."
As I recall, this was a nickname used in a previous chapter as well. So it would take the place of Anna's name and should be capitalized, like this:
"Not to worry, Sweet Pea. She'll be along shortly."
Her own thoughts about the cabin and darkness surrounding them, made her feel more vulnerable than ever.
You can take the comma out after them.
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This is a good chapter, as always. You do such a good job of incorporating details from nature and the right era, from the drip of the cave to the way Ruth scrapes a match on the Dutch oven.
Little fixes:
A steady drip reverberated from roofs cave into a glassy puddle.
I think you meant: the cave's roof
Anna Beth hugged her mother in the cool, dampness.
Don't need comma after cool.
Ruth's eyes fixed on the opening mouth of the cave where she waited for what seemed like hours.
I would put a comma after the word cave.
As Luke led mother daughter down a worn path, he replied. "He's likely killed a pheasant in the field, or some bird to make himself a dinner, then wait us out."
I would put it like this: As Luke led the mother and daughter down a worn path, he replied, "He's likely killed a pheasant in the field or some bird to make himself a dinner, then wait us out."
As Anna Beth pressed her peach face against her mother's back, she blurted. "Can you be my Daddy?"
I kept thinking Anna has half a peach that materialized from somewhere. I think you mean to say she has fair skin. Maybe try:
As Anna Beth pressed her fair face against her mother's back, she blurted out, "Can you be my daddy?"
"How bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?"
I would say: "How 'bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?"
"Not to worry sweet pea, she'll be along shortly."
As I recall, this was a nickname used in a previous chapter as well. So it would take the place of Anna's name and should be capitalized, like this:
"Not to worry, Sweet Pea. She'll be along shortly."
Her own thoughts about the cabin and darkness surrounding them, made her feel more vulnerable than ever.
You can take the comma out after them.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2024
Comment from royowen
I've always loved your stories, so whatever works for you I will fit in, you do what you need to do my friend. I love this, the anxiety that Ruth is feeling terribly trapped and guilty, but I know Luke will look after Anna Beth, this beautiful child deserves a chance, actually Ruth, and what about Ayanna. Well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2024
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I've always loved your stories, so whatever works for you I will fit in, you do what you need to do my friend. I love this, the anxiety that Ruth is feeling terribly trapped and guilty, but I know Luke will look after Anna Beth, this beautiful child deserves a chance, actually Ruth, and what about Ayanna. Well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2024
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Thanks for your patience Roy. Appreciate you.
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My pleasure
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Ayanna needs to be all right. She just has to be. I want Luke and her to be together with Anna Beth. Ruth can go back and fix the problems she has.
"Will you show us the way through the mountain pass west? (missing ending quotation marks)
Luke spoke to Anna Beth. "How bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?" (Beth,)
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2024
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Ayanna needs to be all right. She just has to be. I want Luke and her to be together with Anna Beth. Ruth can go back and fix the problems she has.
"Will you show us the way through the mountain pass west? (missing ending quotation marks)
Luke spoke to Anna Beth. "How bout you and me gather some split wood before darkness settles in?" (Beth,)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2024
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Thanks so much Barbara. Appreciate u not giving up on story. I'm a sucker for this genre. I've mainly been intrigued at stories of women with true grit and faith in a far harsher world than now.
Comment from Blue Hendrix
Love how your word selection makes the reader feel the emotions of your characters and draws you into the story as if you are right there with your characters instead of an outsider looking in on someone else's adventure.looking forward to reading more of your work!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2024
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Love how your word selection makes the reader feel the emotions of your characters and draws you into the story as if you are right there with your characters instead of an outsider looking in on someone else's adventure.looking forward to reading more of your work!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2024
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Thanks again for that shiny golden cross
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You are so welcome I really enjoyed reading your chapter
Comment from BethShelby
I love this story, but my real life gets in the way too, and I've missed some of your chapters. I had to go back and read over them. This one left us with a cliff hanger. I'm worried about Ayanna and also who may be knocking on the door.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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I love this story, but my real life gets in the way too, and I've missed some of your chapters. I had to go back and read over them. This one left us with a cliff hanger. I'm worried about Ayanna and also who may be knocking on the door.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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Thanks Beth. I'm guilty of not catching all of yours. I wish I could fully retire, and write every day. Appreciate you.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
What an intense chapter! I love how you create a sense of tension right from the start. The atmosphere inside the cave is so well written. I could feel the cool dampness and hear every drip echoing. The bond between Ruth and Anna Beth shines through beautifully - especially in their quiet moments together. The way you show the struggle Ruth faces about her daughter's future adds to the story. I'm interested to see where this journey takes them! Keep up the great work!
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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What an intense chapter! I love how you create a sense of tension right from the start. The atmosphere inside the cave is so well written. I could feel the cool dampness and hear every drip echoing. The bond between Ruth and Anna Beth shines through beautifully - especially in their quiet moments together. The way you show the struggle Ruth faces about her daughter's future adds to the story. I'm interested to see where this journey takes them! Keep up the great work!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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Thanks Michael. I appreciate the depth of words here that let me know the scene worked and the conflict. You've invigorated my desire to get this project done.
Comment from Kahlani
Hi Forestport12, I have not had the pleasure of reading your posts before today. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and can't wait for you to post the next chapter so I can find out who's at the door.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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Hi Forestport12, I have not had the pleasure of reading your posts before today. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and can't wait for you to post the next chapter so I can find out who's at the door.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2024
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So appreciate the words and encouragement. It's esp. nice to get a review from someone I haven't met.