Our Demise
Rondeau27 total reviews
Comment from patcelaw
This is in the format and I enjoyed very much listening to your work flows very well when it is read aloud. I wish you the very best of all of your writing and I also wish you a wonderful weekend.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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This is in the format and I enjoyed very much listening to your work flows very well when it is read aloud. I wish you the very best of all of your writing and I also wish you a wonderful weekend.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you as always Patricia! 😊
Comment from TPAC
Yeah. Not sure I want to be boxed; spirit and body: permanently. My life, is in the realm of spirit, having tasks prevailing Gods' throne to appease. So silk or wool, holds no importance to my beliefs.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Yeah. Not sure I want to be boxed; spirit and body: permanently. My life, is in the realm of spirit, having tasks prevailing Gods' throne to appease. So silk or wool, holds no importance to my beliefs.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your comments and review! I appreciate it! 😊
Comment from Wendy Jungbauer
Written in a pensive and somber tone, this poem examined a person's fear of not being able to avoid and escape death. While the message is somewhat bleak, the imagery is vivid and consistent, and presented in a thought-provoking and figurative language. The regular, rhyming structure added to the somber and reflective tone of the poem and the repetitive usage of the "in coffins lined with silken breath" phrase provided a haunting refrain throughout the composition.
Great poem, Patrick! As a person who has a fear of death, this poem struck an emotional chord with me.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Written in a pensive and somber tone, this poem examined a person's fear of not being able to avoid and escape death. While the message is somewhat bleak, the imagery is vivid and consistent, and presented in a thought-provoking and figurative language. The regular, rhyming structure added to the somber and reflective tone of the poem and the repetitive usage of the "in coffins lined with silken breath" phrase provided a haunting refrain throughout the composition.
Great poem, Patrick! As a person who has a fear of death, this poem struck an emotional chord with me.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Wendy! I appreciate this very much! 😊
Comment from Kahlani
This poem is worthy of six stars for the sheer beauty of the words. You've managed to describe (in my mind) a deceased's final resting place that elicits a strong sense of sadness. Beautiful!
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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This poem is worthy of six stars for the sheer beauty of the words. You've managed to describe (in my mind) a deceased's final resting place that elicits a strong sense of sadness. Beautiful!
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Thank you Kahlani! I so much appreciate you liking the poem and rating it so high. Looking forward to your weekend posts! 😊
Comment from Gloria ....
This is different from the rondeau form I have learned and I like it. The form I write uses a cinquain, a quatrain and a sestet. The refrain being at most, half of the first line--either first half or last half. The rhyme pattern uses two rhymes throughout which of course changes depending on the composition of the first line.
I wrote my rondeaus so that first half of line one was also within the parameters of using two rhymes throughout the entire poem. It's a good form as it delivers a complete poetic without all the pomp and circumstance that some subject matter demands.
Great job with this, Patrick. IMO there is something unsettling about coffins as they represent a sanitized version of what a full life is really all about.
Much enjoyed,
Gloria
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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This is different from the rondeau form I have learned and I like it. The form I write uses a cinquain, a quatrain and a sestet. The refrain being at most, half of the first line--either first half or last half. The rhyme pattern uses two rhymes throughout which of course changes depending on the composition of the first line.
I wrote my rondeaus so that first half of line one was also within the parameters of using two rhymes throughout the entire poem. It's a good form as it delivers a complete poetic without all the pomp and circumstance that some subject matter demands.
Great job with this, Patrick. IMO there is something unsettling about coffins as they represent a sanitized version of what a full life is really all about.
Much enjoyed,
Gloria
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Gloria! I was just reading McCrae's original again, and you are right, he uses the first phrase "in Flanders fields" as his refrain, rather the entire first line like I do. Oh well, that's the cool thing about poetry forms. They're fluid! 😊 I appreciate your 6-star very much! Talk to you again soon!
Comment from Aussie
Our suitcase has had its day, our soul has flown away. I liked your poem for the contest and wish you luck. Not many write about death, fear of the unknown. I fear not death for I died on the operating table. Now I know there is nothing to fear because we are born again, a new soul, a new person.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2024
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Our suitcase has had its day, our soul has flown away. I liked your poem for the contest and wish you luck. Not many write about death, fear of the unknown. I fear not death for I died on the operating table. Now I know there is nothing to fear because we are born again, a new soul, a new person.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2024
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Thank you for your comments! I appreciate you review!
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
This is a brilliantly constructed Rondeau, Patrick, and is harder to do than it looks. The poem unfolds logically with you rhythm and rhymes falling effortlessly into place. A work of skill. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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This is a brilliantly constructed Rondeau, Patrick, and is harder to do than it looks. The poem unfolds logically with you rhythm and rhymes falling effortlessly into place. A work of skill. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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Thank you Shirley, not only for your comments, but also for your 6-star rating! I really appreciate it! 😊
Comment from Nicki.B
This was quite a different poem which I really enjoyed. My first time reading a Rondeau which has a lot of technique to apply. I was intrigued by the subject choice morbid subject for some but very interesting. I like your repeated phrase, in coffins lined with silken breath
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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This was quite a different poem which I really enjoyed. My first time reading a Rondeau which has a lot of technique to apply. I was intrigued by the subject choice morbid subject for some but very interesting. I like your repeated phrase, in coffins lined with silken breath
Comment Written 21-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much for your comments! I'm glad you liked the poem!
Comment from Neonewman
This is an excellent entry for this Rhyming poem contest, Patrick. I enjoyed reading the style you've crafted this piece in, my friend. You have an eeriness about you I appreciate.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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This is an excellent entry for this Rhyming poem contest, Patrick. I enjoyed reading the style you've crafted this piece in, my friend. You have an eeriness about you I appreciate.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thank you Steve! I appreciate your comments! I kind of like having an "eeriness" about me. 🤣 Has a good ring to it. Have a great weekend!
Comment from jake cosmos aller
i like this poem about death, coffins and the graveyard I like the last stanza the best very chilling words and images of death and the final resting of the dead
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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i like this poem about death, coffins and the graveyard I like the last stanza the best very chilling words and images of death and the final resting of the dead
Comment Written 20-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2024
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Thanks Jake! Have a great weekend!
