Dodie Rae
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Paranoia"A young woman unwilling to submit to abuse.
9 total reviews
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I would make Pete's death even more painful! I think he is the next man on Jodie Mae's list. I hope Helen is alright. What a really nasty man the creep is; all those husbands/partners deserved to die that way. I just hope Jodie isn't caught out, she's doing the world a favour! Onward again. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
  |
I would make Pete's death even more painful! I think he is the next man on Jodie Mae's list. I hope Helen is alright. What a really nasty man the creep is; all those husbands/partners deserved to die that way. I just hope Jodie isn't caught out, she's doing the world a favour! Onward again. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
-
I think most of us agree the abusers should get what they deserve. Of course those who may be abusers will find this offensive, lol. Thank you, Sandra for all the wonderful reviews.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Throw a big party for all the abusers. Lock them in. Release the wolves. Be done with it. And as far as I am concerned, Riley and Carey have the men's side, so off them too. I am feelin g bloody today. Karen
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
|
Throw a big party for all the abusers. Lock them in. Release the wolves. Be done with it. And as far as I am concerned, Riley and Carey have the men's side, so off them too. I am feelin g bloody today. Karen
Comment Written 07-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
-
I hear ya! I fear this may be look a little suspicious, don't you think? Ha! Ha! Thank you for this wonderful review, Karen.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Dodie Rae is a fierce woman/werewolf. I wish I had her power. I know a few people who deserve her wrath.
Poor Helen, I hope Pete didn't hurt her.
Well done
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
|
Dodie Rae is a fierce woman/werewolf. I wish I had her power. I know a few people who deserve her wrath.
Poor Helen, I hope Pete didn't hurt her.
Well done
Comment Written 02-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
-
Well, if Dodie Rae has anything to do with it, he won't hurt her in the future. Thank you, Gypsy, for this wonderful review.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from Jim Wile
So, the next victim appears to be in Dodie Rae's sights. Good. He sounds like he deserves to be.
This is very interesting the way her moods change--from frightened she will be nailed to looking forward to the next act of revenge. Her mind is in a real whirl. She's a good person but with this very dark side and secret, and she seems to thrill to the acts of revenge.
A few minor things:
- "reading her Miranda rights, and offering her the right to remain silent" is redundant. That's the first of the Miranda rights.
- reign it in should be spelled rein
- "CALM DOWN!" might better be punctuated with a question mark. She's implying to Mama "What, you think I should calm down?" And in the next sentence, Mama replies, "Yes." So she took it as a question.
- You say, "Dodie Rae visualized several police officers... " and then go on for three paragraphs about her fantasy. Unless it's your intention to make us forget for a moment and think what's happening is real and then reel us back into the present when it's over, I think you might make it a little clearer that these three paragraphs are a fantasy. A couple of sentences in, I got to wondering if she was still just visualizing this or if it was really happening now.
If you want to make it crystal clear this is a fantasy throughout, there are a couple ways to consider.
One way would be to start out in past tense the way the rest of the story is, and switch to present tense for the fantasy to help distinguish it as a fantasy. It would sound something like this:
Her mind reeled as she sat there, spinning multiple scenarios about what would transpire as she walked through the doors. Every time a police officer exited the building, she held her breath, wondering if they'd noticed her car through the cameras.
In one such scenario, several police officers remove her from the driver's seat of her vehicle, cuff her, and read her her Miranda rights. Once inside the police station, the wolf takes over. Chaos fills the precinct as the wolf grows upwards of seven feet and breaks free of the handcuffs...."
Another way would be to italicize the whole fantasy sequence. Just something is needed to set it apart some so that we don't forget it's a fantasy, unless, as I said, that was your intention.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
|
So, the next victim appears to be in Dodie Rae's sights. Good. He sounds like he deserves to be.
This is very interesting the way her moods change--from frightened she will be nailed to looking forward to the next act of revenge. Her mind is in a real whirl. She's a good person but with this very dark side and secret, and she seems to thrill to the acts of revenge.
A few minor things:
- "reading her Miranda rights, and offering her the right to remain silent" is redundant. That's the first of the Miranda rights.
- reign it in should be spelled rein
- "CALM DOWN!" might better be punctuated with a question mark. She's implying to Mama "What, you think I should calm down?" And in the next sentence, Mama replies, "Yes." So she took it as a question.
- You say, "Dodie Rae visualized several police officers... " and then go on for three paragraphs about her fantasy. Unless it's your intention to make us forget for a moment and think what's happening is real and then reel us back into the present when it's over, I think you might make it a little clearer that these three paragraphs are a fantasy. A couple of sentences in, I got to wondering if she was still just visualizing this or if it was really happening now.
If you want to make it crystal clear this is a fantasy throughout, there are a couple ways to consider.
One way would be to start out in past tense the way the rest of the story is, and switch to present tense for the fantasy to help distinguish it as a fantasy. It would sound something like this:
Her mind reeled as she sat there, spinning multiple scenarios about what would transpire as she walked through the doors. Every time a police officer exited the building, she held her breath, wondering if they'd noticed her car through the cameras.
In one such scenario, several police officers remove her from the driver's seat of her vehicle, cuff her, and read her her Miranda rights. Once inside the police station, the wolf takes over. Chaos fills the precinct as the wolf grows upwards of seven feet and breaks free of the handcuffs...."
Another way would be to italicize the whole fantasy sequence. Just something is needed to set it apart some so that we don't forget it's a fantasy, unless, as I said, that was your intention.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
-
Your brilliance is shining brightly, my friend. Wow! I italicized one such scenario and the whole fantasy. I hope this is correct; I'm still not sure.
You are remarkable in what you do, Jim.
God bless,
Steve
-
Yep, I think it works well.
-
Excellent. Thank you, Jim.
Comment from Ric Myworld
There are some tough characters in your story, but I'm sure there aren't any of them mean enough to be tangling with a werewolf. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
|
There are some tough characters in your story, but I'm sure there aren't any of them mean enough to be tangling with a werewolf. LOL. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2024
-
Thank you, Ric, for this incredible review, my friend. Dodie Rae is a force to be reckoned with, and I'm excited to see how everyone feels about the next chapter. No spoiler alerts, lol.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from GWHARGIS
My favorite part of this chapter was the comfort that Dodie Rae got from her grandmother. It was so perfect for her to dump all of her fears on to her grandmother and then become a little girl of sorts. Bae Lynn takes over, nothing bad can happen as long as Bae Lynn is around. It was just such a real response. The police laughing about Dodie calling out the married officer was funny too. I am really enjoying this story. Gretchen
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
 |
My favorite part of this chapter was the comfort that Dodie Rae got from her grandmother. It was so perfect for her to dump all of her fears on to her grandmother and then become a little girl of sorts. Bae Lynn takes over, nothing bad can happen as long as Bae Lynn is around. It was just such a real response. The police laughing about Dodie calling out the married officer was funny too. I am really enjoying this story. Gretchen
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
-
Thank you, Gretchen, for this exceptional review, my friend. Bay Lynn is protecting Dodie Rae like a mother, and a mother would do whatever is necessary, even if it may be wrong to others. I always look forward to your thoughtful reviews. When I'm writing about Dodie Rae, it's like watching a movie inside my head.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from royowen
I'm pretty sure Dodie Rae will take care of old Pete, the beast will get stirred by abusive and cruel husbands, and what's mor or less one more excessive bully, the beast appears to be impervious to weaponry, quick healing. Beautifully written Steve , blessings Roy
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
|
I'm pretty sure Dodie Rae will take care of old Pete, the beast will get stirred by abusive and cruel husbands, and what's mor or less one more excessive bully, the beast appears to be impervious to weaponry, quick healing. Beautifully written Steve , blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2024
-
Thank you, Roy. The beast seems invincible, but rest assured, nothing on earth is. Thank you for the incredible review, my friend.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
Pete, you best get out of town because Dodie Rae is going to have your scent very soon! I liked the fantasy scene at the Police department but can't wait until the real thing happens. Somehow I don't see Dodie Rae lying low as Bay Lynn suggested cool chapter. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
|
Pete, you best get out of town because Dodie Rae is going to have your scent very soon! I liked the fantasy scene at the Police department but can't wait until the real thing happens. Somehow I don't see Dodie Rae lying low as Bay Lynn suggested cool chapter. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
-
Thank you, Marilyn. I'm excited about this next chapter and am working on it now. I think this upcoming chapter will be a turning point for Dodie Rae.
God bless,
Steve
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm curious is Dodie Rae will pay Pete a visit. She needs to lay low for a while like Bay Lynn suggested. I really like this story and can't wait to read more.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
|
I'm curious is Dodie Rae will pay Pete a visit. She needs to lay low for a while like Bay Lynn suggested. I really like this story and can't wait to read more.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
-
Thank you, Barbara. I am excited for this upcoming chapter, it will be a turning point for Dodie Rae. I love that Bay Lynn is protecting her granddaughter and tries to direct her in the right direction.
God bless,
Steve
