finding the book
what happened when the discovered the book3 total reviews
Comment from F. William Lester
Interesting concept. Is this the beginning of a longer story? The ending left me hanging, but if it leads to a longer piece, I can understand the open ending. You talk about the Emperor of Syria and then refer to the members of the committee as members of the Sirius race. This is a bit confusing. Is it intentional? If the answer to both these questions is yes, you might add a short comment in the author note explaining this to the reader. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. I was in the military and served in the American Embassy in Tokyo from '87-'91. Were you ever there? Have a great day.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Interesting concept. Is this the beginning of a longer story? The ending left me hanging, but if it leads to a longer piece, I can understand the open ending. You talk about the Emperor of Syria and then refer to the members of the committee as members of the Sirius race. This is a bit confusing. Is it intentional? If the answer to both these questions is yes, you might add a short comment in the author note explaining this to the reader. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. I was in the military and served in the American Embassy in Tokyo from '87-'91. Were you ever there? Have a great day.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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Thanks a lot. I served in Seoul, Bangkok, Mumbai, Eastern Caribbean, and Madrid. DId a five week TDY in Sapporo.
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You're welcome. I spent a year in Osan in the early '80s. Be well.
Comment from Jacob1395
There was definitely a lot in this piece that made it really intriguing. I really wanted to know who the green fraction was and why they didn't want them finding out about the discovery. I think you could definitely expand this into a long piece. I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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There was definitely a lot in this piece that made it really intriguing. I really wanted to know who the green fraction was and why they didn't want them finding out about the discovery. I think you could definitely expand this into a long piece. I really enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 31-Aug-2024
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I think that this would make a good basis for a story I need to submit one for a Halloween contest
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a fascinating topic for the renovation contest. I've heard of the fabled book and heard some claim they have it or something similar. It's very bizarre.
Your story is great but it has a lot of spag errors. I listed some below, but you should give the whole thing a proofread.
"That night around 7:00 PM
(No quotes)
necromicron
(I believe the correct spelling is Necronomicon)
". So where is the book?"
(remove period)
rennovation
(renovation)
Vatican library for preservation.".
(extra period)
and I was able to authenticate it.
(Capitalize And)
you have contacts on the Council,
my cousin is the first secretary of the council.
(Be consistent on capping 'council' one way or the other)
The ancient sacred chants that open the portal to homework.
(?? homework?)
It's a story worth a polishing!
Julie
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2024
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This is a fascinating topic for the renovation contest. I've heard of the fabled book and heard some claim they have it or something similar. It's very bizarre.
Your story is great but it has a lot of spag errors. I listed some below, but you should give the whole thing a proofread.
"That night around 7:00 PM
(No quotes)
necromicron
(I believe the correct spelling is Necronomicon)
". So where is the book?"
(remove period)
rennovation
(renovation)
Vatican library for preservation.".
(extra period)
and I was able to authenticate it.
(Capitalize And)
you have contacts on the Council,
my cousin is the first secretary of the council.
(Be consistent on capping 'council' one way or the other)
The ancient sacred chants that open the portal to homework.
(?? homework?)
It's a story worth a polishing!
Julie
Comment Written 29-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2024
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thanks I will revise accordingly tommorow