Puberty calleth
Musings of a feral young man5 total reviews
Comment from Jacob1395
I think puberty is a time in life that none of us ever forget. A lot of our emotions go haywire during this time as well. A well written piece. I thought you writing flowed well and I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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I think puberty is a time in life that none of us ever forget. A lot of our emotions go haywire during this time as well. A well written piece. I thought you writing flowed well and I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 22-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2024
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Thanks man.
Comment from BethShelby
There are many type of poems and each kind has a set of rules to follow.
Thie one doesn't really follow specific rules and some don't, so that is fine.
I like to count syllables so that makes the verses smoother. Your poem has the second and fourth line of each verse rhyming and that is good.
Your syllable count is 5775 4554 and 6676. It might be better if each verse had the same sylable count. The poem content make good sense.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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There are many type of poems and each kind has a set of rules to follow.
Thie one doesn't really follow specific rules and some don't, so that is fine.
I like to count syllables so that makes the verses smoother. Your poem has the second and fourth line of each verse rhyming and that is good.
Your syllable count is 5775 4554 and 6676. It might be better if each verse had the same sylable count. The poem content make good sense.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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So, to write good poetry it has to follow poetry rules? Is there not a freer form that just lets creativity flow?
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Yes, in my second line I said some some don't follow rules and that is fine. your poem is creative and I enjoyed it. You seemed to be questioning how to write poems and I was guess saying some have rules and some don't.
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Okay.
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
Hi Eean,
It's great to see you putting poetic pen to paper again.
What's happened to your first stanza? It's all over the page!
Anyway - the poem. I found a beautiful, innocent honesty in your words.
'I cut my teeth
on brashness and lust'
This is good
'In my judgement though
I would not trust'
This feels forced (to get the ''trust' rhyme)
I think you can lose 'unto' in the last stanza.
Everything else reads well and excellently conveys the inner conflicts of the subject.
Your voice has a rawness which is very effective and so worth honing.
Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Hi Eean,
It's great to see you putting poetic pen to paper again.
What's happened to your first stanza? It's all over the page!
Anyway - the poem. I found a beautiful, innocent honesty in your words.
'I cut my teeth
on brashness and lust'
This is good
'In my judgement though
I would not trust'
This feels forced (to get the ''trust' rhyme)
I think you can lose 'unto' in the last stanza.
Everything else reads well and excellently conveys the inner conflicts of the subject.
Your voice has a rawness which is very effective and so worth honing.
Well done.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Thanks for your help.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Young men are filled with testosterone and it is nature working and when the mind and body eventually come together in harmony then young men find their way. I would learn about metre when it comes to poetry, there are many tutorials on line and this will help you organise your words with a silky flow. I enjoyed the sentiments here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Young men are filled with testosterone and it is nature working and when the mind and body eventually come together in harmony then young men find their way. I would learn about metre when it comes to poetry, there are many tutorials on line and this will help you organise your words with a silky flow. I enjoyed the sentiments here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Metre. Got it.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is interesting. Someone trying to come to terms with their young promiscuous side. It is good and I like the rhyme. Three things I would suggest.
1) Go from couplets (two line stanzas, to four lines. Like this:
I look to the sands
receive nothing but time
In morals and turpitude
I'm way out of line
I cut my teeth
on brashness and lust
In my judgement
I would not trust
Feral are my leanings
the animal in me
Will tame unto the damsel
who accepts and sets me free
2): Change the background color to a light blue to match the sky in your picture. And make font tan to match the sand.
3) If possible, when possible, have all the lines in a stanza, have the same syllable count.
Bonus: Change the category from adult to General. The wall can be the kiss of death on FS.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Hmm, this is interesting. Someone trying to come to terms with their young promiscuous side. It is good and I like the rhyme. Three things I would suggest.
1) Go from couplets (two line stanzas, to four lines. Like this:
I look to the sands
receive nothing but time
In morals and turpitude
I'm way out of line
I cut my teeth
on brashness and lust
In my judgement
I would not trust
Feral are my leanings
the animal in me
Will tame unto the damsel
who accepts and sets me free
2): Change the background color to a light blue to match the sky in your picture. And make font tan to match the sand.
3) If possible, when possible, have all the lines in a stanza, have the same syllable count.
Bonus: Change the category from adult to General. The wall can be the kiss of death on FS.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
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Got it. I definitely get the bonus. More than helpful.