The Cult of Paranoia
Misunderstandings and Fear in Online Communications20 total reviews
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Hey Patrick, first of all congrats on your 50th.
And I am impressed with how long that must have taken for you to not only write such a thorough post on the subject, but how much thought that went into it as well.
I loved the art and the first thing I saw was the woman looking at me in the picture, which was cool and eerie at the same time.
I don't have a lot of time for a long review, but I do have to say that I agree with most of what you talked about. I try not to concern myself with who feels this way or that way, because I am who I need to be and if someone doesn't like me for me, then so be it.
I care a lot about most of the people here and I never get the feeling that someone I am communicating with is thinking or meaning something different than what I am hearing.
I have a sense where I can usually tell these things. I have prose stories here where I tell how I fought doctors on occasions and have won. If the feeling is that deep in me, then I know it is my God speaking to me. The titles of them are the Gift, part one, two, and three.
As far as the people I deal with who I have great friendships or personal, I am human. However, I don't fall into the imagining something because they might be having a bad day.
If they are I can tell, so I just either offer to be there for them or give them some space. Life is too short and the people most important to me are not going away because of a little mood problem. Nor am I going away because of it.
Too many truly cause more trouble for themselves than what is necessary by being paranoid.
Now I will tell you what I don't do. I hardly ever have or take the time to proofread when I am corresponding in a text or email, so I never know for sure if something I say might bother someone. But I do have to say that anyone who knows me, knows I don't have it in me to hurt another person, so bad mood or not I try to always follow the "Golden Rule."
I used to care too much about what people thought and I am so thankful to no longer be that person. It took years of counseling after incest by my godfather.
I love your insightful post and don't be surprised if on March 17th you see a little bit of your thorough characteristics in there. I think you are the kind of guy that can take a little ribbing for some of those things that people admire most about you. I don't tease people about things that could hurt them, just things that are the positive about them. Thanks again for this wonderful post. Virtual six!
Love, Debi
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2024
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Hey Patrick, first of all congrats on your 50th.
And I am impressed with how long that must have taken for you to not only write such a thorough post on the subject, but how much thought that went into it as well.
I loved the art and the first thing I saw was the woman looking at me in the picture, which was cool and eerie at the same time.
I don't have a lot of time for a long review, but I do have to say that I agree with most of what you talked about. I try not to concern myself with who feels this way or that way, because I am who I need to be and if someone doesn't like me for me, then so be it.
I care a lot about most of the people here and I never get the feeling that someone I am communicating with is thinking or meaning something different than what I am hearing.
I have a sense where I can usually tell these things. I have prose stories here where I tell how I fought doctors on occasions and have won. If the feeling is that deep in me, then I know it is my God speaking to me. The titles of them are the Gift, part one, two, and three.
As far as the people I deal with who I have great friendships or personal, I am human. However, I don't fall into the imagining something because they might be having a bad day.
If they are I can tell, so I just either offer to be there for them or give them some space. Life is too short and the people most important to me are not going away because of a little mood problem. Nor am I going away because of it.
Too many truly cause more trouble for themselves than what is necessary by being paranoid.
Now I will tell you what I don't do. I hardly ever have or take the time to proofread when I am corresponding in a text or email, so I never know for sure if something I say might bother someone. But I do have to say that anyone who knows me, knows I don't have it in me to hurt another person, so bad mood or not I try to always follow the "Golden Rule."
I used to care too much about what people thought and I am so thankful to no longer be that person. It took years of counseling after incest by my godfather.
I love your insightful post and don't be surprised if on March 17th you see a little bit of your thorough characteristics in there. I think you are the kind of guy that can take a little ribbing for some of those things that people admire most about you. I don't tease people about things that could hurt them, just things that are the positive about them. Thanks again for this wonderful post. Virtual six!
Love, Debi
Comment Written 31-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2024
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Hi Debi!
Wow, what a great review! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. My essay is not so much an instruction manual for what to do or to accuse people of doing this or that. It is primarily just a way for us all to start looking at all of our communications in a new way. I would hope that anyone who reads it will begin to understand better their role as sender and receiver. As for the section where I get a bit acerbic about proofreading, I have considered taking that out, but I decided to leave it in because at the end of the day, all of that is true. But you do you, Debi! I do my best not judge anyone, and I always take people where I find them. I also follow the Golden Rule in all areas of my life.
And yes, I absolutely can take a joke. I have no problem with ribbing as long as we are all laughing with me and not at me. 😊 I'm pretty sure most people are the same way in that respect.
Thanks again! 💕
Patrick
Comment from karenina
Congratulations on Milestone # 50, Patrick. I've read this several times over the past few days and was reluctant to review it, fearing I'd make 50% of the mistakes you've described. (smile)
I don't own a cell phone. (I know, right? How many of us are left?) I do, email and communicate here on FanStory.
I'm a seventy-year-old grandma who for years signs my birthday cards to the grandkids "LOL, Meme" --
I thought that meant "Lots of Love" and the dear kiddos didn't want to hurt my feelings.
There have been times when I thought my tone and intent in an email, or a review were clear ~ only to have someone respond wholly the opposite of what I might have expected.
I'm a neophyte at emojis and as many times as you've explained how to access them on my laptop, I still can't find the mystery that unlocks that door.
You wrote: "By feeding into this cycle of drawing false and improper conclusions about others, you begin to worry that others do the same to you."
It has the effect you described, as it "dulls the charms and douses the benefits of being a member of your online community."
There is a responsibility to reread, edit, and present "clean" and coherent correspondence.
I'm afraid sneaky "autocorrect" distracts me and I too frequently have "sender's regret" -- I need to slow down. (I likely need to up my magnification for my reading glasses as well!)
All of your points are important.
I should not assume someone was being "snarky" because I'm insecure. Or inept. Taking a moment to gut-check my initial reaction to the history of previous correspondence is a great barometer!
Likewise, I must remember the times I sent what I thought was a positive and constructive review only to find it was taken in an unintended way by my poor turn of a phrase -- into something quite the opposite.
Bless those who ask for clarification! I regret that some may have been discouraged or put off by something I said ineptly.
As a side note -- thank you for explaining to another reviewer how to find the "old lady" in that drawing! Even after your helpful hints, it took me ten minutes or more to finally identify her!
Every dawn brings an opportunity to learn and grow. Thanks for planting some new "perspective seeds."
Karenina
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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Congratulations on Milestone # 50, Patrick. I've read this several times over the past few days and was reluctant to review it, fearing I'd make 50% of the mistakes you've described. (smile)
I don't own a cell phone. (I know, right? How many of us are left?) I do, email and communicate here on FanStory.
I'm a seventy-year-old grandma who for years signs my birthday cards to the grandkids "LOL, Meme" --
I thought that meant "Lots of Love" and the dear kiddos didn't want to hurt my feelings.
There have been times when I thought my tone and intent in an email, or a review were clear ~ only to have someone respond wholly the opposite of what I might have expected.
I'm a neophyte at emojis and as many times as you've explained how to access them on my laptop, I still can't find the mystery that unlocks that door.
You wrote: "By feeding into this cycle of drawing false and improper conclusions about others, you begin to worry that others do the same to you."
It has the effect you described, as it "dulls the charms and douses the benefits of being a member of your online community."
There is a responsibility to reread, edit, and present "clean" and coherent correspondence.
I'm afraid sneaky "autocorrect" distracts me and I too frequently have "sender's regret" -- I need to slow down. (I likely need to up my magnification for my reading glasses as well!)
All of your points are important.
I should not assume someone was being "snarky" because I'm insecure. Or inept. Taking a moment to gut-check my initial reaction to the history of previous correspondence is a great barometer!
Likewise, I must remember the times I sent what I thought was a positive and constructive review only to find it was taken in an unintended way by my poor turn of a phrase -- into something quite the opposite.
Bless those who ask for clarification! I regret that some may have been discouraged or put off by something I said ineptly.
As a side note -- thank you for explaining to another reviewer how to find the "old lady" in that drawing! Even after your helpful hints, it took me ten minutes or more to finally identify her!
Every dawn brings an opportunity to learn and grow. Thanks for planting some new "perspective seeds."
Karenina
Comment Written 29-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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Hey Karenina!
--"I thought that meant "Lots of Love" and the dear kiddos didn't want to hurt my feelings." --Awwww, that's sweet. I'm sure they understood. 😊
Okay, go down to the field below as if you are going to respond to this reply. Stretch the field open a bit by dragging the bottom right corner. Put your cursor in the field as if you are going to type. Right-click that space with your mouse (or whatever you use to click). A pop-up comes up with options. At the very top of this is the word "Emoji." Select that one, and you get a grouping of emojis you can use. Select one. Send that back to me as a reply. 😎
"As a side note -- thank you for explaining to another reviewer how to find the "old lady" in that drawing! Even after your helpful hints, it took me ten minutes or more to finally identify her!" --Oh I forgot I sent those instructions to Pam as a public reply! I'm glad you found her (both Pam and the Old lady)!
Looking forward to your emoji reply!
💕
Patrick
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👌🎈👍
Wow-- Look at you dragging me into the 21st century! Oh my. This could become an addiction!
Thanks Patrick!
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😁
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this non-fiction article about the importance of clear communication and possible obstacles. It would be a good disclaimer for so...many...social media sites. Cool list of ambiguous article titles toward the end. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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I liked reading this non-fiction article about the importance of clear communication and possible obstacles. It would be a good disclaimer for so...many...social media sites. Cool list of ambiguous article titles toward the end. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2024
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Thank you Crystie! I am so glad you enjoyed the essay! 😊
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a well-researched and entertaining essay on some of the challenges we encounter when communicating with people around the world online with words and isolated feelings the only tools for processing our emotions.
You have mentioned many of the key points that lead to misunderstandings, chief among the missing element of direct meeting which involves our other senses in processing how well an interaction goes. Problem is those characteristics in face-to-face meetings are often veiled in deception too.
I think we are already evolving a new sensory skill to process our online communities. It is still in the primitive stages but as global warming and viral pandemics increase in frequency and intensity humans will need to live quite differently than we do now and it will involve a lot more online activity.
I had never heard of Nightwish before so I found them on YouTube, and a one hour loop of Wish I had an Angel. Great tune! Reminds me very much of Metallica. Then I found the ukulele chords so many thanks for the tip. I'm pretty sure all the white-haired seniors in the group are going to love learning this song.
A suggestion: You used the word sensual to denote data, cues, etc. I think a better word is sensory as sensual is a word that primarily denotes pleasure whereas the word sensory embraces all experiences and perceptions, and some of those experiences can be most unpleasant, but they are still very real.
Great job, Patrick. I really enjoyed this, so many thanks for sharing. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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This is a well-researched and entertaining essay on some of the challenges we encounter when communicating with people around the world online with words and isolated feelings the only tools for processing our emotions.
You have mentioned many of the key points that lead to misunderstandings, chief among the missing element of direct meeting which involves our other senses in processing how well an interaction goes. Problem is those characteristics in face-to-face meetings are often veiled in deception too.
I think we are already evolving a new sensory skill to process our online communities. It is still in the primitive stages but as global warming and viral pandemics increase in frequency and intensity humans will need to live quite differently than we do now and it will involve a lot more online activity.
I had never heard of Nightwish before so I found them on YouTube, and a one hour loop of Wish I had an Angel. Great tune! Reminds me very much of Metallica. Then I found the ukulele chords so many thanks for the tip. I'm pretty sure all the white-haired seniors in the group are going to love learning this song.
A suggestion: You used the word sensual to denote data, cues, etc. I think a better word is sensory as sensual is a word that primarily denotes pleasure whereas the word sensory embraces all experiences and perceptions, and some of those experiences can be most unpleasant, but they are still very real.
Great job, Patrick. I really enjoyed this, so many thanks for sharing. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 25-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hi Gloria!
Thank you so much for this incredible review! I wish I had a Reviewing Vote I could give you right now, but I'm all out for the month. As soon as I get one available, though, I will pop into your portfolio and award it!
I am such a HUGE Nightwish fan! I highly recommend you watch one more offering of theirs: "Ghost Love Score" Live from Wacken 2013 on Youtube (30+ million views and counting). It is 10-minutes long, but well worth it. If you are not blown away by this, alas, Nightwish is not for you. They are Finnish mostly (the lead singer is Dutch), but they also incorporate a lot of Celtic music in their songs as well.
Yes, you are absolutely right about the words "sensory." For some reason, I have always thought "sensual" was a little off with what I was saying, but "sensory" never popped up. I will go and change all of those. Thank you!
Thank you also for your 6-star rating! Have a great weekend!
Patrick
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on your milestone, Patrick! And what an essay to mark it with! I started off thinking I didn't have time to read a long post but this kept me hooked all the way through. Fascinating and of course very relatable. The one thing (well one of many but probably my biggest gripe) that riles, frustrates and depresses me is miscommunication. People just don't listen properly or, in the case of on-line communication, fail to read properly. Why else would so many errors be missed or so scant a critique be made? I don't particularly want to read all about them, frankly, with just a token: Thank you for sharing! But I'm talking about reviews here and not communication in general. By the way, I love GB Shaw's quote! Such a keeper!
In short, your well structured, researched and informative essay was a joy to read and a perfect guide to remember in any form of communication. Just one single error:in the last but one para: with (whom) you want to share a community.
This deserves to be awarded a quality seal! Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Congrats on your milestone, Patrick! And what an essay to mark it with! I started off thinking I didn't have time to read a long post but this kept me hooked all the way through. Fascinating and of course very relatable. The one thing (well one of many but probably my biggest gripe) that riles, frustrates and depresses me is miscommunication. People just don't listen properly or, in the case of on-line communication, fail to read properly. Why else would so many errors be missed or so scant a critique be made? I don't particularly want to read all about them, frankly, with just a token: Thank you for sharing! But I'm talking about reviews here and not communication in general. By the way, I love GB Shaw's quote! Such a keeper!
In short, your well structured, researched and informative essay was a joy to read and a perfect guide to remember in any form of communication. Just one single error:in the last but one para: with (whom) you want to share a community.
This deserves to be awarded a quality seal! Take care Debbie
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hi again Debi!
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my essay! There is one point that I would like to make about reviewing in general that echoes what you have written here. I spent many years on Writing.com, so writing sites and reviewing in general are not new to me. I will at some point post my essay about reviewing, but there is really only ONE thing that a reviewer is obligated to accomplish with a review: to leave NO DOUBT for the author or the poet that the work was read completely. If this is not done, a reviewer is cheating the author/poet and also the community by taking rewards that they did not earn. I am new here, but I plan on staying. Hopefully I can do my part to help instill this obligation in everyone who reviews. I understand that time is at a premium, and the system is set up for speed over quality to earn as much funny money as possible to promote our own work. But there still should be a basic standard of reviewing that people are held to. Oh well, there are pros and cons with the system, and I am certainly not one to work against it. I would just hope that people would do right by an author/poet by at least reading the work.
"This deserves to be awarded a quality seal!" --That is very sweet of you to say, Debbie! 😊
I have added your name to my list of reviews. I always get to them, I just usually do so at the turtle's pace and not the hare's. ((Maybe because I read them? Oops, that was entirely too cynical for me. That's not usually my style. But I just could not resist. 🤣))
Patrick
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I completely agree about reading thoroughly. I had one glaring spelling error in my last post which was missed by so many before one reviewer pointed it out. Also, I was put roundly in my place once when I actually admitted that I had stopped reading the post because it was pretentious and full of references I didn't understand. I just felt irritated.I didn't penalise because I appreciated that others would probably have understood the references better. But poor communication, essentially aimed to impress, is one of my biggest bugbears. That's why I enjoyed Shaw's quote so much and the well-considered and crafted clarity of your essay:) How does one get a quality seal? Could I nominate you?
Comment from Gayla putnam
I am impressed with your thoughts and the time and effort you put into this piece. I learned some valuable tips and had some aha moments when I realized I'd made some errors in my past reviews. Thank you for the concise points you made. I'll ponder your points and try incorporating them into my everyday life. gayla
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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I am impressed with your thoughts and the time and effort you put into this piece. I learned some valuable tips and had some aha moments when I realized I'd made some errors in my past reviews. Thank you for the concise points you made. I'll ponder your points and try incorporating them into my everyday life. gayla
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Thank you Gayla! I so much appreciate your comments and your 6-star rating! I am also glad that some of what I wrote made sense to you and could be helpful. Have a great weekend!
Comment from F. William Lester
Absolutely outstanding and so well said. This deserves a seven! I know this so well, Patrick, and it is so blatantly obvious in our politics and social fabric today. I rarely use social media outside of texting, emails, and ocassionally Facebook. I'm so leary of it, not only as a sender but also as a receiver, partially due to the fact I'm pushing eighty and am not techically savvy. However, I understand your points of needing to edit communications and avoid assumptions. Still I've found myself falling into that paranoia trap more than I care to admit. I believe the roots of our present condition became apparent with the age of the boombox and walkmans. People began withdrawing into their own spheres and became less engaging in human conversation. People walk around with their earbuds now and squander the art of vocal communication, which I believe leads to a loss of the ability to truly communicate. Instant gratification and carrying on conversations in 140 characters (if that's what it still is) isn't conducive to our ability to communicate clearly. I think there is one word that encompasses most of what you've written - humility. I think that we need a healthy dose of humilty, all of us, when we communicate. It would lower the temperature considerably. I know what I've said is a broad brush and not true of everyone, probably more of an old man's rant, but I do understand what you're talking about. You've written it more succintly and clearer that I'm capable of. Thanks for sharing it. Wonderful words. Excellent! Have a beautiful day, Frank
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Absolutely outstanding and so well said. This deserves a seven! I know this so well, Patrick, and it is so blatantly obvious in our politics and social fabric today. I rarely use social media outside of texting, emails, and ocassionally Facebook. I'm so leary of it, not only as a sender but also as a receiver, partially due to the fact I'm pushing eighty and am not techically savvy. However, I understand your points of needing to edit communications and avoid assumptions. Still I've found myself falling into that paranoia trap more than I care to admit. I believe the roots of our present condition became apparent with the age of the boombox and walkmans. People began withdrawing into their own spheres and became less engaging in human conversation. People walk around with their earbuds now and squander the art of vocal communication, which I believe leads to a loss of the ability to truly communicate. Instant gratification and carrying on conversations in 140 characters (if that's what it still is) isn't conducive to our ability to communicate clearly. I think there is one word that encompasses most of what you've written - humility. I think that we need a healthy dose of humilty, all of us, when we communicate. It would lower the temperature considerably. I know what I've said is a broad brush and not true of everyone, probably more of an old man's rant, but I do understand what you're talking about. You've written it more succintly and clearer that I'm capable of. Thanks for sharing it. Wonderful words. Excellent! Have a beautiful day, Frank
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hey Frank!
I appreciate your review and your 6-star rating! You make a lot of great points here concerning the nature of our 21st Century communication. I think that what everyone could do right now that would make a world of difference is just to try and think the best of others. This would avoid a lot of stress and misunderstandings.
Have a great weekend!
Patrick
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You're very welcome and I couldn't agree with you more. We all need to step back and chill. Then begin again with a respectful approach. Not everyone is the enemy. We're all in the same boat and just a little bit worried. You have a great weekend as well. Frank
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I LOVE the George Bernard Shaw quote! There's one to save.
I'm glad to see you turning to the essay; I occasionally write one myself, and I always feel that I learn as much, if not more, from my research of the subject as my readers do.
"language has been the greatest single contributor to our understanding and misunderstanding" - YES, YES, AND YES. I left social media a few years back because too often I found myself saying, "He completely misunderstood what I meant" - or someone would say that to me. And especially in these divided times, we must sit down together, in the same room, to speak to each other.
Seriously about the weatherman? If someone had said that on my local news, I would have laughed, knowing what they meant. They probably would have had a good laugh also, and no one would have been fired.
I laughed out loud when I read your list of unclear messages. I'd like to see that veterinarian take over; I'd even bring the popcorn!
Escher was a master at confusing our perspectives. I had two of his framed works in my house in CT for years. The one of the old woman and young . . . I have never been able to see the old woman. I always see the young one. Weird, huh?
Congratulations on 50 posts! And all top-notch work, which you can be proud of.
Damn good writing, Patrick.
xoxo
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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I LOVE the George Bernard Shaw quote! There's one to save.
I'm glad to see you turning to the essay; I occasionally write one myself, and I always feel that I learn as much, if not more, from my research of the subject as my readers do.
"language has been the greatest single contributor to our understanding and misunderstanding" - YES, YES, AND YES. I left social media a few years back because too often I found myself saying, "He completely misunderstood what I meant" - or someone would say that to me. And especially in these divided times, we must sit down together, in the same room, to speak to each other.
Seriously about the weatherman? If someone had said that on my local news, I would have laughed, knowing what they meant. They probably would have had a good laugh also, and no one would have been fired.
I laughed out loud when I read your list of unclear messages. I'd like to see that veterinarian take over; I'd even bring the popcorn!
Escher was a master at confusing our perspectives. I had two of his framed works in my house in CT for years. The one of the old woman and young . . . I have never been able to see the old woman. I always see the young one. Weird, huh?
Congratulations on 50 posts! And all top-notch work, which you can be proud of.
Damn good writing, Patrick.
xoxo
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Hi Pam!
Thank you as always for your kind words!
"I'd like to see that veterinarian take over; I'd even bring the popcorn!" --Naughty! 🤣
SO, I was waiting to answer this. I am going to help you see the old woman. Open the essay back up and try with me.
---The young woman's jawline is the old woman's nose.
---The young woman's ear is the old woman's left eye.
---The young woman's choker is the old woman's mouth.
---The old woman is facing three-quarters forward from YOUR left.
---The young woman is facing three-quarters backward from YOUR left.
Does that help? Let me know!
Patrick
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LOL, I will try again, but I was enjoying being different all these decades:-)
Comment from Ric Myworld
This is some mighty fine writing and offers ideas that all of us could, and maybe should, consider. But like with most of us, there's a lot of time and effort which could be spent more productively. LOL. Words without expression can always be hard to decipher or totally understand the writer's intentions. And certainly, those on an equal level playing field have an easier time, but perspectives vary greatly, and of course, many idiots get lost walking around the block and aren't likely get what's being said, even if they have a map and schematics. Thanks for trying, the majority need all the help they can fine, but sadly, they won't get it regardless. Great job! Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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This is some mighty fine writing and offers ideas that all of us could, and maybe should, consider. But like with most of us, there's a lot of time and effort which could be spent more productively. LOL. Words without expression can always be hard to decipher or totally understand the writer's intentions. And certainly, those on an equal level playing field have an easier time, but perspectives vary greatly, and of course, many idiots get lost walking around the block and aren't likely get what's being said, even if they have a map and schematics. Thanks for trying, the majority need all the help they can fine, but sadly, they won't get it regardless. Great job! Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Thanks Ric! I appreciate you as always! 😊
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Great researching. Very well constructed. Quite informative.
... neurotic behavior that dulls the charms and douses the benefits ... - I love your word choices and phrasing
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Great researching. Very well constructed. Quite informative.
... neurotic behavior that dulls the charms and douses the benefits ... - I love your word choices and phrasing
Best wishes.
Comment Written 24-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Wayne! It's great to meet you! I appreciate your review and comments and also your 6-star rating. Have a great weekend!