DUEL with the DEVIL
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 34"The problem of creating a non-addictive painkiller
17 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
The July 4th party was a good way to finish off this part of the story Jim, and it show Jules just what her family was missing. I'm on catch up again after my arthritis left me flat for a while, but still eager to follow on.
cheers
valda
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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The July 4th party was a good way to finish off this part of the story Jim, and it show Jules just what her family was missing. I'm on catch up again after my arthritis left me flat for a while, but still eager to follow on.
cheers
valda
Comment Written 13-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2024
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Thanks very much, valda. Sorry to hear about the arthritis, but I certainly understand. Sounds like you could also use a non-addicting painkiller!
Comment from lancellot
Well, this is a very nice and positive FS chapter, and we see Brian circle of friends has expanded and his small group of friends have gotten closer. A good time is had by all, and everything is amazingly positive. Kimi shows no signs of anger or resentment over getting 2nd degree burns because of Brian's illegal drug use, or his subsequent lies. His professor doesn't seem to care about what happened to Kimi (or any possible litigation), and luckily neither does her boyfriend. The happy couple has no qualms over sharing an apartment with him or having three bedrooms instead two.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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Well, this is a very nice and positive FS chapter, and we see Brian circle of friends has expanded and his small group of friends have gotten closer. A good time is had by all, and everything is amazingly positive. Kimi shows no signs of anger or resentment over getting 2nd degree burns because of Brian's illegal drug use, or his subsequent lies. His professor doesn't seem to care about what happened to Kimi (or any possible litigation), and luckily neither does her boyfriend. The happy couple has no qualms over sharing an apartment with him or having three bedrooms instead two.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2024
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I guess those burns healed rather quickly without scarring. Not such a big deal after all. If I change it to 1st degree burns instead of 2nd, will that get you off my case about it? :-)
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I get this is just for FanStory. And FS is different now. I just mean, if your girlfriend was burned by a dude who was high, how would you feel? And how would a young woman feel about it? They aren't addicts, so their behavior should be normal. That's all I mean. But as always, it's your story.
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But I think you're kind of forgetting the context here and the order in which things happened. At the time of the lab accident, neither Daniel nor Kimi knew of Brian's addiction problem. He had never shared his history with drug addiction with Daniel until after he comes home from the hospital and requires Daniel's assistance in doling out the pills.
They had been great roommates who really liked each other for almost a full school year before Daniel finds out about his troubles. Brian was extremely apologetic and distraught about the accident. I just don't think Daniel (or me for that matter) would be so hard on a guy with Brian's troubles who I really liked. I think I would cut him some slack. Wouldn't you?
Kimi's burns were only to the back of her hand and ankle and weren't that severe (only 2nd degree) so it isn't like she will have disfiguring scars on her face. Most likely, very little if any scarring. We've all had 2nd degree burns. They are the most common.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion about how realistic this whole scenario is, and I respect it. I think we just differ here.
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What did FS used to be like? I've only been a member for just under 2 years now. Was there more critique and less accolade-type reviews?
Personally, I like the kind of reviews you give because they challenge me to try to keep it real (you're failing, says Lance!), but I've also found not everyone is very gracious about accepting criticism.
I may argue with you, but I think we enjoy the back-and-forth. I know I do.
Comment from tfawcus
The story is rolling along nicely, Jim. Enough information about Brian's procedure without overwhelming the narrative. Engaging characters and interactions between them.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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The story is rolling along nicely, Jim. Enough information about Brian's procedure without overwhelming the narrative. Engaging characters and interactions between them.
Comment Written 06-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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Thanks very much, Tony. I had written more about that procedure, but decided to strip most of it out so I'm glad to hear that it was just the right amount that I left in.
Along these lines, I'm interested to hear what readers think when I get into the science behind the drug he creates in Part 2. I'm hoping it will be simple enough and interesting enough to maintain the readers' interest. That stuff fascinates me, but I'm not sure how readers will take it. I loved the novels of Michael Crichton who often got a bit technical when describing the science of his topics, but I know it's not for everyone. When we get there, please let me know how it's coming across and if you have any suggestions for simplifying it.
Thanks very much for those 6 stars too!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
There's so much about this I liked - not the least of which was the two videos. One of my adult piano students also gigs out with a violin, but she refers to it as her "viddle" because its a violin, but she plays it like a fiddle.
You also went into fascinating detail about the surgery, and although it was about something very technical, my eyes did not glaze over for even one second. You kept it absolutely fascinating and really well done! Now THAT's talent!!
I also like that Kimi and Daniel have gotten into sync with each other and also with Brian and Julia. I feel as if that will help buffer any future bumps in the road for any of the four, and that's a great feeling.
It also made me really happy to see Dr. Reike choose to extend a social invitation to the group. That's huge in so many ways.
The one part, though, that I felt was tedious was this:
"He's been wonderful to you, Brian. Did you say Kimi and Daniel will be there too?"
"Yep."
"Well, sure, I'd love to go, as long as there are people I know. I'm still kind of shy around strangers."
"Do you think you'd want to play for us as well? You're not usually shy when it comes to playing."
"That's because I don't have to talk; I just play. I'm just not that comfortable with small talk. Maybe I'll work on a patriotic medley for the occasion."
"That would be cool. But play something that will really wow 'em too. You know so many good ones."
"Okay, I will. This should be fun, Brian. Have you met his family before?"
"No, not yet, but I think this will be a great, relaxing way to meet them. Daniel and Kimi said they're looking forward to going. I think we'll all have a good time."
It just felt kind of stilted and slowed down the beautiful flow and momentum you had going. I think you could just summarize their conversation, perhaps, because it's a little dull and mundane. Giving us the gist of it would move that along at the same sound pace you had established.
But you know what I always say about suggestions: potentially worth exactly what you're paying me for them! xoxox
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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There's so much about this I liked - not the least of which was the two videos. One of my adult piano students also gigs out with a violin, but she refers to it as her "viddle" because its a violin, but she plays it like a fiddle.
You also went into fascinating detail about the surgery, and although it was about something very technical, my eyes did not glaze over for even one second. You kept it absolutely fascinating and really well done! Now THAT's talent!!
I also like that Kimi and Daniel have gotten into sync with each other and also with Brian and Julia. I feel as if that will help buffer any future bumps in the road for any of the four, and that's a great feeling.
It also made me really happy to see Dr. Reike choose to extend a social invitation to the group. That's huge in so many ways.
The one part, though, that I felt was tedious was this:
"He's been wonderful to you, Brian. Did you say Kimi and Daniel will be there too?"
"Yep."
"Well, sure, I'd love to go, as long as there are people I know. I'm still kind of shy around strangers."
"Do you think you'd want to play for us as well? You're not usually shy when it comes to playing."
"That's because I don't have to talk; I just play. I'm just not that comfortable with small talk. Maybe I'll work on a patriotic medley for the occasion."
"That would be cool. But play something that will really wow 'em too. You know so many good ones."
"Okay, I will. This should be fun, Brian. Have you met his family before?"
"No, not yet, but I think this will be a great, relaxing way to meet them. Daniel and Kimi said they're looking forward to going. I think we'll all have a good time."
It just felt kind of stilted and slowed down the beautiful flow and momentum you had going. I think you could just summarize their conversation, perhaps, because it's a little dull and mundane. Giving us the gist of it would move that along at the same sound pace you had established.
But you know what I always say about suggestions: potentially worth exactly what you're paying me for them! xoxox
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2024
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If you get this response twice, it's because FanStory is acting up. I submitted it once and even nominated you for a reviewer's reward for your excellent review. If it gives me the chance, I'll do it again in case that didn't take.
I agree with you completely about that passage now that I reread it. I have shortened it considerably. You were right. It was tedious and mundane. I appreciate your taking the time to point it out, Rachelle.
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And what I appreciate about you is that you accept my critiques in the spirit in which they're offered. You never get wounded or defensive, and that makes all the difference. xoxo
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
That surgery sounds dangerous Jim, anything to do with the spinal cord is traumatic. I am glad that your story has ended on a positive note here as music always lifts the spirit. Love Dolly x x x
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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That surgery sounds dangerous Jim, anything to do with the spinal cord is traumatic. I am glad that your story has ended on a positive note here as music always lifts the spirit. Love Dolly x x x
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Kind of the denouement to the climax of Part 1. All's good for now. We'll be advancing forward in time pretty rapidly in Part 2 and things will happen at a faster pace as we get into the real meat of the story.
Comment from T B Botts
Hi Jim,
it sounds like things really turned around for Brian. The whole scenario sounded plausible. I wonder why the prof would work at a college if he could make really big bucks in a research lab, unless he just likes teaching kids a lot. It's going to be interesting to see where this goes.
I wonder what happens if you have one of the stimulators in your body and then seriously hurt the area where it's implanted, would the pain register?
Well done on this chapter Jim.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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Hi Jim,
it sounds like things really turned around for Brian. The whole scenario sounded plausible. I wonder why the prof would work at a college if he could make really big bucks in a research lab, unless he just likes teaching kids a lot. It's going to be interesting to see where this goes.
I wonder what happens if you have one of the stimulators in your body and then seriously hurt the area where it's implanted, would the pain register?
Well done on this chapter Jim.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 05-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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I think Dr. Rieke probably does like teaching. Brian claims he is a really good, patient explainer which is a talent that good teachers need to have. I'm already thinking about a sequel to this story in which Brian also becomes a teacher eventually because he is the same way, and Dr. Rieke influences him so much.
Part 2 will be a faster roller coaster than Part 1 as a lot more ups and downs takes place in it in fewer pages. I loved writing Part 1, but I really loved writing Part 2, and I just hope the scientific parts don't overwhelm my readers. I tried my best to make them interesting, and comments from you and others will let me know if I was successful.
Thanks for your great reviews and these 6 stars too, Tom.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is just a really pleasant interlude in Brian and his friends' lives. They all get to enjoy life as a normal (as there seems to be such a thing) family would and enjoy a Fourth of July they will always remember. I wish I could have been there, especially for the violin music.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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This is just a really pleasant interlude in Brian and his friends' lives. They all get to enjoy life as a normal (as there seems to be such a thing) family would and enjoy a Fourth of July they will always remember. I wish I could have been there, especially for the violin music.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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I'm so glad you liked this and didn't find it too sappy, Carol. I figured Brian needed a break after what he had just been through. It served as a denouement to the climax of Part 1.
We will now move forward in time and move a little faster in Part 2 as we get to the real meat of the story with the invention of the drug. Thanks for your great review and the 6 stars too.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
It (people's schedules) worked out very well, but in my experience there is ALWAYS some who have family commitments, in-law commitments, work duties, vacation plans, or someone is ill. Maybe you could disappoint Fran, of explain how someone had to juggle something.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Well written.
It (people's schedules) worked out very well, but in my experience there is ALWAYS some who have family commitments, in-law commitments, work duties, vacation plans, or someone is ill. Maybe you could disappoint Fran, of explain how someone had to juggle something.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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I'm not really sure what you are referring to here. Could you elaborate?
Comment from BethShelby
This was a positive way to end up the summer. I'm glad the surgery was successful an he did well on his tests. I also enjoyed the flight of the bumblebee you shared. I look to the second part.
Beth
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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This was a positive way to end up the summer. I'm glad the surgery was successful an he did well on his tests. I also enjoyed the flight of the bumblebee you shared. I look to the second part.
Beth
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2024
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Part 2 will be a little faster paced as he advances in years. It's also a lot shorter, but lots of twists and turns.
Comment from royowen
I never really had a relationship with my father until I was old enough to drink but I did with my best friend's dad, we were opening batting partners in cricket, 22 years my senior, he introduced me to Bridge, solo whist, and a little chess, he taught me how to use my grey matter, he had a large family of eight kids, he was a deputy principal at where my future wife would one day teach, he had a lovely, intelligent wife, he taught me how a real family worked. The need of a mentor in life is so important. Beautifully written Jim, blessings.roy
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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I never really had a relationship with my father until I was old enough to drink but I did with my best friend's dad, we were opening batting partners in cricket, 22 years my senior, he introduced me to Bridge, solo whist, and a little chess, he taught me how to use my grey matter, he had a large family of eight kids, he was a deputy principal at where my future wife would one day teach, he had a lovely, intelligent wife, he taught me how a real family worked. The need of a mentor in life is so important. Beautifully written Jim, blessings.roy
Comment Written 04-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2024
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That's some interesting history, Roy. Sounds like your friend's dad filled in some of the gaps you had in your own family.
I think a lot of the problems of youth today, especially inner city youth, are due to the absence of mentors in their lives. All they have are their own peers who are as clueless as they are.
In the US, our own government contributed greatly to this because of the misguided welfare programs of the 60s and beyond which fostered the destruction of the families by making it more profitable not to have a father in the house. Marriage declined, and out-of-wedlock births skyrocketed. In the absence of a father in the house and a stable family structure, the decline became inevitable.
