Writer's Remorse
Second chances are possible.12 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This reads clearly and fluently, engaging the reader from the start and introducing us in a short period of time to an author who seems to have women falling at his feet. The dialogue is very credible and your excellent story leaves me wanting to read more. So a success all round. Well done and good luck! Debbie
  |
This reads clearly and fluently, engaging the reader from the start and introducing us in a short period of time to an author who seems to have women falling at his feet. The dialogue is very credible and your excellent story leaves me wanting to read more. So a success all round. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 20-Aug-2024
Comment from Wendy G
A very well written story which was able to keep me interested right through to the end. I guess now I won't know if they got back together! Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
|
A very well written story which was able to keep me interested right through to the end. I guess now I won't know if they got back together! Well done. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from LJbutterfly
I don't know that I was around when John St. Clair maneuvered his way across the computer screen. So far, this well written snippet is compelling and begs for a continuation. Best wishes in the contest.
|
I don't know that I was around when John St. Clair maneuvered his way across the computer screen. So far, this well written snippet is compelling and begs for a continuation. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from BermyBye50
This is a brilliantly written entry in the writing contest. You've skillfully woven together a captivating story revolving around your main character John St Clair. The dialogue enhances the flow of the story and provides insight into the world of writers and publishing. This is full of twists excellent and turns that has held this reader's attention from the opening line to the last.
All the best in the contest.
 |
This is a brilliantly written entry in the writing contest. You've skillfully woven together a captivating story revolving around your main character John St Clair. The dialogue enhances the flow of the story and provides insight into the world of writers and publishing. This is full of twists excellent and turns that has held this reader's attention from the opening line to the last.
All the best in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Delusions are nice things to have. This guy is hitting on one lady and she is hitting back. Another lady shows up and whisks him away revealing her nakedness because of her need for him. She, with no foreplay from him, screws him six ways from sunday, then goes downstairs to sign some books before having dinner with her. Decides to go in for a drink, and starts hitting on an old girlfriend without even having a shower from his last lady.
Karen
|
Delusions are nice things to have. This guy is hitting on one lady and she is hitting back. Another lady shows up and whisks him away revealing her nakedness because of her need for him. She, with no foreplay from him, screws him six ways from sunday, then goes downstairs to sign some books before having dinner with her. Decides to go in for a drink, and starts hitting on an old girlfriend without even having a shower from his last lady.
Karen
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from Begin Again
Sometimes we elarn we had the best thing in life but forgot to stop searching. It appears as if Mr. Jon St. Clair might have learned his season and hopefully, it's not too late. Well done!
Smiles, Carol
|
Sometimes we elarn we had the best thing in life but forgot to stop searching. It appears as if Mr. Jon St. Clair might have learned his season and hopefully, it's not too late. Well done!
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from Ric Myworld
I don't remember the character but I certainly like reading about him. Outstanding writing! And I'm anxiously awaiting the chance to read more. Of course, not knowing who you are, because of contest regulations, I'll just have to hope John St. Clair is in the title. :-) Thanks for sharing.
|
I don't remember the character but I certainly like reading about him. Outstanding writing! And I'm anxiously awaiting the chance to read more. Of course, not knowing who you are, because of contest regulations, I'll just have to hope John St. Clair is in the title. :-) Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from RodG
This was fun to read. I cannot imagine what attending a Steamy Lit Convention would be like. It was fun to meet the author John St. Clair and see how he handled these "chance" encounters with former flames. Each scene was amusing and I enjoyed each exchange. Rod
|
This was fun to read. I cannot imagine what attending a Steamy Lit Convention would be like. It was fun to meet the author John St. Clair and see how he handled these "chance" encounters with former flames. Each scene was amusing and I enjoyed each exchange. Rod
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I absolutely loved this! Your writing is full of energy that makes it impossible not to be drawn into the story. The interactions between the characters are well written. You have a fantastic way of blending passion with emotion, and it really shines through in this piece. Keep up the excellent work!
|
I absolutely loved this! Your writing is full of energy that makes it impossible not to be drawn into the story. The interactions between the characters are well written. You have a fantastic way of blending passion with emotion, and it really shines through in this piece. Keep up the excellent work!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from TheWriteTeach
I think you have the makings of a great story. I'm sure your word count was limited by contest rules. This could really take off if it were fleshed out some. You have a couple of interesting characters who appear to still be crazy about each other even though there was a split up. He admitted he still loved her and she told him she didn't hate him. You could do so much with couple, and probably will, I'm sure. This piece kept my interest all the way through. Everything written moved the story forward; nothing slowed it down or stalled the piece out. Your readers will not get bored or lose interest.
I did find some spags that I addressed below.
*You wrote, 'You mean the King of Erotica;(,) John St. Clair(,) has admitted defeat . . .' Need commas where indicated and remove semicolon. This is a parenthetical expression. Meaning, the sentence makes sense without the phrase, John St. Clair, but with it, it provides extra meaning to the sentence. Set it apart from the rest of the sentence with commas.
*You wrote, ". . . kissed me on the cheek, saying(,) "Enjoy your groupies, but you still owe me dinner." Add comma where indicated.
*You wrote, ". . . a familiar voice said:(,)"He'll take a double Bushmills . . ." Eliminate the colon and replace it with a comma.
*You wrote, 'Why did I ever let this woman I truly loved, slip away from me?' This is another parenthitical expression. Set it apart from the rest of the sentence with commas. It also needs a small rewrite. 'Why did I ever let this woman, whom I truly love, slip away from me?'
*You wrote, "I still love the sound of your voice(,) Michelle. Add comma where indicated.
*You wrote, '. . .attended by want to be John St. Clair's, . . .' Need hyphens. A modifier that comes before a noun needs to be hyphenated (want-to-be).
*You wrote, 'I hope in these last fifteen years(,) you have . . . '. Remove comma where indicated.
*You wrote, 'The one thing I want you to know is that I never stopped loving you. In fact, I still do.' You've said the same thing twice. If you've never stopped loving her, then it goes without saying that you still do love her.
Even though I did enjoy this, the spags kept me from giving high stars for this piece. Spags aside, you did a nice job, and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
 |
I think you have the makings of a great story. I'm sure your word count was limited by contest rules. This could really take off if it were fleshed out some. You have a couple of interesting characters who appear to still be crazy about each other even though there was a split up. He admitted he still loved her and she told him she didn't hate him. You could do so much with couple, and probably will, I'm sure. This piece kept my interest all the way through. Everything written moved the story forward; nothing slowed it down or stalled the piece out. Your readers will not get bored or lose interest.
I did find some spags that I addressed below.
*You wrote, 'You mean the King of Erotica;(,) John St. Clair(,) has admitted defeat . . .' Need commas where indicated and remove semicolon. This is a parenthetical expression. Meaning, the sentence makes sense without the phrase, John St. Clair, but with it, it provides extra meaning to the sentence. Set it apart from the rest of the sentence with commas.
*You wrote, ". . . kissed me on the cheek, saying(,) "Enjoy your groupies, but you still owe me dinner." Add comma where indicated.
*You wrote, ". . . a familiar voice said:(,)"He'll take a double Bushmills . . ." Eliminate the colon and replace it with a comma.
*You wrote, 'Why did I ever let this woman I truly loved, slip away from me?' This is another parenthitical expression. Set it apart from the rest of the sentence with commas. It also needs a small rewrite. 'Why did I ever let this woman, whom I truly love, slip away from me?'
*You wrote, "I still love the sound of your voice(,) Michelle. Add comma where indicated.
*You wrote, '. . .attended by want to be John St. Clair's, . . .' Need hyphens. A modifier that comes before a noun needs to be hyphenated (want-to-be).
*You wrote, 'I hope in these last fifteen years(,) you have . . . '. Remove comma where indicated.
*You wrote, 'The one thing I want you to know is that I never stopped loving you. In fact, I still do.' You've said the same thing twice. If you've never stopped loving her, then it goes without saying that you still do love her.
Even though I did enjoy this, the spags kept me from giving high stars for this piece. Spags aside, you did a nice job, and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Suzanne
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
