About You
Blue!2 total reviews
Comment from Colorado Owl
Great job! This is am important message for all of us. If we make mistakes, learn from them and move on. The ending of your poem is perfect... "I will never let you steal what will be".
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Great job! This is am important message for all of us. If we make mistakes, learn from them and move on. The ending of your poem is perfect... "I will never let you steal what will be".
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Thank you so much!
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem conveys a strong emotional response, blending past, present, and future into a powerful declaration. The repetition of "stole" emphasizes the impact of the loss, while "Blue, I am" effectively sets a tone of melancholy. The contrast between what was, what is, and what will be adds depth to the theme of resilience.
Consider refining the phrasing for a smoother flow. For example, "About you" might be more impactful if integrated into the lines that follow. Here's a suggestion for tightening the structure:
Blue, I am,
About you,
You stole what was,
Almost stole what is,
But I will never let you steal
What will be.
This maintains the essence of your original poem while improving readability. By just removing 'you'
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Your poem conveys a strong emotional response, blending past, present, and future into a powerful declaration. The repetition of "stole" emphasizes the impact of the loss, while "Blue, I am" effectively sets a tone of melancholy. The contrast between what was, what is, and what will be adds depth to the theme of resilience.
Consider refining the phrasing for a smoother flow. For example, "About you" might be more impactful if integrated into the lines that follow. Here's a suggestion for tightening the structure:
Blue, I am,
About you,
You stole what was,
Almost stole what is,
But I will never let you steal
What will be.
This maintains the essence of your original poem while improving readability. By just removing 'you'
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
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Thank you for your advice and kind words! 😊
