The Winter Tale
A magical PI finds more than she bargained for.6 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. You did a wonderful job writing descriptions. Good luck with the contest.
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"Filthy habit," Frost grouses next to her as he puts his hat on. (grouses beside her)
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. You did a wonderful job writing descriptions. Good luck with the contest.
Â
"Filthy habit," Frost grouses next to her as he puts his hat on. (grouses beside her)
Comment Written 27-Aug-2024
Comment from AliMom
Very good. Menacing and mysterious. Good character development. I would have liked to see more about Frost's relationship with his wife before his demise and after. It would have given me more sympathy for both after his horrible death. The battle is exciting. I'm thinking more description when they engage in combat. The transition between part I and II seems abrupt. Is he a cyborg of some kind? I very much like the last line, "Another open door... It makes me want to see where the next chapter is going especially after the death of her partner. She seems more determined but less emotionally affected. Is that because of her self-imposed disconnection with others? Good writing. Engaging storyline. Take your time leading us through. Enjoyed it.
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Very good. Menacing and mysterious. Good character development. I would have liked to see more about Frost's relationship with his wife before his demise and after. It would have given me more sympathy for both after his horrible death. The battle is exciting. I'm thinking more description when they engage in combat. The transition between part I and II seems abrupt. Is he a cyborg of some kind? I very much like the last line, "Another open door... It makes me want to see where the next chapter is going especially after the death of her partner. She seems more determined but less emotionally affected. Is that because of her self-imposed disconnection with others? Good writing. Engaging storyline. Take your time leading us through. Enjoyed it.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
Comment from Mufasa
Nice work! Interesting, dark, and smartly written. On the technical aspect:
- a quick draw with lightning accuracy -
* Three paragraphs below this, you write:
- the imprints hit her with lightning speed.
* Lightning implies speed, not accuracy. Perhaps:
a quick draw with laser-like accuracy.
- In a few seconds, she's centered again -
* Perhaps: Moments pass, and she's centered once more." (period) She pulls her glove back on, expression returning to its impassive normal.
- But knowing opens doors, an insidious voice in her own head whispers. Things can come through doors.
* Ohhhh, well done!
You and I share a bit of the same style and imagination. Three different things in this story relate directly to three different stories of my own - one of which is also entered in this contest: "The Canis Gene."
The two other stories are, "Shadow," and "Destroyer." I truly believe you will appreciate the three, and immediately realize the similarities to "The Winter Tale."
Good luck to you, and again - nice work!
M
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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Nice work! Interesting, dark, and smartly written. On the technical aspect:
- a quick draw with lightning accuracy -
* Three paragraphs below this, you write:
- the imprints hit her with lightning speed.
* Lightning implies speed, not accuracy. Perhaps:
a quick draw with laser-like accuracy.
- In a few seconds, she's centered again -
* Perhaps: Moments pass, and she's centered once more." (period) She pulls her glove back on, expression returning to its impassive normal.
- But knowing opens doors, an insidious voice in her own head whispers. Things can come through doors.
* Ohhhh, well done!
You and I share a bit of the same style and imagination. Three different things in this story relate directly to three different stories of my own - one of which is also entered in this contest: "The Canis Gene."
The two other stories are, "Shadow," and "Destroyer." I truly believe you will appreciate the three, and immediately realize the similarities to "The Winter Tale."
Good luck to you, and again - nice work!
M
Comment Written 16-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I appreciate the suggestions and insights. I hope you have a wonderful week!
Comment from Pamusart
Hi, K.Olson,.
this looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Wow. This really took me on a trip. It was very intense. I feel sorry for frost and Jenna. Somehow I feel more sorry for him because he died a horrific death. I'm assuming his body was autopsied To get cause of death and all.
I wonder if the spirit is still alive and going to come back to her or someone else. I don't think she killed it just made it crawl back into its hole.
I think you did a great job with suspense. You did use one trite expression chilled to the bone
All in all a very good story and very scary. I'm still worried about her maybe having to face the creature one more time.
Here did you mean the emotions
"more negative the experience, the more brutal that emotions and "
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
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Hi, K.Olson,.
this looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Wow. This really took me on a trip. It was very intense. I feel sorry for frost and Jenna. Somehow I feel more sorry for him because he died a horrific death. I'm assuming his body was autopsied To get cause of death and all.
I wonder if the spirit is still alive and going to come back to her or someone else. I don't think she killed it just made it crawl back into its hole.
I think you did a great job with suspense. You did use one trite expression chilled to the bone
All in all a very good story and very scary. I'm still worried about her maybe having to face the creature one more time.
Here did you mean the emotions
"more negative the experience, the more brutal that emotions and "
I enjoyed reading your story
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
You've created an intense and gripping story. I like how you share Mariah's internal struggles and the external dangers she faces it makes her feel real and vulnerable. The pacing of the story keeps the tension high, especially as Mariah delves deeper into the supernatural elements. The description of the spirit and the fight scene is particularly chilling! Great job!
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You've created an intense and gripping story. I like how you share Mariah's internal struggles and the external dangers she faces it makes her feel real and vulnerable. The pacing of the story keeps the tension high, especially as Mariah delves deeper into the supernatural elements. The description of the spirit and the fight scene is particularly chilling! Great job!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2024
Comment from patcelaw
This is very well written your sentence structure your paragraph and your punctuation is all very good and it was a pleasure to listen to. I wish you the very best with all of your writing and may you have a good week for the rest of the week, Patric
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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This is very well written your sentence structure your paragraph and your punctuation is all very good and it was a pleasure to listen to. I wish you the very best with all of your writing and may you have a good week for the rest of the week, Patric
Comment Written 14-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2024
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Thank you so much for your read and review. I really appreciate your time and attention. I hope you have a wonderful week!
