The Battle
The battle between the gladiators27 total reviews
Comment from mbagby23
History is my favorite and war is in History. You picked the perfect picture to draw people to your writing. That got my attention off gate. I am glad I stopped by
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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History is my favorite and war is in History. You picked the perfect picture to draw people to your writing. That got my attention off gate. I am glad I stopped by
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much mbagby23 for your lovely comments.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Clever poem that it reminds me of the Penepolese war. This part captures very well a gladiator journey "ithin the confines of the arena,
immersed in the luminous light.
The battle begins,
the race is on,
feeling exposed in this unfair fight." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Clever poem that it reminds me of the Penepolese war. This part captures very well a gladiator journey "ithin the confines of the arena,
immersed in the luminous light.
The battle begins,
the race is on,
feeling exposed in this unfair fight." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2024
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Thank you Iza for your wonderful review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Julie Helms
What a grand story you have told in your poem. You get the different effects with the sounds and emotions that really draw the reader in.
I have a suggestion for one line:
immersed in the luminous light.
(Luminous really just means 'light emitting', so putting it with light doesn't mean much. it is often used as a substitute word for light, like "there was a luminous object in the sky" meaning 'light emitting object in the sky'. So luminous does not add anything to your word light, it's redundant.)
I think you have a great entry for the contest here. Thank you for sharing!
Julie
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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What a grand story you have told in your poem. You get the different effects with the sounds and emotions that really draw the reader in.
I have a suggestion for one line:
immersed in the luminous light.
(Luminous really just means 'light emitting', so putting it with light doesn't mean much. it is often used as a substitute word for light, like "there was a luminous object in the sky" meaning 'light emitting object in the sky'. So luminous does not add anything to your word light, it's redundant.)
I think you have a great entry for the contest here. Thank you for sharing!
Julie
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for your feedback. I will go back to the drawing board and come up with a more appropriate word.
Comment from Ulla
Wow, you did tell a magnificent story in this poem for the contest. The imagery is wonderful and the story is very believable. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Wow, you did tell a magnificent story in this poem for the contest. The imagery is wonderful and the story is very believable. All the best of luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments, Ulla.
Comment from Sarah Probe 1
I really liked your poem about war and history, I hope you win the contest, and
thank you so much for your kind words and lovely rating,
I hope you will enjoy some more of my poems , and i shall read your loop poetry when you'll be ready to publish one,
Best wishes,
Sarah
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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I really liked your poem about war and history, I hope you win the contest, and
thank you so much for your kind words and lovely rating,
I hope you will enjoy some more of my poems , and i shall read your loop poetry when you'll be ready to publish one,
Best wishes,
Sarah
Comment Written 14-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Sarah, for your wonderful review. I've been practicing the loop poetry, but it's harder than it looks!
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
You certainly captured the all round tension with your words, Kahlani, building up to the final verse very well.
'Swishing of the blade, the clanging of steel'
Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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You certainly captured the all round tension with your words, Kahlani, building up to the final verse very well.
'Swishing of the blade, the clanging of steel'
Well done.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your lovely comments, Shirley.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
WHOA!!! This is INTENSE and exciting and riveting! You did quite the job describing something archaic, yet I could not have been more mesmerized by it! Great choice of art, too, and even your font was the perfect cherry on top of this fabulous post! I bet this will do GREAT at the polls! Good luck to you! xoxox
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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WHOA!!! This is INTENSE and exciting and riveting! You did quite the job describing something archaic, yet I could not have been more mesmerized by it! Great choice of art, too, and even your font was the perfect cherry on top of this fabulous post! I bet this will do GREAT at the polls! Good luck to you! xoxox
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your wonderful comments, Rachelle.
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My total pleasure! Xo
Comment from Becca M Myers
Exposed in this unfair fight. That just went right through me. Life to me seems to be a fight and I honestly feel totally exposed. The enemy is evil one hundred percent. Very well written Thank You for Sharing. Best of wishes in all your endeavors
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Exposed in this unfair fight. That just went right through me. Life to me seems to be a fight and I honestly feel totally exposed. The enemy is evil one hundred percent. Very well written Thank You for Sharing. Best of wishes in all your endeavors
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Becca, for your generous review. I look forward to reading more of your posts.
Comment from GWHARGIS
I have to say this was very cool to read. It was like I was there. I could hear the crowd. I saw the arena and the crowds waiting to smell the sweat and hear the cries. I loved the heightened drama you described and how it must have felt to wait before battle. To know that you will leave the arena either as a victor or dead. There were no other options. Great poem. Gretchen
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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I have to say this was very cool to read. It was like I was there. I could hear the crowd. I saw the arena and the crowds waiting to smell the sweat and hear the cries. I loved the heightened drama you described and how it must have felt to wait before battle. To know that you will leave the arena either as a victor or dead. There were no other options. Great poem. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your wonderful review, Gretchen. You must have been there!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
An impassioned gladiatorial fight which builds throughout your evocative free verse to its tragic crescendo. Excellent illustrative detail and an impressive story for the contest. Well done, Kahlani, and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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An impassioned gladiatorial fight which builds throughout your evocative free verse to its tragic crescendo. Excellent illustrative detail and an impressive story for the contest. Well done, Kahlani, and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for your lovely comments.