For Winter Years
One Summer4 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congratulations, Shirley, on your winning verse! And what a worthy winner! This is classy and a delightful read as your story starts with spring and then expands into summer's youthfully romantic, if transient, offerings. A great job! Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Congratulations, Shirley, on your winning verse! And what a worthy winner! This is classy and a delightful read as your story starts with spring and then expands into summer's youthfully romantic, if transient, offerings. A great job! Take care Debbie
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Debbie x
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Such lovely imagery mixed with the phrasings that allow the reader to, wittingly or unwittingly, bring their own emotions into the reading of your well-crafted verse! Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest!! :-)
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Such lovely imagery mixed with the phrasings that allow the reader to, wittingly or unwittingly, bring their own emotions into the reading of your well-crafted verse! Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck to you in the contest!! :-)
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thank you very much :)
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello!
This is a fabulous poem, bumping up to the edge of erotic, but only implying the physical and sensual.
General Thoughts:
---I absolutely LOVE how you use the seasons to bookend this poem. We see the entire expanse of summer stretch out in time as we descend the poem--from "Spring days tired" to "winter's snowflakes." It really gives the poem a temporal unity and absolutely NAILS the prompt, because what falls between these things? Summer.
---"He appeared with the sunflowers/windmills/blue-bottles/brimmed hats and hormones." --By using these very textured things and concepts, it becomes the essence of poetry in the sense of unique combinations. The "hormones" toss us into the next few stanzas and the passionate summer they are going to spend together.
---"pulling my heart/from my chest/with an easy hand." --Beautiful! Hyperbole at it's finest!
---"It was a young thing/No-one said/'I love you'" --This strikes right to the core of the poem. This idea here is the same as the one he is saying with his words "Don't understand-just be." It's a fling, but so powerful in the moment, a summer love that has touched so many human beings in the modern world. Live in the moment, cast yourself about with passion, let loose you inhibitions, and live life on fire.
---"reverberating/with juvenile afterthoughts" --And here is the nostalgia, the inevitable wistfulness that comes with passionate flings of young love. You masterfully portray this in your last two words by having your narrator say that she sees the memories of this summer in "every winter's snowflake." "Every" is so important, for it tells us that they will never be forgotten.
I love this poem! You did an excellent job with the prompt. And although you are certainly not the first to write about summer love nor will you be the last, you encapsulated the notion of it on a level to match what the subject deserves. Good luck in the contest!
Patrick
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Hello!
This is a fabulous poem, bumping up to the edge of erotic, but only implying the physical and sensual.
General Thoughts:
---I absolutely LOVE how you use the seasons to bookend this poem. We see the entire expanse of summer stretch out in time as we descend the poem--from "Spring days tired" to "winter's snowflakes." It really gives the poem a temporal unity and absolutely NAILS the prompt, because what falls between these things? Summer.
---"He appeared with the sunflowers/windmills/blue-bottles/brimmed hats and hormones." --By using these very textured things and concepts, it becomes the essence of poetry in the sense of unique combinations. The "hormones" toss us into the next few stanzas and the passionate summer they are going to spend together.
---"pulling my heart/from my chest/with an easy hand." --Beautiful! Hyperbole at it's finest!
---"It was a young thing/No-one said/'I love you'" --This strikes right to the core of the poem. This idea here is the same as the one he is saying with his words "Don't understand-just be." It's a fling, but so powerful in the moment, a summer love that has touched so many human beings in the modern world. Live in the moment, cast yourself about with passion, let loose you inhibitions, and live life on fire.
---"reverberating/with juvenile afterthoughts" --And here is the nostalgia, the inevitable wistfulness that comes with passionate flings of young love. You masterfully portray this in your last two words by having your narrator say that she sees the memories of this summer in "every winter's snowflake." "Every" is so important, for it tells us that they will never be forgotten.
I love this poem! You did an excellent job with the prompt. And although you are certainly not the first to write about summer love nor will you be the last, you encapsulated the notion of it on a level to match what the subject deserves. Good luck in the contest!
Patrick
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Patrick. Rarely have I had such a detailed and valuable review which I so appreciate.
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My pleasure, Shirley! 😊
Comment from RodG
Oh, I really like this! You capture the essence of a young person's summer when she is captivated by a young man and they spend their time together on the beach. Just enough dialog to suggest WHY she's entranced with him and I love that last stanza describing her looking back months later. And the picture chosen could not be more perfect. Terrific! Rod
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Oh, I really like this! You capture the essence of a young person's summer when she is captivated by a young man and they spend their time together on the beach. Just enough dialog to suggest WHY she's entranced with him and I love that last stanza describing her looking back months later. And the picture chosen could not be more perfect. Terrific! Rod
Comment Written 18-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2024
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Wow, Rod, thank you so much :)
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You are very welcome