Danger is my business
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Walmart Times Three"Most everything Mickey did was dangerous.
10 total reviews
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi Liz,
Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching journey. Your efforts will help others whose lives are continually disrupted by dependent loved ones needing extensive daily assistance with life. Your many sacrifices are commendable and exhausting. I hope you receive more and more help so you and your brother can move forward in a better environment.
I enjoyed what you wrote, and it was worth reading. As an editor, it is still important to help other writers improve. Improved writing brings joy and satisfaction as your message is more clearly delivered. That is my intent with the following suggestions:
Combine these two sentences. You begin with an intro to your sentence that you don't finish.
If you use the m-dash to separate the aside, you have a complete sentence.
One of the things you have to understand about my brother--and this has always been the case--is that he acknowledges ...
wacked.t (remove 't')
so they would be a little less easy to run (less easy to run than what? You make a comparison with "less easy" but you don't indicate what it is less easy than)
Now I've come home for a couple of days and charging my cellphone. (What does charging your phone have to do with coming home for a couple of days?)
and maybe I will be able to get a hold of somebody on Monday (I think this insert clutters your sentence. The topic of the sentence is you're working on getting help for your brother. It's all you need. If you want to give details, continue with those in the next sentences.)
I'm hopeful we'll be able to begin that process tomorrow, Monday. (This is good. You didn't need to repeat it in the previous sentence.)
Because you are in an emotional state of mind while writing, it can cause a sense of immediacy and rushing to finish. If you slow down and consider the topic of each sentence, you will avoid confusing your reader with multiple topics and incomplete sentences.
I hope this helps. I pray for you and your brother and for all the provisions that God has for you.
Patricia
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Hi Liz,
Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching journey. Your efforts will help others whose lives are continually disrupted by dependent loved ones needing extensive daily assistance with life. Your many sacrifices are commendable and exhausting. I hope you receive more and more help so you and your brother can move forward in a better environment.
I enjoyed what you wrote, and it was worth reading. As an editor, it is still important to help other writers improve. Improved writing brings joy and satisfaction as your message is more clearly delivered. That is my intent with the following suggestions:
Combine these two sentences. You begin with an intro to your sentence that you don't finish.
If you use the m-dash to separate the aside, you have a complete sentence.
One of the things you have to understand about my brother--and this has always been the case--is that he acknowledges ...
wacked.t (remove 't')
so they would be a little less easy to run (less easy to run than what? You make a comparison with "less easy" but you don't indicate what it is less easy than)
Now I've come home for a couple of days and charging my cellphone. (What does charging your phone have to do with coming home for a couple of days?)
and maybe I will be able to get a hold of somebody on Monday (I think this insert clutters your sentence. The topic of the sentence is you're working on getting help for your brother. It's all you need. If you want to give details, continue with those in the next sentences.)
I'm hopeful we'll be able to begin that process tomorrow, Monday. (This is good. You didn't need to repeat it in the previous sentence.)
Because you are in an emotional state of mind while writing, it can cause a sense of immediacy and rushing to finish. If you slow down and consider the topic of each sentence, you will avoid confusing your reader with multiple topics and incomplete sentences.
I hope this helps. I pray for you and your brother and for all the provisions that God has for you.
Patricia
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for your thorough review. I will attend to your notices.
Comment from Begin Again
Sometimes our hearts are so caring that we forget about ourselves and focus on the needs of others. It sounds as if exhaustion is claiming you! I hope that your brother will have help that gives you a breather to claim back yourself.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Sometimes our hearts are so caring that we forget about ourselves and focus on the needs of others. It sounds as if exhaustion is claiming you! I hope that your brother will have help that gives you a breather to claim back yourself.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 20-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your compassionate review and for all the lovely encouragement you are giving me
Comment from Karen Cherry
You have had it shoved down your throat all your life , that you are last on the list, in any given situation. This is not so. You need to take care of you. And learn to say no to your brother and other things. My opnoin only. Karen
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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You have had it shoved down your throat all your life , that you are last on the list, in any given situation. This is not so. You need to take care of you. And learn to say no to your brother and other things. My opnoin only. Karen
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Urban so many people coming in everyday to work with my brother that I have been able to come home 3 weeks my sanity back. Just drives me crazy he's either obssessed with his favorite place to eat Denny's.
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Best wishes to you and yours.
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***Thank you***
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:-)
Comment from BethShelby
It does sound like all this traveling is getting to be too exhaustion. You are a good sister to take all if his many phone calls and go visit him so often. I'm glad things are working out for someone to come in so you can get some rest.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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It does sound like all this traveling is getting to be too exhaustion. You are a good sister to take all if his many phone calls and go visit him so often. I'm glad things are working out for someone to come in so you can get some rest.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your compassionate rev and I don't have to answer the phone all the time it's usually going to be him talking about one of his obsessions, especially shoe & phone issues. I'm emotionally settling down.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
That would be exhausting!
Back in the day, he had a couple of motorcycles he messed around with them so they would be a little less easy to run. - This sentence needs rewritten. Maybe lose the 'them' and everything that follows?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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That would be exhausting!
Back in the day, he had a couple of motorcycles he messed around with them so they would be a little less easy to run. - This sentence needs rewritten. Maybe lose the 'them' and everything that follows?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your alert review
Comment from lyenochka
Oh Liz! Mike is so blessed to have you! For all the rough and tumble interactions you had as kids, you two are so close and loving!
I can't imagine getting 15 calls a day. That would just drive me batty! I don't like talking on the phone in general. But I do that at least twice a day with my mom. Please rest up when you don't have to travel.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Oh Liz! Mike is so blessed to have you! For all the rough and tumble interactions you had as kids, you two are so close and loving!
I can't imagine getting 15 calls a day. That would just drive me batty! I don't like talking on the phone in general. But I do that at least twice a day with my mom. Please rest up when you don't have to travel.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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The person thank you for your compassionate review
Comment from DonandVicki
I enjoyed reading your short essay and your writing has pulled me in. I think you might have a spelling mistake in paragraph six:", because of my ADD? should be AD? If i'm wrong please forgive me.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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I enjoyed reading your short essay and your writing has pulled me in. I think you might have a spelling mistake in paragraph six:", because of my ADD? should be AD? If i'm wrong please forgive me.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Saying there are thank you for your compassionate review so easy. Anyone a baby can do that point figuring out how to solve problem is the abbreviation for attention deficit. It clearly is a disorder. We're also on the autistism continuum
Comment from jim vecchio
I pray The Lord will alleviate some of your stress and bless your brother. I may look for a new ALS in the future, but here I've got all I need, including a shower chair. I had a bit of trouble with a female therapist who wanted to observe me using it, but I won that battle. I pray God lightens your burdens.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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I pray The Lord will alleviate some of your stress and bless your brother. I may look for a new ALS in the future, but here I've got all I need, including a shower chair. I had a bit of trouble with a female therapist who wanted to observe me using it, but I won that battle. I pray God lightens your burdens.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your prayer to help me lighten my battle. I've realized and I may have already put this in here that I am emotionally exhausted.
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Lately I have been more and more exhausted as well, FanStory and work as the Resident President take a lot of time.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I'm sure writing does help. You can write about your brother and his problems, or write memories you haven't already written about. Remembering an especially lovely day or fun activity will ease your nerves. Skip the things you didn't like, just the good things.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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I'm sure writing does help. You can write about your brother and his problems, or write memories you haven't already written about. Remembering an especially lovely day or fun activity will ease your nerves. Skip the things you didn't like, just the good things.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your compassionate review
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can completely understand why you're emotionally exhausted. My prayers are with you and your brother. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know writing this helps you but will also help others in a similar situation.
we went down to AT&T to talk to the clerk Chloie who sent us there to get the phone. (clerk,)
. There are people who are supposed to be coming to help him and I can be here in my own home. (him,)
Mike Is not someone who's just going to sit around waiting for everybody else to do stuff for him. (is)
He calls me about 15 times a day. so he's getting plenty of social connections with me. (so,)
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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I can completely understand why you're emotionally exhausted. My prayers are with you and your brother. Thank you for sharing this with us. I know writing this helps you but will also help others in a similar situation.
we went down to AT&T to talk to the clerk Chloie who sent us there to get the phone. (clerk,)
. There are people who are supposed to be coming to help him and I can be here in my own home. (him,)
Mike Is not someone who's just going to sit around waiting for everybody else to do stuff for him. (is)
He calls me about 15 times a day. so he's getting plenty of social connections with me. (so,)
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your alert review. And your compassion.
