Debacle in Northfield
A story about Jesse James & his gang.8 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
What a story! You had me gripped on this one all the way through. Great pace and action; lovely imagery (Northfield seemed like a sun-ripened fruit ready to be picked and bagged). And although the ending was more than a little tragic for some, I suppose you could call it a salutary lesson. A great read in faultless prose! Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2024
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What a story! You had me gripped on this one all the way through. Great pace and action; lovely imagery (Northfield seemed like a sun-ripened fruit ready to be picked and bagged). And although the ending was more than a little tragic for some, I suppose you could call it a salutary lesson. A great read in faultless prose! Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 14-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2024
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Hi, Debbie. I am delighted you enjoyed my story. It was fun to research and write. Many thanks for all that praise. Rod
Comment from Ric Myworld
They say that westerns just don't sell anymore, but I can't imagine that there still aren't plenty of people like me who love good westerns and will enjoy this immensely. Great writing and I just wish I had a six. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2024
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They say that westerns just don't sell anymore, but I can't imagine that there still aren't plenty of people like me who love good westerns and will enjoy this immensely. Great writing and I just wish I had a six. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Ric, for your high praise of my western and your virtual six-star rating. I, too, wish westerns could make a comeback. Kevin Costner tried and failed with a four-parter movie.
Comment from Sharon Elwell
This was an engaging picture of the robbery. I could easily visualize the setting and the characters, emphasized by the ticking clock and the quiet atmosphere in the bank. I was confused that Jesse said to go ahead only if there were "...a few people on the street." Seems he would have said, "...only if there are few people on the street." Opposite meanings.
I couldn't understand the difference between the safe and the vault. The vault was open, but the safe was not. I would have liked to visualize where the safe was in relation to the vault.
Good work!
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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This was an engaging picture of the robbery. I could easily visualize the setting and the characters, emphasized by the ticking clock and the quiet atmosphere in the bank. I was confused that Jesse said to go ahead only if there were "...a few people on the street." Seems he would have said, "...only if there are few people on the street." Opposite meanings.
I couldn't understand the difference between the safe and the vault. The vault was open, but the safe was not. I would have liked to visualize where the safe was in relation to the vault.
Good work!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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I have tried twice to reply. FanStory is not cooperating today. Thank you very much for your praise and suggestion. The vault was a small room with a door. Inside it was a safe.
Comment from Wendy G
Well written and very dramatic. Apparently it's not so easy to commit such a robbery as one would think. Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Well written and very dramatic. Apparently it's not so easy to commit such a robbery as one would think. Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Thank you very much, Wendy. Glad I could take you back 150 years.
Comment from lancellot
An interesting story and a solid entry.
notes:
We had the $15,000 we'd {takenduring} a train
-We had the $15,000 we'd taken during a train
-Recommend looking this sequence over. Something seems missing, or it skips needed details.
When I was about to step inside the open vault, the guy jumped up, sprang to the vault door, and tried to slam it shut. Charlie beat him to it and not too kindly grabbed his collar and jerked him back.
Right then another banker must have spotted a derringer, but Bob snatched it first and scolded him.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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An interesting story and a solid entry.
notes:
We had the $15,000 we'd {takenduring} a train
-We had the $15,000 we'd taken during a train
-Recommend looking this sequence over. Something seems missing, or it skips needed details.
When I was about to step inside the open vault, the guy jumped up, sprang to the vault door, and tried to slam it shut. Charlie beat him to it and not too kindly grabbed his collar and jerked him back.
Right then another banker must have spotted a derringer, but Bob snatched it first and scolded him.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2024
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Thank you very much, lancellot, for your praise and taking the time to point out typos and passages that could be revised.
Comment from LJbutterfly
Your story telling is captivating. With ample, detailed descriptions, I felt I was watching the action play out on a movie screen. I could easily envision the three men sitting at desks in the bank. You did an excellent job re-creating the robbery. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Your story telling is captivating. With ample, detailed descriptions, I felt I was watching the action play out on a movie screen. I could easily envision the three men sitting at desks in the bank. You did an excellent job re-creating the robbery. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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I am delighted you felt my story was captivating. Glad I could put you there in Northfield.
Comment from Begin Again
Now that's a shoot 'em up western if I every read one. Very good job of moving the action forward quickly.
Notes:
we'd takenduring a train robbery
(taken during)
Bobopened a drawer,
(Bob opened)
beardednman
(bearded man)
Just some quick fixes. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Now that's a shoot 'em up western if I every read one. Very good job of moving the action forward quickly.
Notes:
we'd takenduring a train robbery
(taken during)
Bobopened a drawer,
(Bob opened)
beardednman
(bearded man)
Just some quick fixes. Good luck in the contest.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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So pleased you enjoyed my trip back to the Old West, Carol. Many thanks for taking the time to point out my typos.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed how action packed this story is! You did an amazing job capturing the tension of the moment. I felt like I was right there in Northfield with the gang. The character voices are gritty - perfect. The details of the robbery were exciting and kept me on edge. Fantastic storytelling all the way through!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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I really enjoyed how action packed this story is! You did an amazing job capturing the tension of the moment. I felt like I was right there in Northfield with the gang. The character voices are gritty - perfect. The details of the robbery were exciting and kept me on edge. Fantastic storytelling all the way through!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Michael, for this great review. I am delighted I could put you there in Northfield, 1876.