The Last Conversation
A free verse poem27 total reviews
Comment from Jackson Goodall
I didn't even think it was about twins! I thought it could have been about a relationship gone bad, therefore I thought of murder at first, but suicide only makes the poem touch deeper feelings.
It was cool to sit in the "you" position, something I hadn't read yet in that prose until now.
Heavy conversation as I imagined looking over at the mirror to see my bloody self, speaking as a ghost to someone chasing them.
Five stars buddy!
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I didn't even think it was about twins! I thought it could have been about a relationship gone bad, therefore I thought of murder at first, but suicide only makes the poem touch deeper feelings.
It was cool to sit in the "you" position, something I hadn't read yet in that prose until now.
Heavy conversation as I imagined looking over at the mirror to see my bloody self, speaking as a ghost to someone chasing them.
Five stars buddy!
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
Comment from F. William Lester
I like your imagery, especially the view in the mirror. Like any decision we make, we can't go back, and the bad ones will haunt us for life. He will pay. Nice work.
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I like your imagery, especially the view in the mirror. Like any decision we make, we can't go back, and the bad ones will haunt us for life. He will pay. Nice work.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
A very deep conversation between twins. Suicide always hurts more than the one who commits the deed. Two kindred souls, one gone, the other left to mourn. I love the back and forth between the two, each showing what they are going through.
Great job,
Rhonda
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A very deep conversation between twins. Suicide always hurts more than the one who commits the deed. Two kindred souls, one gone, the other left to mourn. I love the back and forth between the two, each showing what they are going through.
Great job,
Rhonda
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from LJbutterfly
A riveting story is told in this No Rules Poetry Contest entry. As the story unfolds, your precise choice of words leads the reader to constantly visualize and try to determine the backstory. Of course, my first thought was a male, female relationship. After reading your notes and finding out twins were conversing, I re-read your poem and discovered clues I had previously missed. I truly enjoyed your entire presentation (artwork, poem, and notes).
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A riveting story is told in this No Rules Poetry Contest entry. As the story unfolds, your precise choice of words leads the reader to constantly visualize and try to determine the backstory. Of course, my first thought was a male, female relationship. After reading your notes and finding out twins were conversing, I re-read your poem and discovered clues I had previously missed. I truly enjoyed your entire presentation (artwork, poem, and notes).
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from gansach
This is a great entry for the No Rules Poetry competition. It has a wonderful presentation, the artwork is a good illustration for your poem. I like the construct with the labeled alternating conversation. It's very descriptive and fascinating. I appreciate the author notes explanation. Well done!
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This is a great entry for the No Rules Poetry competition. It has a wonderful presentation, the artwork is a good illustration for your poem. I like the construct with the labeled alternating conversation. It's very descriptive and fascinating. I appreciate the author notes explanation. Well done!
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from Jesse James Doty
I didn't pick up that this was about twins. I imagined this was about two people, a couple who had gone through the wringer and the one finds the other after they have shot themselves to death. I like your version as well.
Welcome to Fanstory! I hope you find a place to call your home on this writing site.
Thanks for the beautiful artwork. It adds a touch of surrealism to the free verse poem.
Jesse
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I didn't pick up that this was about twins. I imagined this was about two people, a couple who had gone through the wringer and the one finds the other after they have shot themselves to death. I like your version as well.
Welcome to Fanstory! I hope you find a place to call your home on this writing site.
Thanks for the beautiful artwork. It adds a touch of surrealism to the free verse poem.
Jesse
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from Sanku
I gathered that this is a conversation between a man and a woman, one a alive and the other departed... You have brilliant grasp on words and the misery of the surviving twin is poignant...
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I gathered that this is a conversation between a man and a woman, one a alive and the other departed... You have brilliant grasp on words and the misery of the surviving twin is poignant...
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Videl!
First it's nice to meet you! I was transfixed by your poem. As I am sure you have heard from others, the meaning is a bit ambiguous. I will give you my thoughts as I read it, in case that is useful to you.
Some Thoughts:
---When I got to the end, this is what I thought before I read your author's note. I thought these were lovers, a man and a woman. I thought they had been apart for a long time, but "I" (the male) had regretted losing "You" (the woman). I sensed that the impetus for their reunion was "You's" suicide by a self-inflicted gunshot. The "moment" of the death was a bit surreal. It could have been this conversation happening within that milisecond. OR it could have been "I" arriving at the scene of the suicide after "You" was already dead, and them having this conversation in "I's" mind. So, after reading your author's note, I see that I was right about a lot of it. Except that they were twins rather than lovers, and also that even though I assumed a man-woman relationship, the gender of either is never really specified (a great choice on your part to leave it open and thus make it more universally appealing).
---"The door opens with a scream, it's an old hinge/Worn down by age and too many goodbyes." --Sometimes I do skip poems when I am Bonus Reviewing after reading the first few lines. When I read these two, I was like, yeah, I have to go on with this one. The figurative language in these two lines reveals a seasoned poet.
---"Before you took the other half of me away." --On my reread, now, here is my first clue of the twins.
---"Then your eyes flicker toward the mirror--" --Here is the introduction of this mirror which is important and referred to in the ending sequence of the converation.
---"Our clocks both stopped just past that midnight." --Another clue about their genetic connection as twins. Here is also this refrain continuing of "I" also "dying" with "You's" choice.
---"Caught in the barrel of a bullet" --Wow! So powerful!
---"In this face that we once shared." --Another clue as to the twins' identity I should have caught on to.
---"The hours, like blood, seep into the stained carpet." --You finish strong just like you began with this wonderful figurative language. Thinking of the "hours" in this way made me think of the famous Dali painting "The Persistence of Memory" with the melting clocks.
So, this is an awesome introduction to your prowess as a poet. I am looking forward to reading more. In fact, as soon as I proofread and submit this review, I will be making my fandom of your work official. Luckily I have a 6-star left!
Great job, mon ami!
Patrick
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Hello Videl!
First it's nice to meet you! I was transfixed by your poem. As I am sure you have heard from others, the meaning is a bit ambiguous. I will give you my thoughts as I read it, in case that is useful to you.
Some Thoughts:
---When I got to the end, this is what I thought before I read your author's note. I thought these were lovers, a man and a woman. I thought they had been apart for a long time, but "I" (the male) had regretted losing "You" (the woman). I sensed that the impetus for their reunion was "You's" suicide by a self-inflicted gunshot. The "moment" of the death was a bit surreal. It could have been this conversation happening within that milisecond. OR it could have been "I" arriving at the scene of the suicide after "You" was already dead, and them having this conversation in "I's" mind. So, after reading your author's note, I see that I was right about a lot of it. Except that they were twins rather than lovers, and also that even though I assumed a man-woman relationship, the gender of either is never really specified (a great choice on your part to leave it open and thus make it more universally appealing).
---"The door opens with a scream, it's an old hinge/Worn down by age and too many goodbyes." --Sometimes I do skip poems when I am Bonus Reviewing after reading the first few lines. When I read these two, I was like, yeah, I have to go on with this one. The figurative language in these two lines reveals a seasoned poet.
---"Before you took the other half of me away." --On my reread, now, here is my first clue of the twins.
---"Then your eyes flicker toward the mirror--" --Here is the introduction of this mirror which is important and referred to in the ending sequence of the converation.
---"Our clocks both stopped just past that midnight." --Another clue about their genetic connection as twins. Here is also this refrain continuing of "I" also "dying" with "You's" choice.
---"Caught in the barrel of a bullet" --Wow! So powerful!
---"In this face that we once shared." --Another clue as to the twins' identity I should have caught on to.
---"The hours, like blood, seep into the stained carpet." --You finish strong just like you began with this wonderful figurative language. Thinking of the "hours" in this way made me think of the famous Dali painting "The Persistence of Memory" with the melting clocks.
So, this is an awesome introduction to your prowess as a poet. I am looking forward to reading more. In fact, as soon as I proofread and submit this review, I will be making my fandom of your work official. Luckily I have a 6-star left!
Great job, mon ami!
Patrick
Comment Written 18-Oct-2024
Comment from ESOSTINE
Your note was very helpful in understanding the poem. I say pains and regret through out the verses. Thanks for sharing your inspiration. Good luck in the contest.
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Your note was very helpful in understanding the poem. I say pains and regret through out the verses. Thanks for sharing your inspiration. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
Comment from Douglas Goff
What a strong piece of poetry with a lot of tension and apprehension.
I guess 'I' goes to prison and "you" goes in the ground.
Nice work.
D
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What a strong piece of poetry with a lot of tension and apprehension.
I guess 'I' goes to prison and "you" goes in the ground.
Nice work.
D
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024